Help!!!

[MidiMitch]

Need some reassurance...My son, who's 4, has just started in reception. He has been doing really well and loves it. I'm not surprised because he has been at nursery since he was 5months old so is used to that way of life. On Friday, I got an e-mail from his (lovely) teacher saying there had been an 'incident'. When getting changed for PE he had gone it to the classroom to get his trainers and shown a girl in the class his 'private' parts. I feel absolutely dreadful about this and just don't know how to react. I have spoken to him and he knows he shouldn't have done it. Has anyone else had this happen? Is this really unusual? Please - - any friendly advice needed!!!

Erm... At that age that is learnt behaviour... I would be asking where he learnt it from

DS2 did this when he was in reception. He only did it the once. I'm sure it's quite common.

Fluffy don't be so dramatic, most kids do this at some point or another.

It's not necessarily learnt behaviour at all. Lots of little ones explore themselves and others. Use pants rule with them from the nspcc website. Hopefully that will help them learn about below the waist rules x

Hardly learnt behaviour - more likely to be curiosity and 'I'll show you mine if you show me yours'. I would think extremely common at that age. As long as he knows not to do it in future I'd try not to be too worried

I don't agree it's learnt behaviour little boys can be obsessed with their willies and are aware it's wrong to show your privates but they are just testing boundaries. He will have learnt it's not acceptable now.

Why would you post this in AIBU? Hardly the best board for "friendly advice".

Thanks so much. I want him to understand why he shouldn't do that but I don't want him feeling that private parts are dirty (which was definitely the message when I was a child). I am also really worried about the little girl. Do you think she'll be affected?

If you'd have said he was 14 I'd be concerned but 4 don't be daft.

Exactly the same thing happened with my friend's ds. She was mortified. He did it a few times and she was called in to the office etc. He grew out of it pretty swiftly. I think its just a thing that some kids do.

That's completely normal, you just need to have a chat with him. Look up psychosexual stages of development.

What’s the AIBU here?

Definitely not going to get into telling you about how the young girl may or may not be affected...

My 3 year old waves her bum in the air and shouts ''look at this! It's my bumbum'' and then laughs like a drain We've told her to stop it and i've no doubt she will soon. It's A Phase.

(I can assure you it's not learned behavior btw. She's either with me or DH and neither of us do much bum waving )

As for the little girl - i'm sure she'll recover.

OP

It happens it's normal. When I taught year one most weeks someone would take everything off when getting changed for pe. You just tell them to get clothes on as they will get cold. No point in stressing or make it bigger than it is because you will probably end up with an issue. Just say something like make sure you keep your pants on when getting changed because we don't want you getting a cold. Chances are it will be someone else next week and the week after!

He's 4. He's distinguishing himself from girls. Please don't blow this out of proportion. He just needs a chat about what should be considered private and that his penis is one of those things that should be private.

Misses point

They email you? Ours would grab you at pick up for little chat

I don't do pick ups or drop offs because I work really long hours so am not around to speak to personally.

My DS did this at nursery aged 4.5. They had a word with him. I had a word too. Like you I didn't want him to feel shame and so I need to sort out the pant rule book. But for now I explained that people don't want to see where your wee comes out and so that's why we keep it private. No repeat so far-fingers cross.

My four year old thinks waking his willy about is hilarious. I've told him it's not appropriate to do this in front of others e.g. at school but I wouldn't be surprised if he still did after PE like yours has. It's totally non sexual at this age they're just obsessed with willies and poo etc.

Learnt behaviour to be concerned about would be if he wanted her to touch it or put it somewhere.

He's normal x

My son is coming up to 5 and loves penises. 'Mummy, look at my penis, mummy, can I put my penis down the plug, mummy, where's your penis, doe sleep Granny have a penis' etc.

They're at the age where they're realising they're different from girls. It's good to know it happened so you can reiterate that it's not something he should be doing, but it's no big deal.

My son knows his is private and he should only play with it in the bath or when he's in his bedroom alone. I still wouldn't be that surprised though if a teacher told me he had 'displayed' himself one day.

I did it with my cousin as neither ifea what lied down below. Caught by auntie and oh boy. It was

bluddy awful, stripped off and we stand staring at each others privates for what seemed ages

I never a penis till I was a cadet nurse 😳😵😱

saw 😱

you know what a mean !!!!

It's normal. I second the Nspcc pants rule. Every child should be taught it regardless. Just Google it and have a chat with him about it rather than trying to make it any big thing as otherwise he might start to feel bad about it when he's done nothing 'wrong' at all