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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to stop my daughter going to her year 6 disco

223 replies

user1498911470 · 19/07/2017 16:36

It's tonight, she has decided at the last minute to go but has been refusing to get her clothes ready when asked, is now refusing to help by putting away the ironing board and is generally being rude.

I'm so tempted to say that she can't go but on the other hand it's her last chance to go to a disco at primary school; she hasn't been to any of the others as she doesn't like discos so I was pretty surprised when she said she wanted to go.

OP posts:
flupi · 20/07/2017 20:43

CHORES?!!! I know I'm late into this thread, and I'm sorry I've not read every post but a child's 'job' is to go to school and learn. It's hard hard work on many levels- social and academic- so can't you just cut them a bit of slack at home? I can't believe you would even contemplate preventing her from going to the end of term do as its obviously a huge deal for her and she's being brave and out of her comfort zone saying she wanted to go. ( I know she went in the end....)

maygirl27 · 20/07/2017 21:04

As mentioned before, it is a very difficult and emotional time. Your daughter sounds as if she is anxious about leaving her old friends and familiarity of her old school and going into the unknown. I think that it would be fair to let her go if she wants to and to be supportive of her at this difficult time. That said, there have to be consequences for behaviour - so perhaps insisting that she finishes all the chores before going, and letting her know that you're there for her, but won't tolerate rudeness.
Good luck to both you and your daughter.

LoobysMummy14 · 20/07/2017 21:22

This is why I don't have an iron or ironing board saves the hassle over who puts it away Grin 😂😂

That and the fact we have no room in our tiny little flat for one and I cba with ironing Grin

mumto2two · 20/07/2017 21:30

Teenage Kevin phase started round about end of year 6 with mine..fully morphed by about 15...and had thankfully passed about one year later. This glaring obnoxious behaviour will all pass...in the meantime you've just got to know when to pick your battles Smile

Jg1 · 20/07/2017 21:33

Did the ironing board get put away?? If so, by whom???

My son is almost 20 now but I remember his yr6 leavers prom vividly because he said at first (when the letter came home and payment was requested) that he wanted to go.
Monies paid.
When it came time to think about buying his outfit he was adament he did not want to go (he was a bit shy).
After much coaxing by me (all his friends were going. He'd have a fab time etc...) he still insisted he didn't want to go.
Fair enough. His choice.
2 days before the prom he said he did actually want to go!
He was larger than average size for his age then so I couldn't just pop to the next big town for a childs suit. Had to drive around all the outlet villages to get him something that fitted without needing to be altered (as there wasn't enough time). Ended up spending an absolute fortune in Moss Bros.
He went to the prom, had a brilliant time and we still laugh about the fecking stressful shopping trip to this day.
Was I a mug to do this? Maybe.
Did I mind doing this? At the time yes because of the money but I also wanted him to enjoy his last 'do' with all his great mates at primary.
Would I have said "well you can't go if you don't put the ironing board away? No because I wouldn't have made that stipulation. I'd have been (and was) pleased as punch that he wanted to do something he wasn't comfortable with.
Not to say OP was wrong, just my boy wouldn't have had the cheek to strop about such a simple thing asked of him.

Holly12345 · 20/07/2017 21:45

Putting an ironing board away isnt slave fucking labour i cant believe people are sticking up for rudeness!! And speaking to the mother like shes the child whhhaaat?? People really do amaze me , pick your battles???....no you will do as you are told and stop being bloody rude or you dont get what you want, thats a life lesson that never bloody changes no matter how old you are! All these mothers need to get a grip and a backbone if its not much to ask , why cant she just do it? Why should her mother just do it and let her go? If she wanted to go that much she would have done it.

EastMidsMummy · 20/07/2017 22:07

"We're not going until you put the ironing board away" isn't a punishment, as some people are saying. This feels like good parenting to me. It doesn't even sound like a battle if you're the adult and hold your ground. Sounds like you handled the situation well.

Daphne22 · 20/07/2017 22:24

Bloody stupid isn't it!

SherbrookeFosterer · 20/07/2017 22:28

She sounds anxious about going, hence the last minute decision.

