To go against nursery advice - potty training

[ToddlerTantrumTime]

My DS just turned 3 and just started nursery.

They kept stressing before he started about how important it was for the kids to be in proper underwear so DH & I started with potty training and DS started to get the hang of it, but then he really hasn't been well at all and after a few days laid in bed in nappies he has spent the last 3 days in pants and done every single poo and wee in them (my poor washing machine!) in spite of being reminded very often that he's got pants on and he must use the potty or toilet.

I'm in two minds about continuing with pants or reverting to pull ups where he can still be encouraged to use the toilet but if he has an accident then he isn't getting so upset / going through every item of clothing!

He knows when he needs the toilet as he will tell me but he just won't use the potty or toilet, it's almost like it was a novelty and now he's not bothered since the novelty worn off.

I'm also wondering if the new-ness of nursery is putting him off using the toilet.

So WIBU to send him to nursery in pull ups for a couple of months and try again once he's used to the staff / other kids / routine etc even though they asked him to go in pants?

Keep going they get there eventually but yes there are endless washing days. On days like this I just kept sitting child on potty every 30 mins or so - you do get to know their routine a bit- ie drink 20 mins later a wee etc

Stick at it he will get there but it does need to be intense and you do need t pay attention and pick up on his cues etc

You can get washable cloth training pants, with an inner liner. Stuff doesn't leak onto clothes but they get heavy and wet - so not like nappies. They also look and feel more like normal pants.

I bribed my son with sweets. Probably done some long lasting psychological damage, but at least he's out of nappies! At the end of the day, he's your son. It's your decision.

Just to add - both of my kids got the hang of potty training, but then had a spell back in nappies. I think it stressed them out and they needed a break. Letting him wear nappies for a few days won't undo all the work you've done so far.

If he got the hang of it once, then it's clearly not a question of him not being ready, so I think you just need to persevere. It is a huge phaff!

It is a total pain but persevere and DS will eventually get it. I had endless days of putting my DS on the potty every 30minutes, he never went, only to wet himself as soon as he was off the potty!
Loads of other people told me that eventually there would be a breakthrough and everything would work out and it did.
Your DS will get it.

I'd carry on if he was doing well at the start. The only time I'd say wait a while is if you try and they're just not getting it at all. All toddlers will have blips when they're training leading to endless washing due to them being unwell, changes in routine, using toilet for wees but pooing in pants etc etc. It would be very confusing to have them in and out of pull ups every time you get a few days of accidents.

With my DC, I stressed massively over DC1 and it took them ages to totally get the hang of it. DC2 I let them indicate when they were ready, they hated the potty but once we used a seat on the toilet were trained within a week. DC3 was quite late, and using pull ups at nursery after their ideal time to change; but then again when ready went straight to using the toilet and fine within about a week.

I think going back to pull-ups would be a mistake. I was tempted after two weeks of DS holding in a poo for days to avoid doing it in the loo or the potty. He'd also try to avoid doing a wee in the loo or potty and would hold it until he couldn't any more and wet himself.

It took about 10 days to crack wees and he'd be put on the potty every half hour. The potty went EVERYWHERE with us and it didn't matter whether we were walking down the road or in a car park, of sit him on it.

When I first started potty training he was bribed with sweets (graduated to tiny toys for poos). I was worried that he'd expect a prize every time he used the loo forever more, but now he is brilliant. He's almost 3 and the only reason he wears a pull-up to bed is because I'm being lazy.

Please persevere! It'll make your life so much easier!

Another one here who did it with bribery. Hourly visits to the potty to "make room" then a jelly tot.

Watching with interest. We've had a right game with our son, he's back in pull ups at the moment and seems to actually be better at using the loo now the pressure is off a bit.

I agree with the bribery method, especially if they know when they need to go and it's just reluctance to do it. We have had a couple of periods with our DD refusing to use the toilet/potty (despite having done it perfectly well before) because she found it boring or annoying. We've got through them by upping the ante with bribery - basically just new exciting packets of stickers from which she can choose one each time she successfully uses the toilet (even better (i.e. more shiny and sparkly) ones for poos). (If the stickers started getting boring, we'd substitute them for a different set, and rotate to keep the novelty.) As soon as she was excited about the new stickers, she'd immediately stop making a fuss about the toilet. I'd also sometimes encourage her to think about what sticker she wanted next time, so that I could remind her about the sticker she'd chosen if she started saying she wouldn't sit on the toilet.

Having said that, we recently had a 4 hour flight, and did put her back in pull-ups for that, because of the risk of not being able to get to a toilet if we were stuck in a security queue or with a 'keep seatbelts fastened' sign, and the transition didn't seem to be a problem afterwards.

I stopped twice with DS between 2 1/2 and 3 left it a few months and tried again. When he was ready training took 1 week.

Speak to the nursery - mine had a rule that they had to be potty trained but DS regressed when his sister was born and they were very supportive. He did go back into pull ups because it took us months to get him to poo in the potty (although he usually waited til he got home!) but he was dry again almost immediately.

Wow, I'm surprised by how many people are saying it is has to be a huge pain and to persevere despite the constant wetting and soiling.

My eldest threw her nappies off, and was dry consistently day and night. No faff or wetting or soiling. It was that easy.

If you wait till they are ready it shouldn't be a pain.

I'm surprised about nurseries saying the children have to be out of nappies - this goes against the EYFS which is statutory! Basically, it's discriminatory practice. That's not to say you shouldn't be potty training if DC is ready!

Well bully for you hibble. Can you not imagine some children find different things difficult?

What hibble is trying to say is if you wait it can be easy rather than a battle.

Unless there are issues 3 years old is certainly old enough to be out of nappies. My method involved staying home for 3 days, always having a potty in the same room as us and keeping my LO naked from the waist down. The feeling of pants is similar to nappies and can confuse them to start off with. Lots of praise, chocolate buttons and clelbration of wee! Good luck. Keep going..

In my haste not to blame ds for accidents, I made it worse. Turns out I was too nice and he translated "never mind, better luck next time" as "it doesn't matter and isn't important to mummy". A few dissapointed "oh no- again?" did the trick. 3 year old kids often want to please.

Thanks everyone for the advice.
I stuck with it and it seems he has finally realised.
2 dry days so far now! 😊