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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To send this?

36 replies

noimaginationatall · 05/10/2017 18:28

My family enjoy buying excessively for my child (2). LOs birthday and Christmas are close together so we have suggested clothes/books for birthdays and toys for Christmas - rather than masses of toys for both in the space of 10 days.
This has not been taken on board and the last two Christmases they have bought far too much. This makes my husband and I uncomfortable as we don't want a spoiled child who expects masses of gifts.

(They have form as we were ruined as children).

WIBU to send this to them?

"We would like to invite everyone to our house for Christmas dinner.

We also respectfully ask that anyone who wishes to buy LO a gift only buys him one. We want him to appreciate what he has as he is already very lucky."

OP posts:
HellsBellsnBucketsofBlood · 05/10/2017 18:29

I'd send it, because I hate the avalanche of tat. But you might get a massive backlash

Fekko · 05/10/2017 18:32

I used to tell the family just small gift for DS to open and beyond that, if they wanted, money for his savings account.

40andFat · 05/10/2017 18:39

No take the extra gifts and donate them to needy children then send a text saying that's what you did and for the record please listen when you say just to get 1 present.

SandysMam · 05/10/2017 18:39

I tried to say this to OH family and it did not go down well. They said "we love him, we want to spoil him" but they don't live with the day to day consequences. Now, he just goes from present to present, not taking it in and it is really sad to see. Plus our house ends up full of crap because that's really all it is. I want to put my foot down more this year but they won't listen Confused

Original poster
noimaginationatall · 06/10/2017 19:01

Thanks you! DH thinks it's too much but I don't think they'll listen any other
Way and maybe not even then!

OP posts:
CatsRidingRollercoasters · 06/10/2017 19:23

Yanbu. We have the same problem. It's a nightmare.

thatdearoctopus · 06/10/2017 19:27

we were ruined as children

What do you mean?

Theresnonamesleft · 06/10/2017 19:34

When they rock up with loads of presents say ' oh how thoughtful to buy and wrap presents that will be donated. Any ideas where you are taking them? No, here you are try these places." In the next few months you can do some research about local places. And of course don't forget "not sure why you brought everything in. More work loading the car. Anyway see you in a bit" and steer them back out of the door.

Chaos777 · 06/10/2017 19:41

As much as I want to spoil my GC, I know that a stack of toys is overwhelming and possibly wasteful.

I compromise by buying one good quality toy and a gift card so that mum & dad can buy bigger sized nappies, clothes or equipment when needed during the year. That way I get to see GC happy and hopefully help parents out a little.

flashheartscanoe · 06/10/2017 20:17

One year we sent an email to say the kids would like an outdoor swing set more than anything. We asked for contributions and got a really good quality one.

mummabubs · 06/10/2017 20:23

I'd be tempted to send it, as my MiL (very much out of love) bought my 2.5 yo niece 35 Christmas presents last year and I literally had to have a little cry in the toilet as I found it overwhelming and distressing to watch- DN actually said about half way through "no more presents now" but they kept coming!! Half weren't age appropriate and she got several of the same thing as MiL had been buying and wrapping as she went and then seen items out and about and not remembered she'd got them already!

Context of my reply is that I'm very pregnant with our first child who will be a very small baby this Christmas and I can already see us being inundated with presents for them when I feel exactly the same as you do OP! I've even suggested sending a message to all our family (but targeted at MiL from my perspective) about not getting them anything but as DH pointed out she'll have started buying things months ago. I figure I'll try and see how this year goes but if it's too much I'll 100% be saying something next year! (Might still say something this year as Christmas draws closer to try and damage control!!) Good kick OP, as I said I'd definitely be sending a message in your position x

SpiderWilly · 06/10/2017 20:23

oh how thoughtful to buy and wrap presents that will be donated. Any ideas where you are taking them?

FFS 🙄

OP as a PP mentioned why don't you drop into the conversation about outdoor things? I wouldn't ask for donations tbh but always found if I mentioned outdoor play items overly generous family would rather split the cost between them than buy loads of toys the children would lose interest in.

