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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aggressive charities

32 replies

lalalalyra · 21/10/2017 13:18

Aibu to think it's disgusting how vulture-ish some charities are after they've been left a bequest?

First the hassled and hassled for their money - it's less than 6 months since the death and they got their money within 3. They rang and hassled the widow very quickly.

They (2 charities) were left a set amount, since then they've written too and called the widow numerous times to see if he wants to set up DDs etc.

Today one called and asked if he wanted to set up a regular donation in his wife's memory. It's disgusting. He's talking about changing the landline number, and has actually complained to one who've been ringing once a fortnight minimum.

I'm actually shocked they'd behave quite so badly. Certainly put me off leaving a charity bequest in my will.

I'm so annoyed after that call today Angry

OP posts:
StressedtoHellandback · 21/10/2017 13:34

Charities did a good job until they got so grabby. It is disgusting to hassle a bereaved person. It would make me think before leaving a charitable bequest.

NoKidsTwoCats · 21/10/2017 14:58

If he asks the 'warm' charities (eg those he's already giving to) to be removed from any of their databases for marketing purposes, they legally have to. Most should do this with no issues whatsoever - he doesn't just have to put up with it.

If the calls/letters are cold, they should be able to provide a reference (some include it by default on their mailings) which will enable him to request exactly where they got his details eg sold by a third party. He can then contact the source of the data and ask to be removed which should stop cold mailings from elsewhere too.

It is really grabby but competition is tough and charities have to keep asking, although it's a fine line to tread and if course there are those who do it badly/insensitively. With new charity regulations coming into force and GDPR next year, it is getting better though. Hope this helps :)

Original poster
lalalalyra · 21/10/2017 15:01

nokids They got his details from when he was the one dealing with his wife's estate and her bequest to them.

That's what is disgusting. One rang today and asked if he'd like to set up a regular DD in her memory.

They might as well have said "Since your wife died we're going to emotionally blackmail you into taking over the DD she used to make by telling you it's what she would have wanted".

OP posts:
IJustLostTheGame · 21/10/2017 15:07

I've had similar dealings with the RSPCA.
I don't care about naming and shaming. They were horrendous.

ICantDecideOnAUsername · 21/10/2017 15:12

I've heard of this several times before (including one where they couldn't get the money until a property was sold and it took ages to go through, they were getting more and more aggressive about getting 'their' money. Disgusting behaviour) and it's exactly why I won't leave a charity anything in my will, sorry to say. Shame as there are some very worthy charities out there.

Aquamarine1029 · 21/10/2017 15:16

Is this widow a relative? Is he quite elderly?

formerbabe · 21/10/2017 15:17

I never ever give to charity. Once you start, they always want more...so quite frankly, fuck that shit.

DesignedForLife · 21/10/2017 15:20

That's why I prefer to give cash to charities, they can't chase you afterwards!

AuntieStella · 21/10/2017 15:24

Even though I know charities prefer DD, and that many charities are not shitty, I now give only by cheque - and do not include my address.

And give more to foodbanks (via Ocado and my local one by direct drop off) and DEC appeals than to anyone else these days.

There is a charity specified at the very last bit of my Will, but they score only if all of my children (and issue ad infinitude) and siblings (and their issue ditto) have predeceased me.

Floralnomad · 21/10/2017 15:27

My mother used to get a lot of this as her and my sister live together and between them do quite a few regular donations . If anybody rings now she just tells them if they phone again she will stop donating altogether and it has helped . This is one of the many reasons that I don't do direct debit donating although I have had trouble with one particular charity that I used to take a couple of books of raffle tickets from for the Christmas draw.

Flev · 21/10/2017 15:30

Has he tried registering with the fundraising preference service? He can specifically say he doesn't want to hear from these charities, and if they continue to contact him, he has the FPS to enforce it.

www.fundraisingregulator.org.uk/the-fundraising-preference-service/

Daisym0use · 21/10/2017 15:34

RSPCA are shocking. They rented a property from my mum and they tried to scam her at every opportunity and they treated her like shit.

We also give to the nspcc and it seems to me they use our money to keep sending us letters asking us for more money.

