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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be a wee bit hurt?

16 replies

Mammylamb · 22/10/2017 19:55

Last night I was at a friends (friendA)house, and was at her fridge getting a drink. I noticed on the fridge an invite to a christening to our mutual friends daughter.

I was quite hurt, as the other friend (friend b) had mentioned the christening when i last saw her but told me that only immediate family were attending.
I've been friends with friend b for a lot longer than we've know friend a.

Thinking about it, last few times it's been me that's contacted her to meet up.

Thinking of just letting the friendship slide (I've got lots of other friends). Aibu?

OP posts:

Original poster

Mammylamb · 22/10/2017 20:20

OP posts:

MayFayner · 22/10/2017 20:23

Is it friend a or friend b that you are hurt by?

I would be hurt by friend b, yes. I don't think friend a has done anything wrong per se.

Original poster

Mammylamb · 22/10/2017 20:27

Friend b I am hurt by!!! Friend a has done nothing wrong (and has no idea I seen the invite on her fridge)

OP posts:

stella23 · 22/10/2017 20:31

I'm not surprised you are upset. Maybe you should ask her why she didn't ask you

Original poster

Mammylamb · 22/10/2017 20:37

It's actually the 2nd time something like this has happened Stella; last year it was her sons birthday. I think I'm just best letting the friendship slide. She has made new friends and I suspect that she thinks she's too good for me. Until I had my son, we got on great. But when I had my son she was telling mutual friends and neighbors that I was "struggling" and very anxious ( I do suffer from anxiety but actually am a very confident parent, and was definitely very confident with my newborn).

OP posts:

Birdsgottafly · 22/10/2017 20:55

Is friend B definitely not a Godparent?

Have you spoke to friend b?

Birdsgottafly · 22/10/2017 20:56

X post,the friendship has come to a natural end, then.

Original poster

Mammylamb · 22/10/2017 21:00

no, I'm sure that it's a cousin who is the godparent. Yeah, I think it has just came to an end. Feel a bit sad about that tbh

OP posts:

TheFickleFingerOfFate · 22/10/2017 21:53

Let it go. She's moving on. People change and most friendships are just acquaintances in the end.

letsdolunch321 · 22/10/2017 22:01

I would let the friendship with friend b slide. Inviting friend a and not inviting you is a disrespectful thing to do in my view

BenLui · 22/10/2017 22:02

Could it be that Friend A is religious and you are not?

Original poster

Mammylamb · 22/10/2017 22:05

That I would understand if that was the case. But friend A isn't religious

OP posts:

SeaWitchly · 22/10/2017 22:46

Something similar happened to me.

Friend A was getting married and told me the actual ceremony/reception was for family only. I was invited to the evening do and was fine with that... however when I arrived I discovered that actually a lot of Friend A's other friends and their families had been invited to the ceremony and reception first... and were all merrily discussing how lovely the bride had looked and how wonderful the ceremony had been. Friend B was part of the A list crowd invited to the ceremony and that really stung as she had not known Friend A as long as I had and in fact I had introduced the two of them. But what was really shit was that all 3 of us had been meeting for lunches and coffees prior to the wedding and not a word was spoken in front of me of Friend B invitation to all parts of the wedding whilst I was relegated to the B group. It was always spoken about as family only for the ceremony and in hindsight I realise that Friend A & B were deliberately keeping shtum. Our friendship never recovered, I felt so humiliated and hurt and just couldn't trust Friend A after that. I remained bright and breezy if I ever ran into her but stopped facilitating meet ups or conversation and the friendship just slowly fizzled out.

I have no advice for you OP but just wanted to let you know I understand how you feel and it really sucks when this sort of thing happens

headintheproverbial · 23/10/2017 02:16

YANBU. That is hurtful and it must have been horrible to see that. Treat the friendship with caution going forward. But do remember there can be tricky factors at play when inviting people to functions, such as funds available so I'd take the moral high ground rather than writing her off completely.

Original poster

Mammylamb · 23/10/2017 07:54

Thanks Sea, that sounds awful for you. I totally get why you were upset. Head: If this was only the first time, then I mightn't have been too bothered, but it's the second time. Just feel that when she met friend A (and later, another friend, friend C) she decided she was too good for me. however, when I met lots of new friends during mat leave, she was annoyed about that! (The thing is, I met up with them at baby groups etc during the day)

OP posts:

SeaWitchly · 23/10/2017 10:13

Mammy, that was also a deciding factor for me - it wasn't the first time.

In hindsight I realised that Friend A often blew hot and cold with me. At times she would be really in to our friendship and inviting me everywhere and then at others she would cover up the fact that she was doing things with other people [namely Friend B] and would also be slightly off with me.

The wedding was really just the straw that broke the camel's back for me. It had got to a point where I felt anxious around her more than I felt nourished by our friendship and also started to feel paranoid, like I couldn't trust anything she was telling me. It is not a good basis for a friendship imo but in my situation I also think that Friend A and Friend B were a better match as friends and were subtly and not so subtly pushing me out [which is again what made it so confusing when I would take the hint and backoff only for Friend A to make efforts to re-establish contact and draw me into a closer friendship again ]

Mammy only you can say whether your Friend B is worth trying to make things right between you and having an honest discussion about how you feel. For me, my Friend A wasn't worth it and I feel much better and happier since I distanced myself from her emotional mind games.

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