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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to stop my daughter going to her year 6 disco

223 replies

user1498911470 · 19/07/2017 16:36

It's tonight, she has decided at the last minute to go but has been refusing to get her clothes ready when asked, is now refusing to help by putting away the ironing board and is generally being rude.

I'm so tempted to say that she can't go but on the other hand it's her last chance to go to a disco at primary school; she hasn't been to any of the others as she doesn't like discos so I was pretty surprised when she said she wanted to go.

OP posts:
clarkl2 · 20/07/2017 17:31

She can go when you are happy that she has done what you have asked her to do.

MsHarry · 20/07/2017 17:35

I have 2 real teenagers, one close to 17. It gets a lot worse if you don't put the ground work in early on.start as you mean to go on. Avoid confrontation but if you have it, you must win.

lilypoppet · 20/07/2017 17:51

Let her go, or you will never forgive yourself

clarkl2 · 20/07/2017 18:03

I cant believe people are being so precious about a leavers disco..... absolute crap that its a rite of passage! If she goes she goes, if not its not a big deal unless you make it a big deal.

steppemum · 20/07/2017 18:05

sorry haven't read the whole thread.
I have 3 dc, one in year 9 and one in year 7 and really the end of year 6 was hard.
So many emotions flying round, so much melodrama.
Kids big fish in a pond they have outgrown.

It does settle down in year 7 and then there is a whole other set of problems

CosyLulu · 20/07/2017 18:07

MsHarry I totally disagree with you. Especially 'you must win.'

Far better to show our kids that we are understanding at stressful or important times that see it as an opportunity to assert authority.

Springprim · 20/07/2017 18:09

It sounds like she needs love & a hug rather than punishment over an ironing board. Choose your battles -this isn't one of them!

bbismad · 20/07/2017 18:09

I'd say... she can go when she has done what you've asked

abilockhart · 20/07/2017 18:22

Not every thing your child does has to have conditions and chores attached to it
Not every thing has to be a reward for being good.

Sometimes it's nice just to be nice to your kids.

I agree.

Your DD may be nervous and may have social anxiety. After all, she hasn't been to any of the other Year 6 discos and you did say she doesn't like discos and you were pretty surprised when she said she wanted to go.

This is one situation where I would make an exception.

MsHarry · 20/07/2017 18:28

Oh I am understanding cosylu but if I ask my child to do something(and it will only ever be something totally reasonable) I expect them to do it not show me contempt. If they do then they are choosing the consequences.

NC4now · 20/07/2017 18:30

Let her go. Now isn't the time to lock horns. It won't kill you or your authority over her to put the ironing board away this once.

Inertia · 20/07/2017 18:31

Can you not just delay it until the chores you've asked her to do are done?

ArchieStar · 20/07/2017 18:33

Agree completely with Jayne. If she's acting like that I'd assume she doesn't want to go and say so.

SeekEveryEveryKnownHidingPlace · 20/07/2017 18:33

Should've seen my dd before prom! I think if you understand and tolerate now, take her, and are nice, your chances of an apology later are much better.

cheval · 20/07/2017 18:35

Really wouldn't get into a battle over this. Take her up there, pack away ironing board. Tomorrow she will be all smiles and apologies. You have years ahead of this.

Jessiecat27 · 20/07/2017 18:36

Obviously this was yesterday but if she didn't go, don't panic.I don't even remember mine!

sassyannie · 20/07/2017 18:36

Take a step back, say you're settling in for the evening and pour a glass of wine....

SeekEveryEveryKnownHidingPlace · 20/07/2017 18:36

Sorry, I missed recent posts Blush. I still think it's one of those things better discussed later - I've learnt with dd2 that cracking on and leaving her to it is much more likely to lead to her sheepishly saying later she's sorry for being arsey. Responding in kind never works, for us at least.

Serialweightwatcher · 20/07/2017 18:36

Glad she went ... unfortunately I am that 'skivvy' because I have made myself one - I do put my foot down quite often but sometimes just need to let it go because a situation can turn into WW3 so quickly after a ridiculous stand off where it's like a competition and nobody will give in (so I do). Age plays a huge part in all this (on their side and ours sometimes), but I've always said it's very hard from having a baby who turned into a toddler, primary schooler and (eek) teenager and beyond, to know who you are dealing with from day to day - they change so quickly and I personally find it hard to keep up.

TWINS77 · 20/07/2017 18:49

Maybe she is just acting out because she's scared to go, you say she diesn't usually take part in this kind of thing so she might be sabotaging herself out of fear?

UnaPalomaBlanca · 20/07/2017 19:17

Poor kid. Just let her go. If it's the first time she has felt able to go, she is probably feeling anxious and thus a bit snippy.

everythingissoblinkinrosie · 20/07/2017 19:52

What about the ironing board? Will somebody think of the ironing board.

Sorry, op, but it all felt a bit mountain and molehill.

Holly12345 · 20/07/2017 20:22

This reply has been deleted

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Edgymum · 20/07/2017 20:23

Nine year old girls can be coaxed into tidying up after themselves. Please tell me this statement is true and how.

MyPatronusIsAUnicorn · 20/07/2017 20:27

Pretty sure that as this was last night and the OP has been back to say she did go, that this has been resolved now.

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