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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Work - colleagues - don't know what to do?

18 replies

cannotbelievethistoday · 17/10/2017 20:54

I have a lovely colleague who has been off sick with stress for 6 weeks. Part of the problem is a new Assistant Manager who is confrontational and condescending, I can just about handle him, she can't.

Unfortunately, our lovely manager has now just announced he is leaving. My colleague is due to return to work this week and the powers that be have decided that the Assistant Manager be the one to tell her that our Manager is leaving. He will be incapable of doing this without being smug and condescending.

I think this is wrong. I asked for guidance off HR if I would be breaking protocol if I told her myself, and they said I would be.

Help?? Would you do?

OP posts:
WhatwouldAryado · 17/10/2017 20:57

Do you have her number? People talk at work. If some of your colleagues know then it is bloody poor of HR that she hasn't already been advised.
Meet her for a coffee. Tell her what HR said and the situation?

Original poster
cannotbelievethistoday · 17/10/2017 21:00

I do have her number and was all prepared to give her a heads up, but then HR said no I was breaking protocol. Now I am worried about getting myself in trouble v helping her. Realistically from a HR perspective - how much trouble could I be in?

OP posts:
Boysarebackintown · 17/10/2017 21:01

'Breaking protocol' to tell someone that the boss is leaving ? Do you work at No.10?
If I were in your shoes OP I would just call or send a quick text to give her the heads up - asking her to keep it quiet if you can. If you feel you know her well enough to do this.
Do HR realise why colleague is off work and that's it's related to assistant manager? She needs their support, if they do know they are not being very supportive. Hope it improves for you all soon.

Shenanagins · 17/10/2017 21:04

Why don’t you ask current manager to mention it to her?

Original poster
cannotbelievethistoday · 17/10/2017 21:04

That's what I was thinking! This is not MI5! The problem is Assistant Manager is going to take over the Manager's role, so her (and our) stress just got a whole lot worse. The powers that be are totally unaware of the strength of feeling on the factory floor. It's just a crap situation. I have only been with the company for a year so am torn between sticking my neck out and getting fired...

OP posts:
Original poster
cannotbelievethistoday · 17/10/2017 21:05

Current manager is on holiday for next 2 weeks.

OP posts:
GabriellaMontez · 17/10/2017 21:07

Just tell her. And next time don't ask hr. What protocol?!

NoKidsTwoCats · 17/10/2017 21:07

If it's public knowledge the manager is leaving, surely it's perfectly reasonable to mention it to her as a normal conversation? Protocol, my arse!

Polomintini · 17/10/2017 21:09

I this situation I would just tell her. I doubt there will be any come back on you and if there is then you are doing the right thing by your colleague and any investigation would see that. Ask your colleague to keep it quiet how she knows, I think she should be prepared to do that as you are looking out for her

Original poster
cannotbelievethistoday · 17/10/2017 21:10

It's who they have chosen to tell her.

OP posts:
sonjadog · 17/10/2017 21:10

I suggest that you pretend that she already knows. Send her a message saying that you are sad that lovely manager is leaving - written a bit like you think she would already have been told. And then take it from there.

Original poster
cannotbelievethistoday · 17/10/2017 21:13

That's a good plan Sonja. I think I will do that tomorrow. The last time she was in work she left crying, i don't want her to walk in and start crying!

OP posts:
CoffeeWithMyOxygen · 17/10/2017 21:25

In this situation I'd ignore HR and just tell her - she can pretend she doesn't know when the Assistant Manager tells her later but it'll save her being blindsided. And by the sound of things give her a chance to start job hunting - life's too short to stay in a job with such awful management.

PerspicaciaTick · 17/10/2017 21:29

Don't send her a message or put anything in writing, give her a call instead.

SparklyUnicornPoo · 17/10/2017 21:31

Could you tell her and just say you asked hr if you were allowed to tell her and they said no so please can she act surprised?

fruitbrewhaha · 17/10/2017 21:48

I'd second not sending her a text, call her, don't put it in writing, you can then deny all knowledge of the conversation afterwards.

Mantegnaria · 17/10/2017 21:55

Isn't it dreadful how nasty and freakish some people become when they are given a little bit of power as a manager? I think they often don't even realise how terrible they are.

I wonder whether you could arrange for someone unrelated to forward bits of this thread to the nasty assistant manager ? It might make her think.

WeAllHaveWings · 17/10/2017 22:13

You have been asked not to tell her, so get someone else to do it!

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