How to stop comparing myself to others?

[CatWranglersAnonymous]

Any words of wisdom please? It's something I've always done, and it's really getting me down.

It's mostly always things like: 'Person A and B do this perfectly and I don't' or 'Person C is so great at this, and I never will be.'

Thanks everyone.

Avoid social media. It really compounds this issue and gives false impressions of how perfect everyone else's life is.

What kind of 'things' are you feeling you're not as good as others?

Learn to love yourself a little more, or find someone who loves you no matter what. Maybe some workplace or life coaching would help to build up your self-confidence?

It has taken me getting to my mid 30s to achieve this (mostly). But the older I get, the less I care. Outwardly people may look like they have the life of Riley but in reality, you never really know what's going on. Don't be swayed by FB and the false impressions it gives. Take pride in what you do, be kind and smile. Can't go wrong!

It's more or less linked with my self-esteem and self-confidence, so my confidence and self-esteem are pretty shit (mostly).

I read an article here that had quite a few good ideas on how to deal with it.

One of the ideas was to think about the things you're good that and that you enjoy doing. I find it really hard to think about what I'm actually good at, as I've spent so long thinking about how rubbish and inadequate I am (my fault, I know). Any way of getting around this please? How do you get to know what you're good at and what your talents are?

Try and focus on the things you do great.

Nobody's perfect, they're probably thinking the same about you "cat does such and such perfectly". Everyone has their strengths.

If there us something that you would like to do better, set out a plan and identify the steps you need to take to improve

Agree with the pp about social media. It's not an accurate reflection and often the people posting the "most wonderful lives" on there are looking for validation from others, when the reality of their lives is quite different.

Thanks everyone

LiveLife just everything, really. I'll think, 'oh so-and-so's really funny - I'll never be', or 'so-and-so-so's really kind - I'm not' or 'so-and-so-so's really clever - I'm not'. It's got to the stage where I find myself comparing and overanalysing so much that I notice I'm doing it and want to stop doing it but don't know how. I know it's making me unhappy but I'm not sure how to stop doing it.

Thanks Sprinkle and Davies - both of your suggestions are really useful :)

You're probably good at lots of things.
Sometimes we learn what we re good at from validation from others. People tell us. It can be formally, like awards, certificates, results or informally, like a friend telling you. Sometimes, we can compare ourselves to others we know as a gauge.

You first need to accept who you are. Accept your strengths and your weaknesses. So what if you're not funny or as clever as someone else. I bet you're more clever than a whole load of people.

Just be the best person you can be. You can be inspired by others to work towards the person you want to be - e.g. To be kinder. You don't need to change your personality or who you actually are.
Focus on yourself. Not others.

After thinking "I'm not" and "I'll never be", consciously tell yourself that you could be.
Some things are harder than others, but you mentioned about being kind - that is something anyone can do. So maybe focus on that to start with, make a point of thinking what you could do to be kind to someone else, even if it's just getting in the habit of making encouraging comments.

Think more about what you might be good at - looking after children?cooking? repairing things? explaining things, being organised.. there's a huge world out there, you must be at least competent at something. Maybe you are a great, reliable employee, maybe you are trustworthy. Maybe you are an appreciative audience of other people's talents - it's a small thing but often noticed by performer types.Is there anyone you know who can give you feedback? If you've had any work appraisals, they might list some positive things about you, or even old school reports, just to give you an idea.
Then think about what you would like to be good at, and work out a plan as to how you could start learning a new skill, and figure how how you can devote enough time to it so that you can practice.
There are a very few annoying people in this world who are good at everything they turn their hand to, but most of us have a few minor talents and are less good at other things - just because one person is, for example, funny and witty, it doesn't mean that they are good at everything ( or anything) else.
Somehow you need to be stricter with the internal voice that is currently finding you wanting, and tell it to stop. When you catch yourself comparing, consciously stop it.

I'm not really good at anything, I'm not good a crafts, baking, skiing or anything really.
I'm not funny or particularly intelligent but I am pretty good at being perfectly average.
I know I'm honest and hard-working and fair and thats good enough for me.

I think it comes with age that you become far more accepting as to who you are and care less about what you imagine other people see you as. I think you have to decide what are important principles to you, live by them and then the need to compare yourself against others seems far less important.

Aw no, I never get this comparing yourself to others attitude. As Dr Seuss said and I probably misquote lol but "there's nobody alive who's more youer than you."
Be you. You'll have redeeming attributes if you sit and think about it.
Do you care about others? Do random acts of kindness.
What hobbies do you like? Focus on them.
Comparing yourself to others is the way to unhappiness and not being satisfied in life.

I've always liked this quote:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
― Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of "A Course in Miracles"

Inigo if there was a like button on here I'd be pressing it.

Make an effort to catch yourself doing something well. Finishing a piece of work quickly and accurately, cooking a delicious meal, making the garden look beautiful, making somebody smile. Then, take a moment to think something positive to yourself "That was a job well done", "I make the nicest lasagne", "X likes spending time with me". Just the tiniest things that nobody else would necessarily take the time to give you a pat on the back about. The key bit is to enjoy the positive thought and then move on before you start with the "but I expect Y would have done a better job" or whatever. Just enjoy the little tiny moment. They gradually start to add up. Remember that changing the way you think will take time and practise, you can't fix an ingrained way of behaving overnight...but it will get easier with practise until it becomes natural.

I bet you are bad at accepting compliments too and probably barely register when someone says something nice to you (or if you do notice, you wonder about their ulterior motive).

I think your OP is very brave, it is hard facing and changing the things we don't like about ourselves .