Is this fair

[Butterfr33]

DP and I live just over an hour away from our family. We live along a major road which connects to two major cities.

Now we go home to visit people as often as we can (every couple of months) but with me bring in uni full time, DP being a teacher and a toddler we're busy!

What gets to me though is people moaning that we don't come home enough when no one makes the effort to come see us. People 'stop by' for 30 mins or so when they're on their way to/from the city but no one actually makes the effort to just come see us.

It's really starting to annoy me and get me down. Why should it always be us to make the effort and travel?

Have you invited them properly? Like 'are you free on Sat 28th? Will you come for dinner?'

Other people are busy too. At least they visit.

IN my experience, it's pretty much down to the person that moves to make more effort with visits and staying in touch.

And don't expect people to just suggest to come to you, you need to invite them. This is how it works.

And a visit every couple of months when you live an hour away, really isn't that much imho.

Yes we tell people that we're free on weekends so to let us know what works for them but no one ever gets back to us and I don't see why I should chase people up.

Other people are busy too. I understand this. But it's the fact they moan at us for never visiting them, when we do.

If you're that busy people might feel like they're putting you out if they invite themselves to stay.

Sorry, x-posted. Is there any other reason? Maybe they feel there's more for you all to do in their areas?

We have this too, with DH’s family. And when we visit them, we get the whole “we haven’t see you for ages” patter. I have pointed out to DH that the road works in both directions and it’s only 40 min from our house to theirs, yet still 99% of the time it’s us that end up doing the running.

People like to do what's most convenient for them, and that's you making the effort. It's not unreasonable for you to think they could make the effort for a change. Just be factual, next time they say 'you never visit' say 'we do, actually we came five weeks ago, but now I think about it you've never come to ours. Why don't you come for the day next Saturday?' and so on.

Butterymuffin Good suggestion, need to find my big girl pants!

Just a thought...

I only consider myself invited somewhere if someone says 'would you like to visit/stay on x date'. Or if they say 'we're free on x date or x date, which one works for you, let's put it in the diary now?'.

Saying 'I'm free in the month of August, just get back to me when you can' isn't committing and puts the other party in the position of having to say 'remember when you invited us to stay - is it still ok to do so?'.

Many people struggle with seemingly inviting themselves. You need to be the person to make sure it's in the diary.