To be fed up of DH being fed up?

[YourDandDaddy]

He is constantly 'fed up' of doing daily chores, says I care too much (we have cleaners once a week and often only clean up once in between). he is sick of having to cook and clean all the time for 2 DC (as do I). He thinks I'm silly cleaning up for guests as they don't care. He thinks i'm fed up too but just don't say it. He thinks i should empathise.

I say there are millions of families doing the same as us, I'm sick of him telling me he is fed up. I have no sympathy- he is a Dad. I tell him his dad left the family home because he wanted more excitement and to explore the world...

Your husband sounds like a fucking baby. It's called being an adult who has a home and a family. Chores are a part of life. Tell him to get over it already.

Fed up?
What did he think adult life with kids and jobs was going to be like? What a whiny baby

Well tell him unless you up the cleaner's hours and hire a chef he's going to just have to get on with it. That's life.
Although do you take any time out together without DC?

If you have cleaners why are cleaning up in between times? So cleaners come 'once a week and you 'only' clean once in between those visits?!

What a waste of time and space. I'd be fed up too. I'm with your DH on this. I only clean for guests if they're staying. Otherwise they take me as they find me. Cooking? of course. Cleaning! LEAVE IT. your house can't be that dirty!

He sounds like a huffy teenager.

How very unattractive.

Good grief. He sounds like he’s very unhappy with his lot! He’s probably the type of guy who thinks the grass is always greener?

Was his Dad like that? Hence why he left?

Can you do a date night or something?

He doesn’t want to adult? Tough noogy, he needs to suck it up and shut up about it.

Even if he left the family he would still have to adult in a different house and do more for the kids when it’s contact time because you won’t be there to do the teamwork thing.

Tell him to stop whining it’s part of life.

It needs to be kept tidy otherwise there's no point having cleaners. Similarly you need to wash up and do daily stuff like that. Actual cleaning, surely you don't do hoovering, dusting, cleaning floors etc? Unless there has been a specific mess to clear up? That would be excessive imo.

What is his suggested alternative re cooking for the DC? I can only think of 3.

1-Hire a cook or chef.
2-Stop feeding them at all.
3-You do it all.

Why do I have that sinking feeling that it's 3.

I'm almost afraid to say this but our cleaner comes once a fortnight and apart from cleaning up after ourselves, we don't clean in between.

We do, however, feed our children and do laundry and ironing. Aye, it's a pain in the arse but ... well, I don't have a but - it's life.

Why did you bring his dad into it? Don't get the relevance.

Who doesn't get fed up of the daily grind.

It's just life. Sometime it is rubbish and sometimes you do want a good old moan about it. I don't think you can say he's a baby, a wimp or a child because he's been whinging about the drudgery of life. Everyone does it.

However if he's just generally a whingy miserable sod YANBU

I wonder about your comment about his dad. That seems unkind and really point-scoring. “I hate cleaning”. “Your dad left”. I mean, really?

Ask what his solution is.

Is he whining because he wants you to do all the domestic work, and is trying to wear you down to the point that you will just take over?

Very fair point mrsterrypratchett. I do ask what his solution is. He just wants me to sympathise. I don't. His dad leaving I think is my fear he will get so fed up and leave too :(.

Yes he definitely sees it as just a good moan. I'm just sick of him moaning about normal family life. Constantly :(

You probably can sympathise with some aspects though. It probably is hard having no male role model that showed him how to be a man.

DH used to moan about work. He got the car journey. Then he had to stop moaning, because otherwise it would have gone on and on with no solution.

I also think humour helps. When DH used to sigh if DD asked him to play ponies or something, I would say, "magic of childhood". It was code for "I get it but suck it up". He felt I knew but without judging.

I get what you mean OP. Often my DH will whinge about normal day-to-day stuff, work, chores get him down etc etc. It makes me angry when he gets like that because to me it's just life & he should suck it up, what did he expect being an adult would be like?! I find it annoyingly childish. I think my anger is masking some sort of fear though, like is he trying to tell me something more when he's whinging, i.e. he's not happy? I used to try to make him feel better by doing it all myself, but soon thought sod that, he can just get on with it like everyone else has to.

Show him this thread now

Sounds like my DP.
I've just about reached the end of my tether today so I feel you, OP.
Today I wanted just half hour max of help to sort out upstairs and it was painful. Then he does the whole thing of trying to tidy as shit as possible in the vain attempt to not have me ask him again.
He's gone from his mum to his ex wife who didn't work so had more time picking up after him. because of male privalege
I work more hours than he does and I hate tidying as much as the next person but as PP said it's part of life unfortunately.
See also; being tired.
My god if I had a penny for everytime he complained of being tired/exhausted/knackered/got a headache/cold. It's boring and a massive turn off if I'm honest.
I lost it with him today and hopefully he'll be pulling his socks up from now on.

Sorry for the bombardment of your post OP!
I do know where you're coming from. Don't let him wear you down with the complaining, he needs to suck it up.

My ex was like this. So moody and petulant. I was ways waiting on him doing a Simon from the inbetweeners, and climbing up on the shed roof to huff over his "shit life" . He had to moan about everything, like an infantile, sulkier Victor Meldrew. I used to try to make him laugh, to get him out of his bad mood, but it got increasingly harder/frustrating. It's a brain drain. You have my sympathy op.

*always

Mine is always 'exhausted' too!

My DS shortly to turn 21 has these tendencies always sighing heavily drives me mad thankfully I'm divorced so it's only his crap I have to put up with