Babies

[DaisyRaine90]

So me & DP have decided no more kids. He’s waiting to get the snip. I’m on the pill and planning to get my tubes tied. We were both sure we were done. He does not want any more kids.

However, suddenly I am having reservations. I know he never wants another baby but AIBU to not want to get my tubes tied yet?

It’s not that I’m uncommitted to him, but it’s such a big decision and I don’t want to come to regret it.

Any experiences of this type of thing?
AIBU not to get my tubes tied?

Yanbu

YANBU, however you need to have a serious discussion with him as him getting the snip while you won't more children could potentially end your relationship

I was sterilised this year. I still have pangs I’d wanting another child. There is no way we would have another child
Like a head/heart quandary I see it as a head/ovaries one. Fortunately my ovaries do not get a say.

It is surgery, so it’s natural to be hesitant.

If your DP is getting the snip, I would just stay on bc pills until you were 100% sure.

I didn’t say I wanted more children just that I was struggling with the idea of getting my tubes tied.

Ovaries vs head sounds right.

In my case ovaries vs DP, my career, DCs I have already and my entire life plan 😊😊😂

One of the reasons we’ve decided not to have anymore is my PND and Hyperemesis so it should be me who is more comfortable about the decision than he is.

X

I'm not going to get sterilized, for all sorts of reasons but I know I'm done having babies. After 2 very difficult births I don't think my body or my mental health could take it and 2 is plenty for us at our age.
Really really struggle with the thought of no more babies or pregnancy though. I think it's natural and very understandable to struggle with the finality of sterilization even if you have absolutely no desire to have anymore children

Ah but PND and HG are both practical reasons not to have another, not because you don't want another. If you were guaranteed not to suffer with those, would you reconsider?

It's understandable you're more hesitant.

DH had the snip last week.

I'm happy with it, my head is happy anyway. My heart though....I'd love another baby. But we have three of our own and his son from his first wife, not enough space as it is and no more money. I enjoy spending time with my boys now they are a bit older.

I think it's just natural to never be 100% sure. Biologically our bodies want it, and sometimes it's hard to separate that from the harsh reality of sleepless nights and nappies again!

Only one of you needs to get 'done' so to speak. The GPS recommend it's the man as it's a much simpler procedure.

I’ve also nearly died in child birth twice 😔 and have health conditions that will get worse. So I know logically it’s the right thing.

I’ve never been broody in my life but suddenly the finality of this is making me wonder

I was sterilised when i was 25, i had 3 children and terrible pregnancies and knew i couldnt cope with another. I was chomping at the bit to get on that operating table, best decision i ever made and have never regretted it at all. Never had any second thoughts, the thought of a baby fills me with horror

Sorry to sound really thick - you still have periods when you have your tubes tied right?

Yes periods carry on as just the fallopian tubes are obstructed

Oh it's totally normal to react to the whole window closing on your baby making days. I'm not at all broody. I'm 45. I'm past my sell-by date BUT I have very rare moments where these pangs sort of hit me. You're leaving the club... the baby making club and it's a bittersweet goodbye.

I don't even want another baby but think about it: We've been fertile for years, since our teens, even tweens. Most of us have had the choice to have kids or no kids. We've been able to choose at age 25/35/ even 40+ to have a child or not. When that choice is gone, it's a bereavement.

Your reasons for sterilisation are completely sensible and so easy to support. I wish you happiness, wellness, and above all, smooth sailing through this emotional time.

I totally understand and wish I had been smart enough to hesitate.

After my first pregnancy at age 37, which like you included hyperemesis and PND, when I got pregnant a second time - when DS1 was just 10 months - I was a total basket case. The hyperemesis kicked off by 5.5 weeks and I spiralled downwards again.

I miscarried at 7 weeks and needed a D&C....I got this done privately by my gynaecologist so I could get my tubes tied at the same time. I wasn’t thinking straight but I was SO sure. So while in the grip of hyperemesis vomits I got myself sterilised.

6 months later, by then about to turn 40, of course I realised I actually did want a second baby and I was strong enough to withstand a pregnant. I accept that you don’t want another child but the fact I knew I couldn’t get pregnant was a terrible contributor to the burning desire for a baby. It hurt so much.

We decided not to try a tubal reversal due to my age, and I was lucky enough to be successful with IVF first time (I guess I was fertile anyway). We now have a 6 month old DS2; but to this day I feel embarrassed and ashamed for how casual I was about my fertility and my future family. It caused uncontrollable sadness in me when I realised I had had a chance of heart. And in many ways I feel I didn’t deserve the good fortune that made my dream come true.

If I were you I would not have your tubes tied until much later.

But every case is different LH and as the OP stated, she has other health conditions which will get worse.

We've got to be around and as healthy as possible mentally and physically for the kids we have rather than hone in on the babies we don't or won't have. The kids we do have need us to stick around.
It's wonderful LH that you went on to have your DC2. I hope you've found your way out of your sadness.

Of course everyone is different. And I’m not really trying to persuade OP, I just wouldn’t want to wish my regret on anyone else.

I had no hesitation about my tubal ligation and then within 6 months I was horrified I had done it. OP is already concerned....so even if she never ever wants (or has) another baby, I wouldn’t like to think she will be sad afterwards about eliminating that possibility. I think the removal of the possibility can be very traumatising.

YANBU. There are unforseen life circumstances that may make you one day regret doing something so permanent. They actually recommend men who get the snip freeze sperm for this reason as well.

Don't do it if you can imagine any circumstance-- new partner if your DH died etc- in which you could envision having more babies.

Just had a light positive test so either it’s faulty or this decision might be out my hands 😱

It was a faulty test but it’s made me realise that I’m ready to be steralised. I panicked when I saw the fake positive, whereas been happy with my two DCs positive tests x