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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have told friend....

24 replies

Sienna333 · 26/10/2017 19:03

She doesn't need an after school babysitter if her teenage stepdaughter is always at home of an afternoon (Light college schedule) and her DP seems to 'work from home' a lot. Some afternoons both babysitter, DP and the stepdaughter are all there whilst babysitter is downstairs playing with the kid. I know I will be told it is none of my business but it seems a weird set up.

OP posts:

Santawontbelong · 26/10/2017 19:03

More money than sense?

KadabrasSpoon · 26/10/2017 19:05

It's depends how old the child is. I'd find it impossible to work whilst looking after my toddlers.

Dinosaursdontgrowontrees · 26/10/2017 19:06

None of your business really.
What if spd want to go out after school and dh is at a meeting?
How old is the child?

OuchBollocks · 26/10/2017 19:06

YABU. The partner is working, even if he chooses to take a break, and the teenager isn't responsible for the child and presumably only goes to the house on an ad hoc basis. Plus MYOB.

Original poster

Sienna333 · 26/10/2017 19:09

No, the stepdaughter lives there now but this is a recent thing and they used to live with their mum.
The kid is 7.

OP posts:

Glumglowworm · 26/10/2017 19:26

YABU

Husband is working and they presumably don't want to tie dsd down to babysit every day which would breed resentment since the 7 year old is in no way the responsibility of the teenager.

Sirzy · 26/10/2017 19:28

Good on her for not expecting childcare from her step daughter!

Original poster

Sienna333 · 26/10/2017 19:29

They only use the babysitter three times a week I meant to add

OP posts:

BenLui · 26/10/2017 19:29

Presumably her DH is working and the DSD is studying.

Surely not your business?

abbsisspartacus · 26/10/2017 19:29

Umm that's a lot of help for a seven year old do you think something else is going on? By that age they are pretty self sufficient really

Wightintheghoulies · 26/10/2017 19:29

Yabu, the teenager is in no way responsible for the child. A one off once in a while if they're willing, but not daily after school care. The clue with the dad is he's working, whether you believe it or not (and I think you have a huge cheek questioning it to be honest). Hope your friend quite rightly told you where to shove your opinion.

Cornettoninja · 26/10/2017 19:32

I actually think that's a really good idea.

Everybody gets to do what they need without resentment building.

lalalalyra · 26/10/2017 19:33

If her DH is working then he can't look after a 7-year-old. Why would you suggest otherwise? Lots of companies are very strict about people not being responsible for children whilst working from home.

I wouldn't restrict my teens by expecting them to be a babysitter 3 days a week.

It's probably much easier to organise childcare every day than to orgaise and cancel as and when the teen or DH can do it.

Elenasparkles · 26/10/2017 19:34

I suppose it really depends on her own personal reasons. Maybe your friend likes the peace of mind that comes with having a paid babysitter. Maybe it suits her and her DPs needs as he can work from home uninteruppted and she knows that her DC is being looked after without it interfering with DPs work. Maybe she's not confident that teenage SC would actively look after/play with DC or maybe she doesn't want to pressurise or overload her SC with demands of babysitting regularly if her living there is a new thing. Ultimately though it is your friends choice and if she's happy with the situation I'm not sure it's really relevant wether you think its odd or not.

FoxesSitOnBoxes · 26/10/2017 19:36

Why is this causing you any concern? It would be the kind of thought that might cross my mind for half s second and I might say to friend “how come you have a babysitter when everyone else is home?” But it’s a funny thing to get concerned about

gamerwidow · 26/10/2017 19:37

Are you paying for the childcare because I can’t work out why it had anything to do with you?
The DH can’t do childcare if he is working from home because working from home is still working. The SD probably has homework that needs doing and even if she doesn’t it’s a big ask to expect her to be available 3 times a week to do childcare.

Dustbunny1900 · 26/10/2017 19:38

I'd expect the teen daughter to pitch in and help watch her brother, but every family is different! I was taught we all pitch in to make the family unit run smoothly. I watched my younger siblings a lot, but my mother in turn has helped me an enormous amount with my children in turn.

But I'd never say that to her, it's really up to each family. Unless you are offering to babysit for free, I wouldn't bring it up

Bluntness100 · 26/10/2017 19:42

Why do you say He “seems to “work from home” a lot” in inverted commas. What are you trying to insinuate?

I’m guessing you actually don’t like this woman, because you’re so horribly judgemental. Or if you do, god help your enemies.

RebelFreddyVSRogueJason · 26/10/2017 19:59

The husband is banging the babysitter while the teenage daughter is actually watching the kid.

There. Does that make you feel better?

TicketyBoo83 · 26/10/2017 20:03

MYOB

chipsandgin · 26/10/2017 20:06

So your 'friend' should expect free childcare and a commitment to being there from her stepdaughter (presumably involving keeping the kid entertained, doing homework with them, organising snacks and drinks, setting up games or drawing or activities...) or the Dad who is working should do the same?

Or are you suggesting that both the step-daughter and Dad get on with their studying/work or whatever and ignore the child? Or perhaps a babysitter who can do all of the above makes perfect sense and if you are a 'friend' and not part of this family or responsible for them or their childcare arrangements you should butt out and mind your own business because what has it got to do with you?

chipsandgin · 26/10/2017 20:07

Or is this a reverse?

sunandmoonshine · 26/10/2017 20:11

What business is all this of yours?

You sound so jealous!

Or is this a Reverse?!

WyfOfBathe · 26/10/2017 20:15

There's a 14 year age gap between me and my sister. As a teenager, I looked after her when asked and played with her when my parents were busy, but they wouldn't have asked me to look after her three afternoons a week. I had lots of homework, a part-time job from 16, a club at school, and also needed some down time! Looking after a child from e.g. 3-6pm 3 days a week wouldn't have been practical.

As for the father, trying to work with a kid next to you is not productive and some companies may explicitly forbid it.

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