Just to want some “us”

[EvieFrench]

Hello fellow mumsnet users, I’m looking for some help and guidance really.

Myself and my boyfriend have a little girl who is 4 months old. We are both relatively young parents (early 20’s) and my boyfriend works 13/14 hour days Monday to Friday.

The problem is when it gets to the weekend his father is either coming round or invites us to go out, if we decline he then arranges another day to go out. My boyfriend is a bit of a softy and can’t say no but when he does his father isn’t happy and doesn’t seem to understand why we aren’t seeing him.

I’m just wondering if I’m being unreasonable to want a couple of weekends as just us and if not how on earth can we tell his father no and to get him to back off a bit?! We’re both soft in nature and struggle to say no if I’m honest but this is getting ridiculous now especially as little ones routine is frequently getting disturbed and she’s not the best of sleepers to start off with!

This will continue for as long as you let it. Fair enough if you're naturally 'soft', but you can either work on your assertiveness and solve this or roll over, accept this problem continuing and stay soft.

Your partner sounds a bit wet, you can't control his actions so you should work on your own. When his dad contacts to ask if you're free just say 'no sorry, we have plans! Are you free date around three or four weeks away that's convenient to you?'

This could fix it alone, act like it's the most reasonable thing in the world because it is. If he doesn't 'get it' and goes in a huff let him. Just act confused as to why on earth he would have an issue with it and stay detached, 'that's a shame you feel that way! Looking forward to seeing you when we're both free'.

If your OH keeps inviting him though then you have a problem with him not FIL. You don't have to join in. Start taking the little one out on your own or going out alone on the days he's invited his dad to hang out that don't work for you.

Start acting like you're in control of your own schedule because you are. You really don't have to passively accept your FIL imposing himself on you whenever he wants. In the long run it'll improve relations as you'll be pleased to see him not resentful.

You are going to need to be direct with him. But that doesn't have to rude or over the top.
Simply tell him your baby is on a strict routine right now and with your boyfriend working so much you really want to spend a few weekends together as your little family. But make a future arrangement for a few weeks time to keep him happy.
If he gets pissy you might have to be abit more forceful but have a plan before you speak to him and stick to it. It he sees weakness he'll take it and your stuck with him intruding