To think my 11 month old is aggressive?

[Aliveinwanderland]

When DS is frustrated or upset he will hit, pinch and scratch my face. It's a purposeful attempt to lash out in frustration, not him just being a bit rough when exploring.

Everything I have read says he is too young to be aggressive and is just learning about touch etc. But it is so clear that he is doing it to lash out. His face is angry and frustrated as he is doing it.

As soon as he does it I am putting him down and saying no. I'm spending lots of time showing him gentle touch.

Is there anything else I can do to stop this?

To WANT to inflict pain on another person, a child has to be able to understand that person is a) an individual, b) has feelings and c) is separate from themselves.

Children don't develop this until way later than 11 months, so whatever this appears as, he is categorically not doing it on purpose, so you cannot claim he is aggressive. (I'll leave aside the self fulfilling prophecy of that viewpoint.)

I can't offer specific advice on dealing with it (mine are waaaaay older!), but please don't label your little baby as aggressive when he isn't.

11 month old babies can get frustrated and cross of course, my ds hated not being able to walk at that age and got so cross about it!

I don't think your baby is aggressive though, he's just trying to communicate his feelings as he can't talk yet. Can you usually tell what he's upset about? If so pop him on the floor (to show he can't be held if he's hurting you), and verbalise it for him. You could also try baby signing?

Aw my DD did this. I think it's completely instinctual. They get angry, can't communicate it, and they hit out.

I would just put her down and walk away, saying mummy didn't want to play if she was going to hit.

She's 2.5 now and has long grown out of it.

He doesn't have words so is expressing how he can.deflect his arms and say no calmly but try and work put what he wants

Or he can't have it offer distraction

Thanks everyone. We are doing baby signing but as yet he hasn't grasped any of it.

It can be so painful when he grabs my face and he makes such an angry noise!

OP, parenting is a long road. Don't fall down at the first hurdle. Your child is 11 months old for god's sake, it's a little early to be branding him "aggressive".

He's trying to communicate a need/something to you. I would try and work out what it is he wants.

The actions are aggressive but the intent in not as they have no understanding of such a concept at that age and they have little control over their emotions. Life can be frustrating for a baby.
To deal with it you need to persevere with putting him down and saying no but also learn what triggers the responses so that, if possible you can avoid the situation before it arises.

His a baby, he isn't aggressive. Wait till his a toddler.

It's a purposeful attempt to lash out in frustration, not him just being a bit rough when exploring

Is not.

Hold him facing outwards.

If he grabs you ,hold his wrist.

Sounds like you could do with reading a but more on child development or chatting with your HV

Yes he's not PURPOSELY aggressive , he's too young to understand.

But he will understand if you say firmly 'we don't hurt people' While he's actually lashing out and hold his hand firmly and don't smile. Then a soon as he stops smile and say lightly 'good boy, good boy' kissing and cuddling him. It's a stage don't make a big thing out of it!

Ds was and still is like this at 22 months. He is super kinesthetic, he expresses himself through movement. So hitting and pinching when angry makes sense to him, just like nuzzling, massive kisses and cuddles do when he's happy. Now he's finally wanting to express himself with words the hitting is improving, but it's not aggression it's expression!

Maybe a frustration thing. Mine were a bit like that as they wanted to move and talk but couldn't! It will improve, sometimes this is just before they reach the next stage, ie walking or crawling.

He doesn't mean it, honestly. My ds did this too. Consistently saying no and removing his hands / putting him down stopped it within a month or so. He's 14mo now and doesn't hit at all just strokes my face and plays with my hair (which can be painful when he tangles it all ).

Yes YABU. It is your interpretation that his behaviour is aggressive. He may be frustrated, upset, angry, and he is expressing that, because how can he not? But, look at your interpretation of his behaviour and ask yourself if it's really helpful in any way.

I know a family who said about their baby in her first days on earth that she was wilful. They gave her that label and treated her accordingly. They treated her as if she was trouble, right from the beginning of her life. Ten years later, everything is a battle. Because they set it up that way.

If you start taking your baby's moods personally you are going to have such a hard time. Remember he has limited ways he can express himself, and he is allowed to be overtired, irritable, frustrated, furious etc

Maybe you are finding things difficult and that makes you think you are being attacked by him. Make sure you are getting what you need to feel better.

Oh just to add whenever my son starts getting grumpy he's either; tired, doing a poo or hungry. I know they're all different though.

EXACTLY Fantastic It's about time that child development was taught to parents. I always get sad when people take their 2 yr old's tantrums personally !

Oh op. I saw my dc1 in this way. In reality it was normal behaviour but I wa taking it personally. My dc would bite until age 3, when I learned techniques that helped changed my way of managing his behaviour or it was outgrown.
I ended up having him referred to camhs. Helped me see it was me, not him. Now I have dc2, and yeah sometimes I feel myself taking it personally again thinking gah you aggressive little sod - but then I catch myself. It's their way of communication. They feel things in such a raw way that they express it the only way they know how. I am bit, smacked and hair pulled multiple times a day. But it'll pass, and I have to teach gentle hands.

I promise you, it won't last forever

He's a bit young but probably a smart child. He's learnt consequences and because you have to react he repeats the behaviour. Similar thing when they repeatedly drop things etc. As other pp it's wayyy to early to brand ds as aggressive. I would focus on redirection/distraction techniques and hopefully ds will soon pass this phase.

Also you probably already know this but please be very vary of ds around other small children and babies just in case.

And I wouldn't advice restraining techniques like @DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen suggested. Personally I don't like it at that age but your hv would be best placed to advice you and don't feel embarrassed about talking to the hv, it's very common.

Eh, don't worry about it. He is definitely expressing frustration and his actions may be aggressive now, but it'll gradually go away when he starts to learn his words. Just don't be aggressive back, so that he knows it's not acceptable.

I was told by DD1's pediatrician at her 10 month check up that "Wow, she has an attitude!" DD1 is 17yo now and a lovely girl who has tons of friends.

He's not aggressive, he's just a baby trying to figure the world out. You're doing the exact right thing. When he hits or pinches, tell him NO very firmly and put him down. Every single time. He needs to know very clearly that hurting others is not allowed. I promise he will figure it out!