Whats App

[Fanghanger]

AIBU to be offended when my husband is too busy to text me, but I see him chatting away online to someone else?

WhatsApp can lead to some very unhealthy habits, watching for someone to come on and offline all day.

I deleted it and have been happier for it.

That said, I know how you feel and YANBU.

Depends.

My DP uses it for work so I have to tell myself he is busy chatting to a work person and he’ll reply to my non work message when he can.

I try not to go on it or would drive me mad

I get obsessed with this kind of thing on apps, so I update the settings so I can't see who is online/has read a message because it seeps into my mind. Either that or I remove it entirely.

Well it really depends. What is it you need him to text about.

Is it just a “hi how are you” text, or are you waiting for his ETA, or desperately waiting for him to send you time critical information?

In general, I let my DH manage his own time. I can’t really imagine monitoring his (or anyone else’s) WhatsApp.

I agree that it depends. I'd not answer him right away if it wasn't urgent, if I were mid-conversations with my sister or something.

All the senior managers at work use whats app and we are spread over 2 sites.

If i am busy at work and dh has text me 'hi hope you are having a good day' or similar, he knows i am busy and will reply if i get chance. But knows if i am whatsapp that its most probably work. He doesnt get offended because he knows i am there to work.

I understand your concerns.
Do you know if he does use it for work?

I could be biased but it was through WhatsApp activity I discovered my DHs affair.

I think it’s possibly work, but in a social context. He has a couple of work What’s App groups and other social groups, as do I. He does work from home a lot during the evenings while I have caring responsibilities so conversely, I’m not at home until later most evenings. I genuinely don’t suspect anything untoward. I just feel offended that when I text conversationally, I’ll be shut down with ‘I’m busy working’, but I’ll see him ‘online’ on and off all evening clearly in conversation with other people. I’m not bothered so much about who he’s talking to, so much as the fact that they take precedence over me. Maybe it’s a man thing, but I prioritise communication with him above anyone else, so I feel I’m less important to him, than he is to me. For context, this is a second marriage and we’ve only been together for three years. I just feel it’s a little early to be getting complacent.

You don't have to be physically on the app for it to show you as online....

Oh I know there are all sorts of glitches in all these applications, but this is a recurring theme in our relationship - not just digitally! We’re actually very together when we’re together. It’s when we’re apart I feel like I’m ‘out of sight, out of mind’ so to speak. I genuinely want to know if It’s unreasonable to be offended by my husband’s seeming lack of interest in me when he’s distracted by other things or people.

well - he doesn't have to prioritise texting you over texting his other friends. He might not have spoken to them for ages. Plus maybe he needs a break from texting you all the time. It's probably better to not communicate all day and then spend half an hour having a proper conversation when you meet up. Texting sometimes just isn't very satisfying and it can be nice to save things up for later to talk about properly. On the other hand it's rude to say he's working when he's not. He should say 'I'm busy texting so and so'. Personally I just don't reply to my partner if I'm busy with something. I wouldn't tell him I'm too busy to speak to him. That seems a bit arrogant!

From your last post - yes, you are being unreasonable.