Maybe let things go for now and tomorrow have a quiet chat with her about it all.

ChasingHighs · 20/07/2017 22:31

I don't do as I'm told as an adult,do you? I can leave the ironing board up and go out.

What life lesson has she learnt exactly?

Daphne22 · 20/07/2017 22:34

Kids are kids and as children my boys were bone idle. Now they have families of their own they are good providers and good hands on Dads. Let children be children they will have enough work to do as soon as they leave school until they retire at nearly 70, let them be kids, it doesn't last long considering the length of time they will have to work!

Candide · 20/07/2017 22:41

FFS.

Dianag111 · 20/07/2017 23:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

faithinthesound · 20/07/2017 23:12

My mother always had a saying. "You do what I want, and then I'll do what you want." It really instilled a sense of equity in me, in the sense that I don't expect people to just do for me without doing something for them in return.

In this instance the OP has not once said to the child that she can't go. She's said, "you do what I want (put away the ironing board, which was only out to iron the child's clothes, so in effect was something the child wanted) and then I will do what you want (take you to the disco).

The ball is now in the child's court. But why should the mother "cut her slack"? This is not a two year old who doesn't understand bargaining and give-and-take. This is an eleven year old who is trying it on.

For everyone saying, "oh, she's a bit emotional because end of school", she'll have end of high school and God willing, end of university to feel this way again. Is the OP supposed to play punching bag for her again then?

For everyone saying, "oh, she's a bit tired because end of term and tests", I say welcome to the real world. This is not the last time she is going to feel tired and overwhelmed with work. I can sympathize with the feelings, I am a university student myself. However, being tired has never given me a free pass to treat my mother like a skivvy, because she wouldn't stand for it. Neither should the OP stand for it.

faithinthesound · 20/07/2017 23:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Purplealienpuke · 21/07/2017 07:31

Goes to show how differently we do things!
Personally regardless of last disco of primary or not, rudeness and defiance would stop a kid in my house going!
Do parents not teach their kids to iron their own clothes anymore???? I had to & my dd had to at that age if it was something not in the pile I'd done already!
Kids need to be responsible for their actions and actions have consequences at that age. (I'm not a namby pamby parent or grandparent!!!)

Holly12345 · 21/07/2017 10:24

Jesus what a bunch of sap head mothers im sure im not the only one to have sworn on this thread do t cry about it

Holly12345 · 21/07/2017 10:28

Oh so when ur at work u do what u want then?? u idiot u all take literally , shes learning that you respect whats asked of you by YOUR MOTHER u obviously struggle with learning so dont worry about it

User843022 · 21/07/2017 10:34

'Jesus what a bunch of sap head mothers'
Calm down holly its nothing to get your nickers in such a twist about Grin.

Fwiw I'm not the 'sap head' of a mother who started a thread about a very normal stand off between a dm and a dc. Either make them do it or let it go, its hardly worth a huge debate is it? maybe the 'sap heads' are actually the chilled parents? I know my dc do what they're told without me having to ask a chat forum about it.

manicmij · 21/07/2017 11:04

Give her an alternative chore, quite menial though. Seems as if she is a bit wound up about the disco seeing she hasn't attended before and isn't keen on them anyway. Perhaps feels obliged to go as the last one. Give her an opportunity to back out too.

AyUpMiDuck · 21/07/2017 16:13

She has a few minor tasks and then she can go- thats the deal.

Good consistent parenting. Yes she's anxious, yes you want her to go, but there's always a reason why kids think they should get out of chores "I'll be late for school" "I'm revising" (after net-surfing for 3 hours) and many more. Is there something wrong with having boundaries, and understanding that chores are not negotiable, non-postpone-able, and, certainly not optional.? Do we want to raise a generation of entitled young people who think we are here to serve them?

YANBU OP

WeatherwaxOrOgg · 22/07/2017 19:15

I don't do as I'm told as an adult,do you? I can leave the ironing board up and go out.

What life lesson has she learnt exactly?

That you can't be a rude attitudey cow to your mother and get away with it.

MsHarry · 23/07/2017 10:06

Absolutely Ayupmiduck I couldn't agree more.

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