Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel used by family

28 replies

reddevil22 · 26/10/2017 20:00

So this week Sat - Thurs I have been staying with and looking after my 2 nephews 4 and 6, my brother and SIL asked if i could travel to see them as its half term and they need help with childcare.
We have done a few fun activities together and I have really enjoyed looking after them. Yesterday my SIL spoke quite rudely to me about something basically treating me like I'm one of her staff. I didn't confront her about it as I didn't want to argue in front of the boys. Later that night my brother made a comment and I told him I didn't like the way SIL spoke to me. He said he doesn't blame her as I have just had a free holiday and had all my meals cooked for me. I said that I have looked after the boys for them so its hardly a free holiday to which he replied so you should you are their aunt.
I feel really hurt I enjoyed spending time with my nephews but now feel like I they didn't want me there to spend quality time with them just to use me.
AIBU to feel so upset about this?

OP posts:
Santawontbelong · 26/10/2017 20:02

Next holidays make sure you aren't so available. .

Ausparent · 26/10/2017 20:03

Yeah they are being dicks.
Not sure what to add...

shushpenfold · 26/10/2017 20:05

This will continue if you let it; they clearly think that they are doing you a favour rather than vice versa. Xx

AhNowTed · 26/10/2017 20:07

Cheeky fucker strikes again

Battleax · 26/10/2017 20:07

They sound awful. Really demanding and self-centred.

honeylulu · 26/10/2017 20:09

Free holiday??? Free nanny more like!

Appuskidu · 26/10/2017 20:10

They are being horrible and are using you. Perhaps they should pay for childcare in future then they can dictate their own terms.

Did you have to take time off work for this?

DelphiniumBlue · 26/10/2017 20:11

They are mean!
I've noticed some people think if they tell you something is the case, it makes it so, and they are trying to do this to you. It's very rude, you'd think they'd be grateful for your help. especially as they asked you to do it!
It wouldn't hurt to make it clear that it is not a free holiday for you, and they would have had to pay near enough a hundred pounds a day for child care had you not helped them out. I'm shocked at your brother's attitude when you brought up SIL's comment with him.

DamnSummerCold · 26/10/2017 20:12

Don't do it again.

I used to do this for my Sis/BIL, if I took the DN's anywhere they would pay for them and try to pay for me.

I was always invited to stay for dinner; or taken out and nice stuff in the fridge for lunch etc.

Thats how you treat someone who is most likely saving them a fortune in child care.

Tell them when you leave that you will not be free at their convenience any more.

MinervaSaidThar · 26/10/2017 20:12

ungrateful twats. I wouldn't be doing them anymore favours.

BenLui · 26/10/2017 20:15

Never babysit for them again. Even if you had been there just for a holiday it’s terrible to be rude to a guest.

Original poster
reddevil22 · 26/10/2017 20:16

Appuskidu yeah I had to take 2 days of my holiday entitlement.

I agree with you all I'm not going to make myself available again I just feel so sad because it means I can't spend time with my nephews which I love doing.

OP posts:
BenLui · 26/10/2017 20:19

Of course you can spend time with them! You can visit just refuse to be in sole charge.

ButchyRestingFace · 26/10/2017 20:19

He said he doesn't blame her as I have just had a free holiday and had all my meals cooked for me. I said that I have looked after the boys for them so its hardly a free holiday to which he replied so you should you are their aunt.

And then you called him a * * £$!?!& cunt and walked out, right?

Right???

bemore · 26/10/2017 20:20

As someone who often relied on my family for childcare during holidays, I would never have dreamed of speaking to them like this!
They were doing ME a favour not the other way about! If I were you, I wouldn't be so keen to help at their house next time, maybe have the kids to you but on your terms?
(And tell your brother not to be such a dick)

flutterby12 · 26/10/2017 20:21

Cheeky fuckers. I cannot believe the audacity of some people!

Madwoman5 · 26/10/2017 20:24

Time to go home. No more favours from you, then

Level75 · 26/10/2017 20:26

Are you still there or back home now?

Appuskidu · 26/10/2017 20:27

Do they know what a holiday is?!

Would they spend their precious holiday looking after other people's children??

Original poster
reddevil22 · 26/10/2017 20:28

Level 75 - Im home now

OP posts:
Gemini69 · 26/10/2017 20:36

never be available again... you can see the boys at social events etc..
not as their permanent unpaid Childminder/Nanny Flowers

Ilove · 26/10/2017 20:37

I'm a nanny. I charge £12/h and entry fees/meals out on top.

Give them a bill

FetchezLaVache · 26/10/2017 20:40

I agree with Delphinium - my ExH used to do this sort of thing (e.g. constantly tell me that he didn't respect my work, because I sit at a desk to do it and it contains no manual element - so that he didn't have to show me any gratitude for earning 90% of the household income). IME, it needs impressing upon them that YOU were the one doing THEM the favour, taking annual leave to do it, not the other way round. Cheeky, entitled pair of twats.

FizzyGreenWater · 26/10/2017 20:41

'Oh I'm so sorry I won't be able to come and help look after them next half term, no. I just don't seem to have it in me to be grateful enough for the free holiday, y'know? I know that upset poor SIL last time and I relaly don't want to have to see her poor innocent face looking so hurt ever again... so I'll do the decent thing and stay home, and you will just have to find a holiday nanny :)

diddl · 26/10/2017 20:46

Free childcare vs a few meals?

Ungrateful fuckers!

Swipe left for the next trending thread