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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To expect pre school staff to be able to help ds settle in?

13 replies

NapQueen · 29/10/2017 20:13

He starts tomorrow. Five afternoons a week with his usual Childminder the rest of the time.

We have been asked to arrive 30 mins after the sessions starts, and for me and him to stay for one hour. After which we can "formulate a plan for him settling in".

I am only able to take off the first three days of this week, and his cm has mindees. So aibu to insist that the plan is "we will drop him off and if after an hour he is unconsolable, call and me or CM will collect"?

I honestly dont know what else they can expect. Outside of these three days he has to be left with them, and honestly the sooner he is used to that the better. I dont want him spending the first three days getting used to me being there when that isnt a long term solution.

OP posts:

katycb · 29/10/2017 20:26

YANBU- I'm a nursery teacher. The first session visit that they have suggested is pretty standard- We do an hour to start but only have the parent in for 30m. I would assume, it this goes fine the plan will be something along the lines of 1.5 hrs on his own on Tuesday and the whole session on Wednesday- I certainly would only phase in more than that if he really struggled! Nursery and pre school staff are used to all sorts of different childcare situations. I'd explain about the first 3 days and have full sessions from Wednesday as your aim. I hope your son has a fab time.

Original poster

NapQueen · 29/10/2017 20:28

Ive been talking to him about it generally in the build up and have said that I will drop him, come home for a cup of tea, then go back for him. Which he seems amenable to, but who the heck knows how he will react tomorrw.

OP posts:

trilbydoll · 29/10/2017 20:29

When dd1 started preschool I dropped her off and went to work - the staff seemed really surprised and in hindsight I was expecting a lot of her. It worked out though, I always think the longer you stay the more confusing it is for the kids. Better to just get out of there so they can get on with the routine etc.

Original poster

NapQueen · 29/10/2017 20:30

Yep that is what I want. Drop and go. Learn quick.

OP posts:

HSMMaCM · 29/10/2017 20:34

If you've got an hour tomorrow, then do the hour and formulate a plan to drop and run the next time.

JudgeRulesNutterButter · 29/10/2017 20:34

Bear in mind that some people see a gradual settling in period as a selling point, particularly if the DC has not had any non-parent childcare before. So if this is a standard line you've been told, it may be them just trying to do what they think most parents want.

Heartofglass12345 · 29/10/2017 20:43

My son started full time nursery (attached to primary school) 9-3 at 3yrs 4 months and they basically say drop off and go! I was so worried but he was fine! I’m sure if you tell them they will understand, they probably just think thats what most parents want.

Original poster

NapQueen · 29/10/2017 20:47

Good point about it possibly being what the parents want or need.

He only turned three last week, so will end up doing nearly two years before Reception class.

OP posts:

DoJo · 29/10/2017 21:01

I imagine that their 'formulate a plan' will turn out to be 'unless he is absolutely beside himself, just drop him off and leave him'. That would be easier all round if it's possible, so I can't imagine they wouldn't be working towards that, but want to see how he is before suggesting it.

Booboostwo · 29/10/2017 21:41

This seems to be a cultural difference. I live in France where drop and go seems to be the norm. Both of my DCs went to crèche, at 18mo and 12mo, where they were dropped off for very short sessions to start off with. DD did 15 minute sessions for a few days before she managed 30mins and very slowly built up to 2-3 hours. DS went for a 15minute session but they called and kept him 30mins as he was doing so well, day 2 he stayed the whole morning.

At 3yo they both went to preschool and stayed the morning, home for lunch and DS went back in the afternoon. They both cried for two days for a short period just at drop off and then they were fine.

So drop and run can work for some kids.

LucyLastik · 29/10/2017 21:49

I think YABU. Drop offs and pick ups at pre-school can be very busy and stressful for some children. They don't know your child and so are making allowances for this. They are also considering that he may not settle straight away so are considering that in terms of what your DS may need and also the needs of the rest of the children.

The pre-school sound really switched on actually and sound like they are considering a variety of potential situations. They are rightly thinking about what your child may need, it's not their fault that you have to go to work although I do see how this can be an issue.

katycb · 30/10/2017 19:42

How did it go OP? Hope your son had a lovely day!

Original poster

NapQueen · 30/10/2017 20:27

Very well. Thank you for checking. Stayed for the 5 min tour; the wonderful TA knew he loved building train track so lured him away with a "give mammy a kiss bye, see you in one hour"

Tomorrow we are going in 30 mins after the others but he will be staying for the full session, and the day after will do thw full slot.

OP posts:

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