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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To move sons birthday?

21 replies

Divingheadfirst · 20/10/2017 21:52

Ds turns 6 in a few weeks. Its a thursday and we planned to take him and a few friends to bowling and dinner on the saturday.

OH has got notice that he needs to travel abroad and will be away for his birthday, returning friday evening. This is non negotiable.

Would we be unreasonable to have his birthday, presents cake and outing on the saturday with no mention of his birthday on the actual day (he wont know otherwise if we dont tell him)

The reason is that OH works very long hours, im a SAHM and we have both picked his presents and think he'll love them and would love for OH to be there to share the enjoyment in him opening presents and just being present for his birthday.

Wwyd?

OP posts:

SimultaneousEquation · 20/10/2017 21:56

Seriously your child is 6 and won’t be aware it’s his birthday? So he must be in Year 1. He will have been writing the date every day in his exercise books. Or at least it would be on the board. And presumably he knows his birthday is 26th October, and most year 1 children would be able to figure out, given today is the 20th, which day his birthday is?? You’ll also need to hide the newspapers and TV guide, and not listen to any radio or tv news so that the date isn’t mentioned.

I don’t think I’d have got away with it when my dc were 3, let alone 6. I’d be honest with him that you’re having the celebration on Saturday.

Thingsthatgo · 20/10/2017 21:58

Are you sure he won’t know it’s his birthday. My Ds is 5 and they have to write the date on their work at school. He would definitely know if it was his birthday. He also knows when it is his half birthday!
They also have their birthdays up on the classroom wall, so the teacher and other children would know it’s his birthday.
It’ll be very confusing for him if he works it out, and it might make him sad.

LovingLola · 20/10/2017 21:59

Yes you would be very unreasonable to pretend that his actual birthday i is two days later than it is.
Have a celebration with him yourself on Thursday - cake and candles and maybe Skype or Facetime his dad - and then do everything else on the Saturday.

MrLovebucket · 20/10/2017 22:00

I'd do it twice. If the Queen can have 2 birthdays then so can your son

Celebrate his birthday on the day, give him some 'little' presents and a small cake. Then do it again with Dad but with the bigger presents and a bigger cake.

Lifeisforliving25 · 20/10/2017 22:01

This is odd just explain to him about his dad and how he will have his presents day with you guys, fav meal etc

Then on the Thursday bowling cake etc

HouseworkIsAPain · 20/10/2017 22:02

Is there a reason why your son won't know it's his birthdays? All DC i know of that age would absolutely know it's their birthday coming up and the date.

If he goes to school, isn't there a risk that a teacher will mention it to him? At my DC school all the class sing happy birthday to the birthday child.

Lairymilk · 20/10/2017 22:02

Why won't he know it's his birthday

Glumglowworm · 20/10/2017 22:03

YABU to ignore his actual birthday, if he realises (very likely) he'll think you've forgotten and be heartbroken

Explain that as DH is away, you'll be celebrating twice, on his actual birthday a little but then the main celebration on the Saturday. Have a few small gifts (things you'd have got anyway if you don't want tat, pjs, books, a DVD etc) and a nice birthday tea on Thursday. Then what you had planned and his presents on the Saturday

steppemum · 20/10/2017 22:04

at 6 mine woudl have known the day and date.

In fact they would have been counting it down on the calendar!

I would talk to him about how you are going to celebrate it all on the saturday, presents, party etc etc.

But on the day itself I would wake him up with a big HAPPY BIRTHDAY! maybe have something special for breakfats and a small toy eg a cool little car or something to open to take into school. I would perhaps print off a 'party plan' for saturday in colour and talk about all the fun stuff you will do at the weekend. So yes do the cake, presents etc on Saturday

I have moved a 3 year olds birthday (nursery was shock! horror!) But I think 6 is too old

Original poster

Divingheadfirst · 20/10/2017 22:05

He knows his birthday is soon, will probably ask what day it is and count down to it nearer the time but he doesn't actually know the date. Hes never asked.

Obviously there's the point of school mentioning it and that's a good point. Thank you.

I just think I want his day to be really special with all his presents and a proper family celebration. I spend all day long looking after the kids on my own so would worry it would feel like just another day/night and wanted OH here to make it extra special.

OP posts:

FullMoonAndSpooky · 20/10/2017 22:07

Why lie to him? Just tell him the truth about his Dad, no big deal. It would be very awkward if he realised on his Birthday that you were ignoring it.

BenLui · 20/10/2017 22:10

The school will definitely mention it. I’d be a bit surprised if they didn’t also have a Birthday Wall.

Why not ask your DS how he wants to handle it?

It’s not unusual to have a small family birthday tea with a small cake on a school night and then party on the weekend.

The key question is presents. If your DH can’t beat not to see them opened why not have a few for the birthday and the special ones when Daddy is Home.

In the end though it should be up to your DS, it’s his birthday.

Original poster

Divingheadfirst · 20/10/2017 22:14

Thanks.

Yes, think we will now explain the situation and see what he decides he wants to do (small presents then rest on saturday or all on his birthday).

OP posts:

FeedMeAndTellMeImPretty · 20/10/2017 22:18

I quite often celebrate with my DCs on the weekend dearest their birthday. They open gifts and have a party if they want one. Cake is usually reserved for their party rather than just us 4 eating a whole cake on the actual day! It means they have all weekend to enjoy their gifts rather than opening them and having to rush off to school.

Then on the actual day they're usually at school so its not as much fun and opening gifts would be rushed. They get to open cards (& cash) from relatives on the morning and we go out for dinner in the evening to their favourite restaurant so its not a total anti climax.

BenLui · 20/10/2017 22:25

There is nothing negative about two days of presents!

AnyFucker · 20/10/2017 22:31

Just do it twice like every family in the history of the modern world has

Aquamarine1029 · 20/10/2017 22:35

I'm a little shocked that you would even consider ignoring the fact that it's his actual birthday on the day. You could make him a special breakfast and have a few small presents for him waiting on the table.

BackforGood · 20/10/2017 23:10

Agree with everyone else.
Just let him have 2 birthdays.
Both my younger two have always had "2 birthdays" , or even "3 birthdays" due to when their birthdays are. They love it.
Can't understand why you wouldn't want to let him celebrate more than once.

HouseworkIsAPain · 21/10/2017 01:22

We have two birthdays too if it falls on a weekday. Special breakfast, off to school with birthday badge on, back home for cake (got to blow out candles on your actual birthday!) and birthday child gets to choose the evening meal.

Then a bigger birthday party with family etc at the weekend, more cake and food chosen by birthday child.

NaughtToThreeSadOnions · 21/10/2017 01:31

I always had three birthdays one with mom one with dad and one with my respite parents. Sometimes even four if I went out with my stepdad for supper because my mom was working, or my birthday fell on a week day and we'd celebrate at the weekend. I still knew when my actual birthday was and it was always mentioned even if we weren't celebrating on the day.

Children often have there parties at the weekend nearest there birthday.

It's fine to hold the celebration and the birthday apart. But don't ignore the actual day. And the reason he's probably never asked is he knows so doesn't need to ask

MsPassepartout · 21/10/2017 01:31

I’d explain the situation to him and ask him what he wants to do.

I wouldn’t count on him not knowing the date. Every classroom my DC have been in has had a birthday wall, some with actual dates on. And the teacher may very well mention it too.

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