AIBU to want to cut Christmas visit short.

[SemolinaSilkpaws]

DSis has decided for the umpteenth year she wants to spend Christmas with us. From past experience she will arrive around 22nd December and not go until 3rd/4th January. She will sit and criticise everyone and everything, arrive with very little or nothing as a contribution, sulk because she has received less presents than everyone else and be rude to us and any friends or neighbours who we invite in for drinks. She also resents anyone phoning us. One comment made last year was we should turn the phone off at 8pm as 'she' wants to watch TV.

We moved house earlier this year and really want Christmas on our own. This I know is selfish as she is on her own after several failed relationships and alienating many of her friends. For that reason I feel I should have her for the actual Christmas period. WIBU to tell her we are away until 23rd and then going to friends between Christmas and New Year. I suspect she will want to housesit for us which isn't happening either.

Do you have parents, or have they passed away?

Just send her an email saying that you have lots on this year and of course you'd love to see her at Christmas. Looking at my diary we'd be able to accommodate you between 24-27 December - are you able to make those dates? We appreciate you may have other plans so please do not feel obliged to come. We could always meet up some other time.

Very few relatives, one aunt who would love to have DSis for Christmas but DSis loathes her so won't go there.

Some people deserve to be on their own

Yes cut it short now or this will go on forever and one of your children will inherit her as well

Dances I wish, she lives in a bedsit. Another source of annoyance to her that I have a house and she doesn't. She is desperate to get a set of my house keys for her own use.

When our parents were alive she used their house as a hotel, used to turn up at any time day or night, stayed long enough to empty their fridge of food and would then leave. She started inviting her friends to stay there with her until DM put a stop to it.

Very much afeared if she gets keys she will start the same trick with us.

Don't lie about going away. Just email her (the sooner the better) as pp suggested, offering a 3 day period, maybe over NY Eve so that you have Christmas to yourselves.

tell her just that. you want christmas on your own in your new house. tell her now. it will give her time to adjust.
you are not responsible for her happiness

Thank you wise Mumsnetters. I really have wondered if I was being horrible and unsisterly. This has been going on for years and I cannot cope with it again. I feel new house, new start.

I wondered about galloping D&V but she might want to come and look after us.

seriously. text her if needs be.
"hi sis. wanted to let you know that me and bob will be spending Xmas together in our new house. After a hectic year its what we want. Hope to see you sometime the week after. Let me know your plans so we can arrange. lots of love Thelma

AJP's email is good. Send that.

She sounds like a bloody nightmare! Sister or not email her saying, "
We're having Christmas on our own this year but will catch up in the new year. " I'd seriously not be feeling good will to all men with a sister like this.

And when she does come, keep all your sets of keys carefully hidden.

Does she know that she's a horrible house guest? Can you tell her that you all dread her visits because of her behavior? She sounds very rude and entitled. Or perhaps I just have the rage from reading one too many CF threads

Could you ask her to help you get some Christmas presents out of the shed, then close the door and lock form the outside until 4th Jan?

I have a CFSis! Thanks again, you have cheered me up this morning.

She sounds like a joy, I'm not surprised she has alienated herself. I'd just give her dates which suit you. You aren't being unreasonable if you want a Christmas alone in your new house!

You need to break this cycle now. You are never ever going to enjoy a single christmas as things stand. She sounds like she enjoys being the 'difficult' one so she can be difficult elsewhere.

Line up with your aunt an alternative christmas for your sister, explain to lovely aunt that you have a new house and ensure the sister has an invite, and then email to say you are not doing christmas this year but aunt mabel has invited her to stay. End of. She may kick and scream but she may also learn that it is not a done thing every year that she comes to you, and that when she does a level of respect and care is paramount in your house.

If you feel like you must, invite her over for dinner early Dec, and remind yourself to be strong, she is not your problem!

What AJP said with bells on. It's not selfish to want Christmas on your own, whether or not you've moved house, whether or she's a selfish, entitled, rude, pain in the arse. And you have, and she is!

Don't do it. Where's your DP or whoever you live with in all this? Surely they'd like a quiet Christmas, watching and eating whatever they want and going on their phone if they want to as well!

Imagine it. Your home, with just the people who live there for Christmas. You could stay in your PJs, no hosting, just good food and sofa naps.

Tell her you feel you need time with your OH, she's more than welcome a shorter time over Xmas. Also, money is tighter following the move, so could she bring x, y & z.

You do indeed have a CFSis!
You are not responsible for her happiness and tbh she sounds like a nightmare who makes your Christmas stressful. You have seemingly hosted her year on year - well you have done your duty.
I would amalgamate the two emails pp have posted and say
Dear sis, Hubby and I have decided that we will be having Christmas in our new home together. We have also received some invites which we have accepted. You are welcome to visit us between 27& 30 Dec if you would like, but if you have any better offers don't worry about not coming! Why not visit Aunt Hilda at Christmas- she would love to see you. Love Semolina xx

AJP nailed it. I'd even go so far as to say if the idea of having her for xmas day doesn't fill you with joy, then don't invite her. She sounds like an awful guest and not one you want for multiple days! While it'd be kind of you to invite her for the xmas dinner you're not remotely obligated to. Why not just please yourself this year? Have her for a few hours on xmas day if YOU want that. But definitely let her know now that's what's on offer so she can make alternative plans.

I've had Christmases on my own while single and made my own entertainment. Mostly I'd do voluntary work for most of the day (usually manning the lines at the Samaritans) but also looked into helping at crisis at Christmas, a huge homeless shelter set up over the xmas period anyone can volunteer at. Those Christmases of helping others then spending the day alone pleasing myself were some of my loveliest.

Obviously it's up to her what she does, but I'm just trying to help you get away from the 'I must see her or she'll be all alone/sad' mentality. She's a grown adult, xmas happens every year. If you don't take her and she doesn't wanna be alone she has many many options.