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AIBU?

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Original poster

To expect people to not ask personal questions .........

28 replies

mosschops30 · 12/04/2007 16:11

just had new friend round for the day, we met at our dh's Xmas doo as they work together and hit it off (i already knew her dh)

anyway she asked today how long me and dh had been together so i told her, and she said 'i hope you dont think I'm being nosy but am I right in thinking X is not your dd's father', and I said 'yes but i dont talk about it'.

She was quite nice, although did try and push a bit further asking if she had any contact with ex, but said 'youve been together so long, it doesnt make any difference and blood doesnt make a father'.

I dont know whether to be pissed off or not, but i'm not sure I would have asked the question

OP posts:
mankyscotslass · 12/04/2007 16:12

v nosey, but maybe she has a similair situation going on and is trying to find out whats happening....or there again maybe she is just nosey

clairemow · 12/04/2007 16:13

I don't think I'd be particularly pissed off. She's probably embarrassed about asking now, thinking back, and maybe that's why she said what she did about blood not making a father. I'd let it go this time, but if she asks again, I'd make the point again, and then be pissed off!

Original poster
mosschops30 · 12/04/2007 16:14

manky she doesnt have a similar situation. She is a really nice person dont think she meant anything by it, but I am a bit pissed off, just not used to fending off questions about something I never talk about

OP posts:
FioFio · 12/04/2007 16:15

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Manictigger · 12/04/2007 16:15

I think she should have stopped after the 'I don't talk about it' bit because you've made it clear that any further inquiries are unwelcome.

nailpolish · 12/04/2007 16:18

jesus god some folk are bloody rude

Manictigger · 12/04/2007 16:20

But if you like her, I'd give her the benefit of the doubt - things are always a bit odd at the beginning of friendships I think, because you're subconsciously testing boundaries and finding out peoples' odd habits and views etc.

Pruni · 12/04/2007 16:24

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Pruni · 12/04/2007 16:25

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Original poster
mosschops30 · 12/04/2007 16:27

pruni

OP posts:
3andnomore · 12/04/2007 16:29

TBh, I can't see the upsetting part in that...however I don't know the situation or why it's an issue for you, so... that is probably why...iykwim!
Lol, Fio, I get that all teh tiem...es is 6 1/2 years older then ms, and had a close agegap between ms and ys...so, I suppose that is why peopel just assue that es must be from a previous relationship...well, until they see them altogether with their Dad that is, lol...!
BUt well, I don't think it's a rude assumption or anything...human nature to be nosy, lol..usually completely harmless though!

LittleSarah · 12/04/2007 16:31

I've found as a single mum questions about my ex and whether he sees dd often seem to be considered fair game. It amazes me, but I usually just brush it off.

FioFio · 12/04/2007 16:32

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3andnomore · 12/04/2007 16:34

see, I would be that person...so...I must be one rude person...but I just ask questions because I am interested in the person....

LittleSarah · 12/04/2007 16:36

People ask whether I have support, hint hint, family around? Nudge, nudge.

What they want to say is, ooh young single mum eh? Yer man ran off and left you I bet. Probably didn't use contraception, huh. Leeching off the state no doubt. Uh huh.

elliott · 12/04/2007 16:36

The problem is, if no-one ever asks personal questions, its quite hard to get to know people properly! But I'd probably save it until I knew someone a bit better...
My particular bugbear is being asked if I plan to have any more children - most recently by a woman I'd never met before who just happened to be at a friends house when I stopped by. I was very tempted to give a straight answer (yes I'd have liked to but I'm infertile so I'm lucky to have these two) but I just smiled and said 'no'

Original poster
mosschops30 · 12/04/2007 16:37

3andnomore, would you continue to ask if the person said 'i dont talk about it'? or would you just leave it

OP posts:
newgirl · 12/04/2007 16:40

i agree elliott - i think she was trying to get to know you but didn't think before she spoke!

3andnomore · 12/04/2007 16:40

no I wouldn't...I might be a bit thick skinned...but no even I would get the hint.

Manictigger · 12/04/2007 16:46

I think that in life there are some things that are (generally by most people) considered too personal for discussion between relative strangers and then there are a huge number of things that some people think are too personal and others don't. In which case it isn't necessarily wrong to ask the question but you shouldn't be surprised or offended to be told to mind your own business (in a polite way of course) and should then change the subject.

chocolattegirl · 12/04/2007 16:59

I'd guess she was being nosy and to try and find out if you hit it off as friends by your reaction. I'd let it go this time but if she keeps noseying around in your private life with no good cause, do the same to her and see if she clams up or change the subject and see if she takes the hint.

pointydog · 12/04/2007 17:09

"The problem is, if no-one ever asks personal questions, its quite hard to get to know people properly! But I'd probably save it until I knew someone a bit better..."

agree with elliot. And your new friend should've waited till she knew you better. She was maybe just too eager to get to know all about you. ONly you know if you'd like to be friends with her or not.

Carmenere · 12/04/2007 17:13

Well she should have waited til she knew you better and she should have stopped when you said you don't talk about it BUT talking about stuff like that doesn't phase me in the slightest and I wouldn't have had a problem answering her ergo I am probably one of those rude nosey people

Original poster
mosschops30 · 12/04/2007 17:16

i do have reasons for not discussing it, its long and painful and has taken up far too much of my life, only a few close friends know the full story.

She is VERY friendly but thats just the sort of person she is, very forward and would probably tell me anything I asked. I'm just not like that and it takes me ages to trust people and tell them personal things

OP posts:
pointydog · 12/04/2007 17:19

fair enough, mosschops. Sounds like she wasn't trying to be rude