Mumsnet Conspiracy Theory

[Binglesplodge]

We were out with another family this afternoon and the dad told me in dead earnest that he'd be booking tickets for the local garden centre Santa experience online the second they were available because he's heard mumsnet buy them all up so nobody else can go.

Come on, confess... Which of you is running the Christmas grotto cartel? What are you doing with all the tickets? And do you do any others? Can I get 2 tickets to Wicked please?

Tenner for you, love.

My neighbour's friend's auntie's dog walker booked her wedding at the local Santa's grotto. Mumsnet contacted her and offered to pay off her mortgage if she let them have the booking. Tru fact that.

I knew it! All the chat about breastfeeding and primary school admissions had to be a cover for something more sinister...

Innit.

Mumsnet came round the other night and bought the contents of my fridge. I hear they are hiking up the price of salmon and rice to a shocking £7.

There are loads of tickets left near me!! That's discrimination that is what's wrong with my local garden centre!! Fuming I am, absolutely fuming

Why else do you think that Elf on the Shelf is so popular?

Are all the Santas held for ransom? Or is it a protection racket?

Mumsnetters across the country are clearly operating a black market in garden centre Santa tickets. Lots of unmarked notes tucked into empty Pom Bear packets...