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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be so fucked off with my toddlers behaviour

209 replies

cassiebabie · 09/08/2017 08:33

My toddler has just tried to head butt my partner after being told off for hitting and trying to kick.
He seems angry a lot of time. Will hit for no reason, scream if he doesn't get his own way.
Can be walking down the street and if you don't take his hand he will just stop and start screaming like a banshee. Then he will run at you, hurting himself more. If you don't acknowledge him he will scratch or bite you
I've just had to turn tv off as he is on his bike purposly crashing into things like his table or his sister's bouncer.
I'm so fucking fed up of being in tears at this behaviour. Is it normal? What can I do please

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 09/08/2017 08:35

How do you respond to the behaviour? What are the consequences for it?

Original poster
cassiebabie · 09/08/2017 08:37

I tell him don't do that, if he does it again he gets picked up and put in naughty corner. If he still carries on toys are taken away

OP posts:
DonkeyOaty · 09/08/2017 08:40

How old is he? And how's his speech/understanding?

As a side issue best not have bike available inside, too tempting.

Original poster
cassiebabie · 09/08/2017 08:42

He is 2 months over 3, I believe he understands perfectly. Because if you say what did you do wrong he answers "I spit" "I bite" "I hit"
I suppose no bike inside would be a good start but then he has no toys downstairs and just gets bored

OP posts:
Original poster
cassiebabie · 09/08/2017 08:42

He doesn't act like this towards anybody else either if that makes a difference

OP posts:
chocoraisin · 09/08/2017 08:47

how old is his sister? Sounds like attention seeking from you. Lots of toddlers react to a new baby (for a long time) and will reserve this for you. Up til now he's been the centre of your world and toddlers don't do sharing - especially not sharing mummy. Can you give him some special time when it's just mummy and him? I know when they behave badly the last thing you want to do is spend more time with them, but often discipline makes it worse for a tiny child, and affection/attention settles it down. 2 is too young to understand time out, consequences etc. The behaviour is expressing a bad feeling - I often remind myself that kids don't behave better when we make them feel worse. It's hard and I really feel for you! But hang in there. And get some RL support for you too! A coffee with a mate at soft play while the terrible 2s were in full flow saved my sanity many times!!

thethoughtfox · 09/08/2017 08:47

All these situations seem like this is what he does to get your attention. Maybe try giving him lots of attention when he isn't doing this to preempt it. And if he does these things, ask him why, how is he feeling, does he want mummy's attention/ too hold him etc Then tell him it's ok to have whatever feelings it is but it's not ok to shout / hurt people because... Talk to him about how he can tell you/show you he wants attention.

WishUponAStar88 · 09/08/2017 08:48

I feel for you my toddler is a little younger but they certainly know how to push the boundaries! Why does he have no toys downstairs? With nothing to entertain him he's much more likely to play up. I know it's not for everyone but I don't have tv on at all in the day so that she can concentrate properly on her game/ colouring/ whatever she's doing rather than half listening to the tv. Mostly though I'd say you have to be firm and very consistent. Taking toys off as punishment is tricky because then he's lost his form of ebtertainment. Maybe try rewarding instead with say a sticker chart?

Original poster
cassiebabie · 09/08/2017 08:48

He has been like this for a good year now though so doesn't seem new baby related. Sibling is 5 months

OP posts:
MeltorPeltor · 09/08/2017 08:50

Is he tired?
Why doesn't he have toys other than the bike downstairs?

I think he's probably just looking for attention, you mention a sibling, are they younger? He sounds as if he could be acting up because it gets your attention and otherwise if he just plays quietly he gets none.

Next time he starts acting up why not ask him if he'd like to cuddle up and read a story instead.

Original poster
cassiebabie · 09/08/2017 08:50

No toys downstairs because he spits all over them and so I've taken them off. The only thing he has left is his bike and that's very close to been broken because he keeps throwing it against the wall
I have the tv on for max of an hour to catch up on a programme while he is usually having cereal

OP posts:
Original poster
cassiebabie · 09/08/2017 08:53

Well I have no friends so soft play dates are not a thing. Our nearest soft play is about 40 mins away it can take an hour and 40 mins to get there. But if he acts up the whole way why should he then be rewarded with something like that?

