AIBU towards his working hrs when I’m pregnant?

[Popeye44]

Hello,

My Dp works 8-6pm Monday to Friday and has now began to work on Saturdays till the early afternoon. Problem is I’m due DC2 in a couple of weeks, our first child is only 2 and I’m finding things hard now on maternity leave entertaining him on my own for all these hrs a week. We have no family nearby for help. He doesn’t listen when I complain about his Saturday hrs and states his workload is falling behind because of incompetent staff which I do understand and we need the extra money so he feels the pressure to work the hrs. AIBU to expect more help, he is great at taking over when he comes home and all that, I think the hormones and tiredness aren’t helping.

YANBU of course. It must be hard for both of you by the sound of it, but unfortunately, a mother's work never stops, whereas the man can clock off at 6pm and chill. Can you take the kids to any kind of entertainment for kids, like the playbarn, parks, any play areas, or maybe to museums or zoos or anywhere that would occupy them. Even the library. Look on facebook for local groups.

Have you any friends or female relatives who you could share childcare with now and again? You have theirs for the day, they have yours???

Sorry I meant to say the father can clock off, not 'the man.' Apologies!

If you need the money then he is doing it for the good of the family rather than for himself iyswim?

but unfortunately, a mother's work never stops, whereas the man can clock off at 6pm and chill.

Bit of a generalisation there. My dh doesn’t ‘chill’ until ds is in bed, then we relax together. Also why only ask female relatives for help? Op might have a brother nearby.

You’re not unreasonable to want some support at all. He’s being unrealistic to think you’ll be able to manage 6 days a week on your own.

I understand the pressure he’s under too but he really needs to be there at weekends especially especially when the baby arrives. Do you have any family that could come and stay for a little while to help you out?

Op it sounds tough. The tv is your friend here or sitting in the park and letting 2yo run around. Let your toddler entertain himself a bit and take the pressure off, you don’t have to be ‘perfect’ at the moment.

It must be hard for both of you by the sound of it, but unfortunately, a mother's work never stops, whereas the man can clock off at 6pm and chill.

The op says he is great at taking over when he gets in. There's no suggestion that he's clocking off and chilling.

Op it must be hard but it's difficult when work is busy. Is he going to take paternity leave?

Thanks for the quick replies, I understand why he does the hrs, yes he’ll take two weeks when the baby is born and I’ve put my foot down about no Saturday work at all!

I’ve no family here where we are but my mum stayed for a couple of days this week to help out and will help out when he goes back to work as well as the dreaded MIL who is useless but that’s another thread.

I feel guilty that my 2 year old isn’t getting enough exercise, I’m learning to drive at the moment so will have to wait until he is home later to bring him to a soft play area.

I’m at the stage of pregnancy where things are needing done around the house that I can’t reach/lift myself and it’s pissing me off how close to my due date it is and the weekends are the only time it can get done!

What more is he supposed to do? You need the money so he has to work and he comes home and starts again.

If you can't cope with one child and no work, how on earth will you manage with two?

How are you doing during the week? Are you getting out to toddler groups etc? I met quite a few nice friends that way and we ended up doing a daytime babysitting/toddler entertaining circle.

There are 17 months between my children and DH works away a lot so I do sympathise but it sounds like he's working hard and as you say is hands on when he gets home. Maybe some of the extra wages could be spent on you getting some help or doing classes with toddler. I don't want to say you are U because I knows its bloody hard work and you are panicking about how you will manage with 2 (I did!) it will be alright.

YANBU but it's a tough one if he can't cut his hours down. Could you look at some childcare for your 2 year old? I have 3 children and with my second and third I was the same as you as my DH works those hours too (apart from no saturdays) and has minimum annual holiday. My youngest was due at the end of the 6 week school holidays so I had a school age child and toddler to amuse for 6 weeks whilst very heavily pregnant. My blood pressure went sky high and I kept being told I needed to take it easy but I had no help and couldn't. DH had the attitude that he had to work and that was that. It's tough but you will get through. I hope your DH is taking paternity leave as it will be harder once baby is here x

That’s really helpful Yellow

yellow seriously? Op is heavily pregnant, I’ll wager most people struggle with a toddler when heavily pregnant it’s not really an indicator that she won’t be able to cope with 2 kids. What’s the no work comment all about as well, how many women do you know that Work up until they give birth?

Do you have a garden OP? You can let your DC play out whilst you sit and watch if you’re not to walking anywhere. Bit of fresh air and just getting outside for a change of scenery is good.

YANBU of course. It must be hard for both of you by the sound of it, but unfortunately, a mother's work never stops, whereas the man can clock off at 6pm and chill

I really can’t believe women still hold these attitudes.

My dh doesn’t work. He doesn’t spend his life chilling either. He cracks on with the parenting while i am at work.

I am a mother. I work. I don’t chill at 6pm either, i get home and help with the parenting.

But yunno, fathers work while the mother runs the home and makes sure dinner and slippers are ready for the father when he gets in from a hard day at the office.

O/p, it’s balance. Which do you need more, the money or the help? Is your dh trying to get ahead of things so he can get away completely on paternity leave? Can he do stuff like sit at softplay with his laptop or work from home/go back to the office once dc1 is in bed?

I’m in a similar position, I nap when the toddler naps. Make sure I take plenty of breaks around housework. Set a timer for 15 mine, plonk toddler in front of TV and clean for that 15 min, then TV off and read a book on the sofa with the toddler. Exercise, if you don’t have a garden take the cushions off the sofa and build soft play in the sitting room. Direct from a chair with a cup of tea!

Sadly as it’s our own company there’ll be no paternity leave for DH, we’ll just have to muddle through until Christmas when he’ll try and take most of the week off.

I have a litter picker grab handle thing and a laundry basket and every evening anything on the floor gets shoved in the laundry basket for sorting when I have the energy, instantly tidy room with very little bending!

I think it’s one of those situations lots of people are in, I just have this guilt that I’m being useless and I’m fed up complaining but can’t help it haha

Thanks @YellowMakesMeHappy no wonder why people dont admit they are struggling at times, the idea that we as parents have to ‘get up and get on with it’ all the time. I did work full time in a busy healthcare setting working 13 hr shifts while juggling being a mother, I’m not afraid of hard work. It’s the low b.p in pregnancy and the weak spells I get in mornings that’s the hardest part