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AIBU?

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Original poster

to stop my daughter going to her year 6 disco

223 replies

user1498911470 · 19/07/2017 16:36

It's tonight, she has decided at the last minute to go but has been refusing to get her clothes ready when asked, is now refusing to help by putting away the ironing board and is generally being rude.

I'm so tempted to say that she can't go but on the other hand it's her last chance to go to a disco at primary school; she hasn't been to any of the others as she doesn't like discos so I was pretty surprised when she said she wanted to go.

OP posts:
keeplooking · 19/07/2017 20:15

I'm with you about the ironing board. It's one little thing she could easily do

Actually, if it's anything like my ironing board, it's a bugger to put away - refuses to fold up, then collapses all of a sudden, and really quite heavy to cart about. Maybe op's dd has had a previous bad experience with it!

BurberryBlue · 19/07/2017 20:15

For heavens sake just let her go.One must endure the occasional moodiness as preparation for the inevitable teenage strops.

everythingissoblinkinrosie · 19/07/2017 20:19

Our ironing board is a nightmare to wrangle too. I wouldn't let my dd near it.

ChasingHighs · 19/07/2017 20:21

Even I'm scared of my ironing board.Not to mention the cupboard of doom it lives in.

everythingissoblinkinrosie · 19/07/2017 20:28

We have a cupboard of doom too. Maybe I would be a better parent if I didn't have one.

JayneAusten · 19/07/2017 20:34

Gimme a break! Does dd now need to do her own ironing for mothers fear that she is being treated like a skivvy. Feminism gone mad.

Expecting members of a family who are perfect capable to do small tasks to help out in the home that they all live in, especially when it is part of preparing for an evening out that they want to go to, is not 'feminism gone mad' FFS. It's normal co-existing human behaviour.

I bet the 'Oh you're all so mean, just let her go to this pivotal occasion, she'll be horrible for the whole holidays not to mention the teenage years anyway' brigade are the same ones who then moan that their teens are a nightmare and don't respect them.

ChasingHighs · 19/07/2017 20:39

My teens were not a nightmare and they did respect me. They still do now as adults.

IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday · 19/07/2017 20:44

OP I highly suspect your DD's silly behaviour is not about an ironing board

You said she decided to "go at the last minute"

Well why wasn't she going all along? Were her friends going?

I expect something is going on at school, she is upset about it all and instead of articulating this she is taking it out on you.

Instead of threatening her, ASK HER WHAT IS WRONG!

I say this as someone with 2 dds who are now past their teens thank the lord. Teenagers are rarely nasty individuals. They are more likely to be confused and upset when they act out and it's your job as a parent to try to find out what the heck is wrong.

Starlight2345 · 19/07/2017 20:46

I hope she went..

If a child of mine had not gone to any disco's and wanted to I would treat it as something special..

Help her pick her clothes, iron her clothes willingly. Not as a tit for tat.

If you hate the kevin attitude you have a few more years to go

Gracefulgiraffe · 19/07/2017 20:47

JayneAusten.
You obviously didn't read the post basically calling me a skivvy for doing my parental duties. Nothing kind about doing the ironing, what would have been kind would have been to put the ironing board away herself and not make such a big deal. Btw my two teenagers do chores, give me respect and are far from being a nightmare, even with the occasional let off from chores from me. Feminism gone mad is about mothers who think that their basic duties make them some kind of skivvy.

User843022 · 19/07/2017 20:50

'I bet the 'Oh you're all so mean, just let her go to this pivotal occasion, she'll be horrible for the whole holidays not to mention the teenage years anyway' brigade'

Grin

'Brigade'? A!ways amuses me when posters resort to 'brigade' in an attempt to mock people. My teens are always very respectful and do their jobs without any hassle. If I had a stroppy dc I certainly wouldnt be scrapping over the ironing board while they were getting ready for their first ever disco

TheFairyCaravan · 19/07/2017 20:53

I could never imagine having a row with my kids over an ironing board. Never, ever would i have said they had to put the bloody thing away before they could have gone any where, not least their Year 6 disco.

