to think assertiveness is the answer?

[ChickenJalfrezi]

Disclaimer: not talking the more serious issues here.

Reading various MN topics and the general advice given is OP should be speaking up whether it be a relationship/employment/friendship issue.

What holds people back from being more assertive? Is it low self esteem?

I’m not talking about telling people to f*ck off but standing up for themselves and how they deserve to be treated

I agree. I’m often shocked by the appalling way some people let themselves be treated.

I think a lot of people equate being assertive with being rude, and that simply doesn't have to be the case. You can stand up for yourself and still be polite and respectful.

I think it could be low self-esteem but it also could be because people have never learned, or been taught, how to assert themselves in an effective way. I never learned how to assert myself when I was younger - my Mum's advice for every situation Is always to assert myself, put my shoulders back and projecting my voice. I know she means really well, but it's not very effective advice IMO. I don't come from a very assertive family!!

I think a lot of people equate being assertive with being rude

Agree completely Aquamarine

I also think far too many people were never taught how to be assertive and how to handle confrontation in a mature manner. If I had a dollar for every time someone writes "I hate/am scared of confrontation" on mumsnet, I'd be a very rich person.

I hate/am scared of confrontation

That is me!! How do you deal with confronting someone in a fair and assertive way?

I agree too Aquamarine

I’m pretty sure it’s something you can learn. I am sure I was always assertive but it wasn’t until I got older I learnt to be more effective with it

TheRealGussieFinkNottle what I hate more than confrontation is coming away from a situation feeling like I’ve been shafted or someone is significantly better off at my expense. I guess that’s my driver in trying to be assertive (but also fair).

@TheRealGussieFinkNottle

How do you deal with confronting someone in a fair and assertive way?

Let me ask you this, why do you feel standing up for yourself ISN'T fair to the other party involved? If you are being truthful, open to discussion, and polite, how could being assertive ever not be fair?