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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want to cut Christmas visit short.

207 replies

SemolinaSilkpaws · 26/09/2017 09:39

DSis has decided for the umpteenth year she wants to spend Christmas with us. From past experience she will arrive around 22nd December and not go until 3rd/4th January. She will sit and criticise everyone and everything, arrive with very little or nothing as a contribution, sulk because she has received less presents than everyone else and be rude to us and any friends or neighbours who we invite in for drinks. She also resents anyone phoning us. One comment made last year was we should turn the phone off at 8pm as 'she' wants to watch TV.

We moved house earlier this year and really want Christmas on our own. This I know is selfish as she is on her own after several failed relationships and alienating many of her friends. For that reason I feel I should have her for the actual Christmas period. WIBU to tell her we are away until 23rd and then going to friends between Christmas and New Year. I suspect she will want to housesit for us which isn't happening either.

OP posts:
LemonBreeland · 29/09/2017 08:40

What a great result. A lovely relaxed Christmas meal out with your Aunt and not miserable sister to ruin it.

PandorasXbox · 29/09/2017 08:53

That's great news OP. Hopefully moving forward things will be easier for you now too!

CoraPirbright · 29/09/2017 09:40

I just said that doesn't work for us this year and waited. She said it must start working for us then as it was family tradition we spent that time together

Good grief - the entitlement and rudeness is breathtaking. The only sadness is that I am guessing she is bewildered as to why this has happened. Have you ever told her that her rude, stroppy and demanding ways and lack of any contribution is the reason why she is alienating her friends (and, finally, you)?? I doubt she'll ever really change but it might make her think a bit and at least try and reign it in a little bit.

Original poster
SemolinaSilkpaws · 29/09/2017 10:28

Morning all, thanks for lovely messages. Not an easy evening yesterday but is done.

Cora yes in answer to your question I have raised her behaviour with her in the past. The response was I was bullying her and to f* off. I am leaving my DP to deal with this. He is very happy to do so.

CFSis won't be told about the meal out as that would be really rubbing things into her and I don't think it is necessary.

OP posts:
kateandme · 29/09/2017 10:52

your upset because this is family.we love them no matter what.and your hurt because your a good and loving person.
your sister sounds so baffled with issues its made her a very saddened person indeed and I feel for how she has become.
but that is not your fault.seems to me you have gone beyond where many would and tried your best even this year.
you plans sound so good this year!cant wait for you hehe.
mmmm I'm just thinking of the lovely meal at the hotel now.i love menu browsing ha!
keep strong though.i gaurentee in the interim in til the big day she will be trying some sneaky moves to nab and reel you back in.
also look out for her trying to apolgise make amends though.you never no xmas miracles and all that.

2rebecca · 29/09/2017 11:07

I don't think she sounds baffled I think she sounds rude and aggressive. If she had just said she was disappointed and wondered what had caused the change this year that would suggest bafflement, but she showed no interest in the reasons why the OP wanted to do something different just anger that she wasn't getting what she wanted.

Appuskidu · 29/09/2017 11:14

I don't think she sounds baffled at all! Entitled, rude, needy and presumptuous, yes. Baffled, no.

Motoko · 29/09/2017 11:31

I think if there is any bafflement, it's how her usual tactics didn't work and she didn't get her own way.

Hissy · 29/09/2017 11:43

People like her will use what THEY know they are doing to you as an insult.

She said that you were bullying her and to fuck off.

What this translates as is How DARE you not bend to my wishes.

I agree she wasn't baffled, she was incredulous that you could DARE to change things, and it was mock bafflement to intimidate you. Your text was utterly clear and rather than text back, she told you she would call you tomorrow, so, therefore, put you on notice and hoping this in itself would cause you to lose faith and strength and cave the minute you called.

CoraPirbright · 29/09/2017 11:45

Cora yes in answer to your question I have raised her behaviour with her in the past. The response was I was bullying her and to f off*

Well, in that case she can bog off with her horrible attitude and bullying ways. No wonder she hasnt got any friends! Hope you have a lovely cheery Christmas with your lovely DP and Aunt. Flowers

TheMaddHugger · 29/09/2017 12:00

She wants what she wants when she wants it how she wants it

Wants do not equal Need

((((((Hugs))))))) OP. Don't back down. Toddlers have better control of their emotions that her

Puzzledandpissedoff · 29/09/2017 12:40

I have raised her behaviour with her in the past. The response was I was bullying her and to f off*

Somehow that doesn't surprise me Hmm

This whole sad scenario shows the truth of the old saying that we can do nothing about others' behaviour, only our own reaction to it. Frankly I'm delighted you have such strong folk around you, in your aunt and especially your wonderful DH; I'm certain you'll get through this with their help and find the peace you so much deserve Flowers

Sweetpea55 · 29/09/2017 12:49

AJP and yorkshireyummymummy have made some great points, combine them to make an e-mail.
Christmas is a time to be enjoyed not endured, The magic of anticipation is taken away for you if you CFSiS landing on your doorstep.. Strike now or you will never have a happy Christmas,

Appuskidu · 29/09/2017 12:51

How would she get to your house and home again normally? Is she likely to just turn up and cause a scene?

Sweetpea55 · 29/09/2017 12:52

Ahhh Iv just read that you have it sorted,,,well done girly.xx

TheDayIBroke · 29/09/2017 15:14

Well done! This will not be the last you hear of it, so be strong. Flowers

DancesWithOtters · 29/09/2017 15:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Spadequeen · 29/09/2017 16:32

Merry Christmas! Well done for getting it sorted, you can now relax and enjoy the run up.

WhereYouLeftIt · 29/09/2017 16:37

"She swore at us and slammed the phone down. DP rang her straight back and has told her she is not welcome now for Christmas as he will not have me spoken to like that and sworn at."

Result! Grin

expatinscotland · 29/09/2017 16:43

SO glad your partner told her off.

Anniegetyourgun · 29/09/2017 17:05

She is (And look what happened to her.)

Someone on here said a while ago that blood may be thicker than water, but that only means it makes more of a mess on the carpet. Which I thought was brilliant.

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 29/09/2017 17:34

Annie - that is brilliant. I am so using that line!

Op - take care. I am glad you've got it sorted (and your DH has your back!) I hope it's the end of it and maybe just maybe this will be the kick she needs to realise she has to change Flowers

TrumpsWigmaker · 29/09/2017 18:31

My SIL sounds just like your CFS, OP.

She won't have given up yet. She'll be planning her next move. You can expect flying monkeys.

Glad your DH has your back. Stay strong Smile

NC04 · 30/09/2017 12:52

Fantastic outcome!

Glad both your DH and aunt are onside. Your CFS sounds just like mine, unfortunately. The one time anyone managed to stand up to her my mother felt so guilty at upsetting her that she spent the day trying to ring her to make amends, so that our day out was ruined anyway. (The bitch in question was ignoring the phone, outraged that her plans to be a selfish fucker had been ruined, so wanted to my us suffer.) Let your CFS's future actions in response to this, whatever they are, be like water off a duck's back.

HeebieJeebies456 · 02/10/2017 18:03

CFSis won't be told about the meal out

Good. I wouldn't put it past her to turn up out of the blue if she knew.

If she turns up at yours univited -you will need to stand your ground. Spell out the boundaries to her and stick to them.