to stop my daughter going to her year 6 disco

[user1498911470]

It's tonight, she has decided at the last minute to go but has been refusing to get her clothes ready when asked, is now refusing to help by putting away the ironing board and is generally being rude.

I'm so tempted to say that she can't go but on the other hand it's her last chance to go to a disco at primary school; she hasn't been to any of the others as she doesn't like discos so I was pretty surprised when she said she wanted to go.

I'd say she can go when the jobs are done. Then it's up to her if she misses any of it.

Can you go for an in-between route. "Well we can't go until the ironing board is away so I'm sitting with my tea until that happens." Natural consequences...

So you would rather have an extra stroppy emotional dd at home than a bit of peace??!
Dole out a last chance chore that needs to be done before she goes out.
I less for you and a some you time!!

Yes YABU. Sounds like it could be nerves or worry. Good on her for being brave enough to go. Support and help her op..

Maybe it's nerves and a bit of anxiety making her rude? My DD used to get like this at that age whenever she felt out of her comfort zone or anxioys.

Anxious even!

That last chance chore is putting the ironing board away after her disco clothes have been ironed. She's now reading and glaring at me.

I'd let her go. Sure, tell her that you'll be leaving as soon as the ironing board is put away if you want to - but I'd definitely let her go.

The end of primary school can be an emotional time so I'd be cutting her a bit of slack just now.

Make allowances for end of term tiredness, nerves about the disco and probably several emotions about leaving primary school. I think a lot of young people are a bit stroppy just now.

How are you setting up expectations about chores? Is it, "do it or else" or is it, "we all pitch in here, that's your share"? Because setting up confrontation rarely works well.

Nerves or worry?! That's a stretch. Sounds like a typical stroppy year 6 chore-dodging to me.

I would calmly ask her if she wants to go. If she says yes I would go for a 'lets all pitch in and get sorted' approach then take her. Giver her a way out that doesn't loose face such as 'ill put the ironing board away while you do x' She is days away from leaving her primary schools and it's a big deal for her. She probably has all sorts of thoughts and feelings that even she doesn't know why she is acting like she is.

The expectation about the chore is simply that I've ironed her clothes (once she eventually decided to bring them downstairs) and she was to put the iron and ironing board away while I finished my cup of tea.

As for general chores, it's normally arranged as an adult washes up and then a child/children will dry up - we do them together.

Is it really worth such a trauma over an ironing board? She's been through year 6 sats, end of term tiredness and probably worry about going to a new school. She wants to go to her first school disco but might jeopardise it over at ironing board?

Not worth the argument. Projecting here but I was nervous about discos at that age and was at the door about to leave when my otherwise timid sister started taking the piss. I stopped and ran upstairs crying. In my head this messed me up for socialising for years.
Don't screw it up over an ironing board.

'Maybe it's nerves and a bit of anxiety making her rude?'
This ^

Pick your moments and your battles. They all glare at that age

I was a real brat for my end of school party, I was so nervous and wanted everything perfect. If she doesn't usually go, that'll be it.

I'd say let it slide on this occasion if you usually stick to your guns.

she's going to go, I'm just generally fed up with her behaving like Kevin the Teenager so it was tempting to stop her going when the argument started with her refusing to get her disco clothes ready as I pointed out that she couldn't go if her clothes were still in the wardrobe. I've bitten my tongue but I'm not putting the ironing board away for her; she's going to do it as I'm not letting her get away without doing it after she's been rude.

Let her go, you have the entire summer holidays to argue about stupid shit.

Of course you are missing your year six disco is a lifelong regret that she will remember!

If she's that bothered about going she will put the ironing board away. If something is bothering her about the disco she might be glad of the excuse not to go. I'd leave the ball in her court.

"Let her go, you have the entire summer holidays to argue about stupid shit."

They're not arguing. Kids who behave like this without consequences turn into the adults you often read about on here.

Or support her if she's nervous.

You must pick your battles. Being a bit of a brat here doesn't mean she'll grow up to be a git.

OP you know her best of course, but in the limited info here I'd say your daughter doesnt want to go to the disco and is trying to engineer it so you say she can't. Does that sound plausible?