WhoWants2Know · 06/10/2017 20:25

Or instead of presents, ask them each to bring something small to put in a "time capsule" and open it on his 18th Christmas?

Bubbinsmakesthree · 06/10/2017 20:34

The message sounds like an oddly formal way to communicate with close family but other than that absolutely fine.

If you really think they can't limit themselves to one toy could you think of some things you could suggest - consumables like bubbles, stickers or colouring books for instance? Any collectibles you wouldn't mind accumulating?

LadyWire · 06/10/2017 22:42

As someone with a birthday two weeks before Christmas may I plead on your child's behalf not to ask for just one present to cover both? You wouldn't do it if her birthday was June and she didn't ask to be born when she was! I'm going to sound like a complete child now but at my advanced age there is very little in this world that can strike fear into my heart as much as the phrase "joint birthday and Christmas present" 😭😭😭

Blahblahboo · 06/10/2017 22:46

Agree with ladywire. It is massively unfair on your child to get only one present for both. You need to think of how that child will feel when their friends ask them what they got and they say nothing.
I'd even go so far as to say it is selfish

0hT00dles · 06/10/2017 22:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
noimaginationatall · 07/10/2017 07:30

I haven't asked them for a joint birthday/Christmas gift. Only one gift for Christmas. Nothing mentioned about birthday!

We also have all the outdoor things our garden can cope with as they turn up randomly throughout the year with picnic table sand tables!

I also want to discourage them buying gifts I would call Santa presents without speaking to us first. Last week someone turned up with a balance bike which is what we have got for Christmas.

It's very complicated and well meaning but far too much.

OP posts:
Original poster
noimaginationatall · 07/10/2017 07:32

@Chaos777 That sounds like a lovely thing to do and a compromise! I am sure that is much appreciated!

OP posts:
Lozmatoz · 07/10/2017 07:33

Or help you start/contribute to savings account for him?

MrsGabor · 07/10/2017 07:37

@Chaos777 you sound like a wonderful grandma, that would genuinely be so helpful.

We have a similar problem, but this year we've explained that DS has so much stuff that instead of gifts we'd like to take him to CBeebies land which he'll adore and we'd love contributions to something he'll remember for so much longer than gifts. Here's hoping!

stonecircle · 07/10/2017 07:55

Last week someone turned up with a balance bike which is what we have got for Christmas.

And how did you react? Did you take it and quietly seethe over the fact that you now have two and will have to return yours? Or did you very firmly say, "that's really kind but we've got her one. I do hope you'll be able to get a refund"?

I think the email sounds odd and informal. I think you should keep stressing when you speak to them that they shouldn't buy so much. They will ignore of course, but when they do rock up with bagful of presents, could you very firmly ask your mil to take say 3 from the bag then whisk the rest away to be opened later, so as not to overwhelm and over excite your DD?

My mil was exactly the same when my dcs were small. Very secretive about what she would be buying for birthdays and Xmas (frustrating when you're trying to avoid duplicate presents from relatives and everyone else is asking for ideas). And she would always buy masses of stuff too. I never managed to control her either!

Sleephead1 · 07/10/2017 07:56

I think you can send it but do you think they will listen? How about a activity pass like a years subscription to your local museum my grandma does that for my lb and my cousins lg then we can take them whenever we want. National trust membership or merlin passes depending on what you like to do? Or what about asking for winter coat, boots, puddle suit ect then a small toy aswell, years subscription to a magazine or craft box? Or do they have anything like lego, wooden train set that could be added to and ask them to get something for that. My lb loves his wooden train set and we are getting him new bits for it for xmas which i know he will love. Good luck op

TheClaws · 07/10/2017 08:11

Your family sounds lovely and very well-meaning. You could send:

“We’d love to invite you all to ours for Christmas dinner. Some of you have asked what LO would like for Christmas this year - thank you! Just one gift from each family would be plenty, and she will love anything that is a book xx

That is even if nobody actually asked LO wanted, etc...

FeelingAggrieved · 07/10/2017 08:21

Umm... dont do what @Theresnonamesleft suggested. Christ. 🙈

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