MyDobbygotgivenasock · 21/10/2017 15:38

When my mum was very ill with cancer and it wasn't looking very good Macmillan called, she's had a direct debit since my brother died of cancer, they were calling to see if she would give more, when she said she couldn't, explained why and said actually I could do with McMs help they asked her if she would be leaving them a bequest in her will and they could send her more information. That same week I explained to the Red Cross that I had to cancel my DD as I was now caring for my mum and funds were tight as I'd lost my job they first asked if I was getting another job, then was I on benefits and when I said I don't wish to discuss that information with a call centre the handler verbatim asked "is she dying then? You could talk to her about putting us in her will instead."
Your story is appalling and doesn't surprise me. If they're going to pay to farm this work out to call centres then maybe make sure they're trained well enough not to alienate your donators.
I give elsewhere now and have yet to be treated as poorly as those two managed.

WinterAx · 21/10/2017 15:48

I donated a fairly large sum of money to a chosen charity a while ago. In the months following, I received almost daily phone calls not only from the charity I donated to asking me if I’d like to donate again, but also from various other charities they had obviously sold my number on to. The whole thing well and truly put me off. I now only bother with small local charities that I can be confident won’t sell my details on or hound me for even more money.

Original poster
lalalalyra · 21/10/2017 15:53

Is this widow a relative? Is he quite elderly?

He is a relative. He's not, he's 40 and only 6 months after losing his wife.

I genuinely think they fact he's young is adding to their hounding. Like he's good for a DD because he's back at work 😡

OP posts:
MyDobbygotgivenasock · 21/10/2017 16:05

Are there stats for how successful this behaviour is? I wouldn't know where to look but anecdotally people are offended by it and have stopped donations but the charities must be getting enough from it to keep doing it? I complained and now don't donate to them, if that isn't making a difference then they must harass enough people into DDs for it to pay off. I understand the process up to a point but I really think it's become acceptable to cross an unethical, uncharitable line.

MyDobbygotgivenasock · 21/10/2017 16:06

I understand the process *is necessary up to a point.

Aquamarine1029 · 21/10/2017 16:10

You should encourage him to tell these charities to stop calling him. End of story. He is being harassed and the poor man doesn't need that kind of stress in his life.

Nandoshoes · 21/10/2017 16:14

They are a call center. If you donate they read out a script saying they are a paid member of staff etc. it goes towards targets. It is bad.

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 21/10/2017 16:18

I'm so sorry to hear all these stories Flowers

I don't understand what's in it for the charities. Surely this sort of harassment has the opposite effect?

My DH has a dd set up for the Nspcc. They rang daily at tea time (when he wasn't in but I was trying to feed the kids) asking if he would like to increase his donation. At the fifth phone call I said I'd already asked for these phone calls to stop, my DH had contacted them asking them not to ring and if we had one more phone call we would cancel the dd. They stopped calling.

I have very little respect for them though. It must cost them a lot of money to hire these companies to chase.

Original poster
lalalalyra · 21/10/2017 16:48

He has told them. This is the point of my rant. He asked them to stop calling. Then he told them to stop calling. Today they called again actually using his wife's memory as a blackmail tool!

I'm livid. I get they need donations but ffs. All they've done is sully the donation she left. None of us will donate again.

Now we just need to work out how to actually stop them. I'm seriously considering shaming them on social media. Fuckers.

OP posts:
MyDobbygotgivenasock · 21/10/2017 16:59

Maybe that's the answer? Can't see it going down well on twitter.

wheresmyphone · 21/10/2017 17:00

Do what one of the posters above suggested and get on to the charities preference service. They take it VERY seriously now and can de register a charity if they hassle people. Do it now. It should stop immediately.

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 21/10/2017 17:05

Yes. Register with charities preference. And next time they ring say you're doing so and if you receive any more calls you would consider it harassment

And name and shame. Here and all over social media. They should be ashamed hounding a widow

HornyTortoise · 21/10/2017 17:09

There was some klind of animal one at newcastle airport about 6 months or so ago. Very very aggressive. Infact, I am usually fine telling someone to piss off if they overstep it, but this woman, I could not get a word in and when I tried just walking away she followed me, getting louder and louder and asking me if I just did not care and such and it was very embarrassing. In the end, I gave her the bank details to a bank that I have not used in years to shut her up. I may have been a wimp, but I am not usually and really did feel pressured.

Have in the past been (on a few occasional) chased by charity collectors in the street. My husband had a cancer research bucket shook in his face not too long ago and the dickhead collector shouted in the middle of the street 'oh so you don't care about people dying then'...and this was only a year or so after his uncle died of prostate cancer. Its a fucking disgrace really