OP posts:
bangingmyheadoffabrickwall · 09/08/2017 08:56

I'm with you!

My 2 year old's behaviour is horrendous. Destructive, screams like a banshee, hits, kicks, bites, scratches, pushes etc. Yesterday she picked up the cats' bowls and threw cat food, biscuits and water everywhere. Then she tipped out the drawer unit of toys everywhere and proceeded to leave them. I know a 2 year old has a short attention span (and fuse) but if something doesn't so what SHE wants it to do at that precise moment, she hurls it at walls and floors. Her attitude when she speaks is a bit Shock. She stamps her foot in temper, crosses her arms and pouts her lips when she has a huff! I cannot even pop to tesco without her swiping everything off shelves and then she pulls a face and says "Ha! Ha!" She is hard work!

Adorable and funny but bloody hell, I have never come across such a stubborn, willful and assertive 2 year old ever. Her communication and language skills are actually very good for being 2 years and 5 months.

I can only says I am lucky she loves her sleep and has been a good sleeper since being 6 months old.

I a dreading her starting nursery. I fear the phone calls from school.

Original poster
cassiebabie · 09/08/2017 08:58

See banging, he is good as gold at nursery. I've told them the exact same as I posted on here and they are Shock at what I say, they say he doesn't even have one tantrum

OP posts:
MrsBobDylan · 09/08/2017 08:59

He needs toys downstairs, toddler boredom is your enemy here! His behaviour sounds very normal I'm afraid. My youngest son is my most laid back child and even he gets fantastically angry at apparently nothing sometimes.

Don't over react by taking all his toys away, say to him that you can see how angry he is, tell him you'd like to help him feel happy and what can you both do to make that happen. If he's still raging, leave him be but away from his sister, and tell him to come and find you when he feels less angry.

It is all normal, try not to worry. It will get so much better the nearer 4 he gets.

Original poster
cassiebabie · 09/08/2017 09:01

Well I took them away because he spat all over them
He has a baby doll, that got taken away because he went in a strop that he couldn't get it's hat on and launched it at the tv
The dolls pram got taken away because he threw it at my partner
They get taken for a reason and not just because

OP posts:
Batoutahell · 09/08/2017 09:01

Hang in there, it will pass!

Sorry, no better advice but I think we all go through this to varying degrees with 3 yr olds.

JustMumNowNotMe · 09/08/2017 09:02

If he is saying "I spit" etc at 3, is there somw language delay that is causing confusion? I don't meant to sound rude, im genuinely curious as my 2 year 1 month old speaks in full sentences now as did her older sister? Might be worth a chat with the HV?

KitKat1985 · 09/08/2017 09:02

I think not having toys downstairs might be counter-productive. He might be getting bored which is making him more restless and agitated.

If my DD is naughty I take her away from her toys for a few minutes, then let her have them back when she's calmed down and / or said sorry.

Original poster
cassiebabie · 09/08/2017 09:03

He's been under salt and they don't see any problem with his speech

OP posts:
Original poster
cassiebabie · 09/08/2017 09:04

Well if I give them back within say 20 min he just does the same thing again

OP posts:
brasty · 09/08/2017 09:08

What do others do differently with him?

Original poster
cassiebabie · 09/08/2017 09:08

Give into what he wants probably, I'm the only parent that ever says no and lays down boundaries

OP posts:
nutbrownhare15 · 09/08/2017 09:09

I don't think he is trying to be naughty and so taking toys from him is counterproductive. He likely has no idea why they are gone and won't remember what you said about it. I've just bought a book called how to talk so little kids will listen. It's fantastic and has helped me understand why ti.e outs and punishments don't work at this age. It's also helped me to understand things from my 2 year olds perspective and know how to respond to challenging behaviour and how to stop some tantrums developing. I'd really recommend it, only bought it last week and it's had a big effect already. He is after connection with you so will do things that wind you up if he can't get that connection in other ways. Ahaparenting.com also has some great info on dealing with toddlers

ChocolateRaisin09 · 09/08/2017 09:10

Maybe he feels like he gets more attention when he's naughty... I know it's really hard but try to ignore little behaviours or distract him, and heap on loads and loads of praise when he does anything good eg eating his cereal nicely, nice cuddle etc. Maybe crayons, puzzles etc? We have a behaviour chart too

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