Fathers pfft

[Namechange90]

Hi my father who I’ve hardly had any contact with all my 35 years of life and requested he meets my newly adopted children. They don’t know him from Adam and I think he’s got a damn bloody cheek.

He messaged me on Facebook and said he’d need my nan (my mums Mum) and she had told him about the kids. Although she hasn’t met them yet either as she’s been in and out of hospital, so just haven’t had the time. Anyway he said I have a right to know my grandchildren and I want to see them.

AIBU at saying no you are not meeting or seeing them as they dont know you and in all fairness I don’t really. I last saw him what I was 10/11 years old. And even that was a brisk walk past me and didn’t acknowledge me. He’s got such a bloody nerve demanding this. I’m fuming, Mum said no as he’s no rights, DH said no.

Advice please Mumsnetters xx

Yanbu. He has no rights, and the fact that's how he phrased it tells you everything you need to know.

He's got no rights whatsoever to be making demands of you. Why he seems to think he's entitled to be in your kids lives, when he wasn't in yours beggars belief.

Don't let him feature in your happiness or take the shine off this happy time.

If newly adopted, can your Social Worker not offer support and guidance?

Grandparenting is a privilege, not a right. YANBU.

Tell him to jog on & block him on Facebook

@TyneTeas I don’t want him around them and won’t be seeking advice from SW. x

@Bunbunbunny I have done x

Tell him you don't introduce your children to strangers and block him. You and your kiddos don't need that at all!!

Cross Post. Glad you blocked him OP! Go you!

Reply with ‘who is this? I think you have the wrong person’

Grandparents have no legal right to be in a grandchild's life. If they want to be and are being stopped they can apply for visitation through the court but would have to prove the child's life is being disadvantaged by them not being around. He doesn't have a leg to stand on, op.

Don’t feel guilty about blocking him. Ignore him. Too late to be any kind of parent now. Congrats on kids.

So, without this 'man' in your life, you've turned into an amazing person who has adopted children?
Bloody well done, you're obviously a star.
You don't need him.
I'm a bit worried that your nan - who sounds vulnerable - is being emotionally manipulated by him. That's the bit I'd probably be focusing on, because he may think that through her he'll get to you.
Congratulations and very best of luck with your children, OP.

Yanbu. Stick to your instincts. Grandparent 'rights' are usually to do with continuing an existing relationship for the benefit of the child when a parent is preventing it. This is not that situation.

Maybe he’s trying to make amends, why not meet up without the children and ask him why he’s getting in contact now

Sorry I missed the part where you said he believes he has a right to see the children, ignore my last post

Don't even answer him, just block him.

Northern, making amends doesn't start with making demands and trying to bully using language about rights.
Just don't respond. He made his choice and I bet he doesn't feel guilty. If he pushes then message back 'this is unwanted contact. Any further attempts at contact will be considered harassment.'

Congratulations.

This remind me of my grandmother (awful woman who was totally negligent). I’d never met her and then when my son was born I got a phone call from this complete stranger demanding to meet her great grandchild. I told her that she ought to contact her own damn daughter (my Mum) instead of pestering people who were complete strangers to her and hung up.

Yanbu. My understanding is that grandparents do not have any automatic legal ‘right’ to see their grandchildren. I think it’s different if they already have a relationship and are suddenly cut out.

But in this case, he does indeed have a cheek, demanding to see them. Telling him to jog on and blocking him was exactly right thing to do imo.

Wow - he clearly isn’t reflecting on his disgusting parenting skills!! What on earth makes him the mink he’s a better Grandad - is perhaps reply with
‘ I’m not sure I want my own children to meet a grandfather figure that’s going to float out of their lives and I’ll have to clear up the devastation - perhaps it’s better I tell them you must have died because I’ve not seen him for a quarter of a century