To keep my cat ?

[Moomoomango]

Hello all , in June we got a lovely cat from cats protection. She was a stray so they had no idea how she would get on with the children but when we visited her in her pen initial signs seemed positive she was happy to be stroked with the children (2 &5).

Since being at home with us she is a very loving and affectionate cat but petrified of the children. She will spend most of her day hiding under the bed or out in the garden and will only come into communal living areas at around 7 when she is accustomed to the children being in bed.

She seems happy in the evenings, but I'm worried she is miserable during the days?

Aibu to keep my cat? She's 8 and I'm hindsight think she would prefer a quiet house - which mine is certainly not. On the other hand she has built a bond with me, enjoys the run of the garden and is very loving (when it's just us)

YANBU. To be fair, if she's 8, she's going to spend most of the day sleeping anyway.

Can't you give her places she can sleep in the house where the kids won't bother her?

Does she seem stressed? If not I wouldn't worry.

You could maybe try a feliway plug in

Hi there,
Have you tried to put your cat's bed in higher places? I have done that at home and it works for my cat. Keep telling your children ' she is an old lady that loves naps' :)

If possible i would also try and set her up with a bed up high somewhere. Cats like height and somewhere they can look down. Something like on top of a fridge or wardrobe or a cat tree.

Also could you and your five year old spend time with her to make her feel less worried. Even if she's hiding under the bed you could sit quietly talking so she gets used to the voices. If your child can avoid eye contact and put their hand slowly out for her to smell it'll make her feel less worried.

My cats aren't scared of my kids and they still spend most days sleeping in or under the bed!

I would give her some 'safe' zones away from the children. Get a few cardboard boxes and pop them somewhere away from 'high traffic' areas in your house such as between a sofa and wall or a corner.

Get the children involved and get them to decorate the boxes on the outside but make it clear that when they're done this is the cats hideaway for when she doesn't want to play so she doesn't want to be disturbed.

My cat also didn’t like children - we had had her from a kitten and she completely changed when the children were born. She also wouldn’t just stay out of the way of them but would come into the room and hiss whenever they had friends over.

It never improved really. I’d say your cat would probably be happier in a different home without children but she’s yours now so it’s difficult. As long as she isn’t stressed in the environment it’s probably better than being returned to the rescue.

We did end up rehoming our cat with a friend when we moved abroad. But in hindsight probably should have done it sooner.

Our two spend most of the day asleep under the bed too, and we don't have any children. Given that she has a bond with you and comes out in the evenings, I think the stress of trying to rehome her would be much worse than providing her with places to be on her own/feel safe when she wants to.

We've no kids in our house and our cats still either spend the day outside or if it's miserable inside sleeping somewhere that isn't normally near us. They only seem to like us at night, I'm assuming it's because Monday - Friday we're out all day. If the cats showing no external signs of stress I'd leave her be.

My old cat hated living with the kids so much that he adopted the neighbours.

My older cat avoids squeaking children. He normally sleeps on my bed during the day but on Monday he spent the day in my wardrobe. Not because he was scared of Ophelia but because DD was running around and screaming panic panic and was trying to build a bunker for her soft toys on our bed. He's a perfectly happy and content cat otherwise. Sometimes he sleeps outside on the grass, even if it's raining. He loves being outdoors and doesn't mind a bit of a wet weather.
Don't worry, unless your cat shows visible signs of distress, she's fine. And she would sleep most of the day anyway.