AIBU to want to cut Christmas visit short.

[SemolinaSilkpaws]

DSis has decided for the umpteenth year she wants to spend Christmas with us. From past experience she will arrive around 22nd December and not go until 3rd/4th January. She will sit and criticise everyone and everything, arrive with very little or nothing as a contribution, sulk because she has received less presents than everyone else and be rude to us and any friends or neighbours who we invite in for drinks. She also resents anyone phoning us. One comment made last year was we should turn the phone off at 8pm as 'she' wants to watch TV.

We moved house earlier this year and really want Christmas on our own. This I know is selfish as she is on her own after several failed relationships and alienating many of her friends. For that reason I feel I should have her for the actual Christmas period. WIBU to tell her we are away until 23rd and then going to friends between Christmas and New Year. I suspect she will want to housesit for us which isn't happening either.

IF CFSIS does come, I think on the evening of 26th you remind her that you have plans for the next day, and that she needs to have left by a certain time of your choosing. Offer to help her pack, find carrier bags for her presents and so on. If there are no moves to start packing, say again that if she doesn't start you will, and do it. My guess is she won't want you touching her things and will grudgingly start. You just have to make sure she knows you won't be bullied or frightened into letting her stay.

If however she had been acceptably well behaved, I would make up a 'goodie bag' of nice biscuits, cake, chocs, etc for her to take home.

good text cora it will really too start making her realise that ur definding your own rules now and there will be some to how she accepts and comes into your home and space.your doing the accomadating hre your bening the kind ones you should dictate the rules.
though I'm now having horrible thoughts of her tryng to bring something that will outdo you!
I think the aunt is a good idea.its just putting buffers in the way of her behaviours.
don't back down on the phone we aren't as brave and emotion in voice levels can change things.she will be more able to either be shouty or make you feel guilty.
keep it descriptive and formal of the plan try to avoid emotional tags to it.youve said what you can do.that is that.
if she mentions being alnoe or what she will do without you etc simply steer it back to what might be on tv.what pud shall we have.anything she wants for the veggies etc.
maybe also mention times she can arrive.
and also a plan on how she will leave.for instance on morning of her meant departure go up and strip the bed.this way she cant try and make it later and later until she leaves....stays. plan an outing for your evening that day so she has to leave before you get ready to go out etc.i don't doubt she will try and extend her visit.

Blood isn't thicker than water to the cfsis though! That one way defence is always trotted out....when if it were really the case the sister wouldn't be vile and rude and selfish and lazy and obnoxious to the OP in HER HOUSE for the best part of a fortnight every single year would she? FFS

Stay strong op. Calmly repeat the same message to her over and over without wavering. If she is rude or shouts tell her that you are not willing to be spoken to like that and you are hanging up and will only talk to her when she is calm. Then hang up.

I wouldn't say bring food because we are a bit hard up at the moment. You bring food because that's what people do, you don't need another reason.

I plan on putting the phone on loudspeaker tonight when she rings then will walk out of the room if she gets silly. DP says he will be more than happy to deal with her.

I would hate this!

Stick to the script. Those are the dates and that's that. Let her tantrum.

I'd just tell DH to answer the phone tonight telling her you're out. If he's good at dealing with her-let him.

Hurray for your DP!

Do you think she will refuse to come if your aunt is there?

How about telling Auntie that DSis is coming and you can't accommodate both and telling DSis that Auntie is coming and you can't accommodate both, then inviting neither?

Andrew: behave yourself!

Andrew

Be strong! I think it is great that you are making a stand.

Please don't allow her to keep bullying you. You've given her the dates she can visit, if she can't handle that and gets shirty with you, I would retract my invitation.

Put your foot down. She's behaving this way because you tolerate it and bend over backwards to accommodate her ridiculous demands. This is the perfect time to change the way she insists on coming to you, please seize this opportunity, new house etc.

When she visits you, hide your keys so she can't get a copy cut.

Making the visit shorter is a good idea, that way shes not alone and you do t have to put up with her behaviour for as long

If she has a tantrum about the visit being shorter don't give in to her, it will just make her worse, mind you if it was me and she kicked off having a massive tantrum i would just cancel altogether

Stay strong Semolina! You have been very generous so far, dont let her continue to take advantage.

It doesn't sound to me like you owe her anything and it would absolutely be reasonable to not see her at ALL over Xmas. As others have said, she's responsible for her own happiness and can't keep relying on you to put her up.

I agree with others that you should ask her to bring a contribution eg some fizz, a dessert etc. Don't buy a back up and point it out if she doesn't bring what you'd asked for!

Good luck with the call. Keep us posted!

Stick to your guns OP

Good luck OP!

Don’t let the witch grind you down

I would have had Christmas to myself and invited her for new year only but I hope she doesn't give you too much grief of the phone tonight. If she does, retract the offer and tell her to bugger off!!!

Remember OP, she only walks all over you if you let her. Practice saying 'No'. Ignore tantrums, ignore threats and ignore bad behaviour.

CFSis rang an hour ago. Said she got my text and is a 'bit surprised' as we always spend all of Christmas and new year together and she wants and expects to spend all that time with us. I just said that doesn't work for us this year and waited. She said it must start working for us then as it was family tradition we spent that time together. At this point DP spoke up and told her she was on loudspeaker and this was our house and not hers to dictate to us. She swore at us and slammed the phone down. DP rang her straight back and has told her she is not welcome now for Christmas as he will not have me spoken to like that and sworn at.

The good news is I have spoken since to lovely Aunt and told her CFSis will not be joining us and why. She says her present to us this year is Christmas lunch out. She has been in touch with the local hotel and booked for us. This will be amended to not include CFSis.

I think I haven't heard the last of this but as advised will stay strong. I think we may well have to have a neighbourhood drinks party on Boxing Day all evening with no TV on!