It costs nothing to be nice to your kids. Mine are, also, adults who are polite and respectful. You reap what you sow imo.

IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday · 19/07/2017 21:21

If a child of mine had not gone to any disco's and wanted to I would treat it as something special..

Me too.

GinaFordCortina · 19/07/2017 21:30

Feminism gone mad

HmmGrin

Sure it is.

MyOtherProfile · 19/07/2017 21:37

Expecting members of a family who are perfect capable to do small tasks to help out in the home that they all live in, especially when it is part of preparing for an evening out that they want to go to, is not 'feminism gone mad' FFS. It's normal co-existing human behaviour.
This. With bells on.

MommaGee · 19/07/2017 21:38

OP did she go?

CorbynsBumFlannel · 19/07/2017 21:39

Only on mn would a mother be made out as some kind of slave driver for expecting their 11 year to do a 30 second job. And if they refuse it is then the mother who.isn't letting them go to their disco. No argument is necessary - if the child wants to go she knows what to do - if she doesn't she knows what to do. Failing to give kids boundaries isn't being kind to them.

ChasingHighs · 19/07/2017 21:42

Being petty over a bloody ironing board isn't being kind to them either.

bangingmyheadoffabrickwall · 19/07/2017 21:44

I didn't let my 5 year old DS go to his disco for being rude (long story). He was warned about it - TWICE! I had to follow through. He's never missed another one and he's had 4 since then! He knows that when I give a consequence for continuing bad behaviour, I will follow through.

Children need to learn consequences. At 11, she's at an age when she knows battle of the wills WILL win her, her battle when giving in to stroppy demands. Last disco or not, it will teach her NOT to disobey and that what comes out of a parent's mouth IS meant.

I understand when people say 'pick your battles' but it will only make battles harder in future by teaching them that arguing with parents is a winner for them. They'll just push your buttons even more!

ChasingHighs · 19/07/2017 21:48

There comes a point when saying 'because I said so' doesn't really work.

You cannot parent like that and never aspect conflict.

ChasingHighs · 19/07/2017 21:48

Expect*

CorbynsBumFlannel · 19/07/2017 21:50

It's not being petty. It's being a parent. If I ask my kid to do a job they need to do it. Not just if they feel like it. Would you accept them being so disobedient at school?

Starlight2345 · 19/07/2017 21:52

bangingmyhead

I have stopped my DS doing things due to behaviour...THe big one for me in this one is she has never wanted to go before..None of us Know OP DD why she didn't want to go whether anxiety/ she just hates disco's /crowds / friendship issues or another million reasons.

Her change in wanting to go at the last minute is the pivitol thing for me.

The other thing I have learnt as a parent is be careful what you threaten..If my DC had never wanted to go before and suddenly did I would be encouraging not saying if you don't do this or that then you won't go.. Thats the bit that seems wrong.

Summerswallow · 19/07/2017 21:55

Parenting a 5 year old is not parenting an 11 year old girl who is probably in puberty. Sorry, but all your 'she will NOT disobey' crap will just escalate everything, and much as you can always win, as you always have the money, the power, the car, the whatever, you will not get the type of close relationship where your children open up and talk to you about their troubles if you are constantly asserting that power in trivial situations when they seem a bit stressed/nervous.

I know 100% that if I cut one of mine a bit of slack in that situation, they'd come back, happy after their first ever disco, and immediately say sorry, give me a massive hug and put the ironing board away. I also know the next 10 times they used it they would put it away immediately. Teens don't need the constant assertion of your parental authority to make good choices and if you get up in their faces when they are trying to sort out how they feel/make decisions/make good choices, you just back them into corners.

If my child ran off to their first ever school disco shouting 'I'll put the ironing board away later mum' looking happy and excited, I'd be happy myself. It's really that simple (and I would trust them to do it as well).

DixieNormas · 19/07/2017 21:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.