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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to stop my daughter going to her year 6 disco

223 replies

user1498911470 · 19/07/2017 16:36

It's tonight, she has decided at the last minute to go but has been refusing to get her clothes ready when asked, is now refusing to help by putting away the ironing board and is generally being rude.

I'm so tempted to say that she can't go but on the other hand it's her last chance to go to a disco at primary school; she hasn't been to any of the others as she doesn't like discos so I was pretty surprised when she said she wanted to go.

OP posts:
Gracefulgiraffe · 19/07/2017 17:39

Give her a break let her go. This is not a battle worth taking on.

ChasingHighs · 19/07/2017 17:39

Maybe shes nervous and is not quite sure if she want's to go? Parenting is about understanding why a child is behaving badly, not just coming down on them like a ton of bricks for every sodding 'bad' thing they do.

Gracefulgiraffe · 19/07/2017 17:41

I don't think she mentioned prom at all. It's a disco.

MsHarry · 19/07/2017 17:42

If she wants to go she'll put the ironing board away. Hold your nerve. She can be a bit late. The ball is in her court. Beware of setting a precedent by giving in, you have many teen years ahead!

Adamadamant · 19/07/2017 17:42

There's a huge amount of emotions running around for your child and will manifest itself in different ways. When one of my sons left Yr 6 he was hugely stroppy for a few days the dissolved into tears over a minor comment I made.

HarrietKettleWasHere · 19/07/2017 17:42

God it's a 3 second job, at 11 if there's an issue I'm sure she can find another way to convey that instead of manifestering it in not putting away a bloody ironing board and glaring at her mum.

ChasingHighs · 19/07/2017 17:44

Having a stand off about an ironing board is not a battle I would have fought. I'd be helping her get ready.

MsHarry · 19/07/2017 17:44

I agree they get stroppy but that doesn't mean you shouldn't address it. I would say " I understand you're a bit stressed and I will help you get ready, just help me out by putting the things away as I've asked and then we'll start." Perfectly reasonable.

Baalam · 19/07/2017 17:45

Let her go, you have the entire summer holidays to argue about stupid shit.

This

HarrietKettleWasHere · 19/07/2017 17:45

She's 11, not 4, what sort of help might she need getting ready aparty from having clean clothes ready to go and an idea of how long she's got until she has to leave?

TheDevilMadeMeDoIt · 19/07/2017 17:46

OP you said you were fed up of her behaving like Kevin the Teenager. Is this attitude of hers only related to the disco, or is it just one in a long line of strops and rudeness?

If it's a one off, I'd let her go. I'd put the ironing board away and then positively kill her with so much kindness and understanding that she wished she'd put the damn thing away herself

If it's part of a pattern - I'm less sure. Behaviours have to have consequences, and she's already been stroppy tonight.

ChasingHighs · 19/07/2017 17:48

I dunno, I'd help her with her hair, you know. be nice. Help her choose what clothes she wants to wear.

Iloveanimals · 19/07/2017 17:48

You've done something nice for her (ironed her clothes) you teach her you can't just take in life as well. Life is about giving too. If she puts the board away she can go to the disco. It's defiance not to and a bad attitude. Nip it in the bud before she decides she doesn't want to do all the other things in life. It's a life lesson that must be taught. You aren't stopping her going to the disco, she is.

HackAttack · 19/07/2017 17:50

Ms harry, exactly, recognise the emotions, offer support but expect good behavior, really not the hardest task ever

ptumbi · 19/07/2017 17:51

FFS it does NOT HURT kids to learn that everyone has chores to do and if they don't do them, other nicer things might not happen.

All this handwringing, and 'oh it's the last one, it's tiredness, it's stress after SATs, it's hormones, it's emotions...' ALL these things need to be learned, and she needs to learn how to deal with. It will not hurt her, in fact it might even help you a few weeks/years down the line to learn these things now.

Stand your ground.

ChasingHighs · 19/07/2017 17:52

Posters on here will tell you they wouldn't let her go. They are talking bollocks. They would,

It's so easy to be the strict parent on the internet. A bit different in RL.

HarrietKettleWasHere · 19/07/2017 17:55

Of course she can go- if she stops putting a strop on, glaring at her mum, and does what she's been asked. That's not particularly strict parenting, that's being entirely fair and reasonable.

everythingissoblinkinrosie · 19/07/2017 17:59

Do you have a handy cupboard you could lock her in? Some posters on here really must have military discipline at all times.

JayneAusten · 19/07/2017 18:01

Posters on here will tell you they wouldn't let her go. They are talking bollocks. They would.

Yeah I would. When they did the tiny job that was part of ME helping THEM to get ready. Otherwise, definitely not. It's not strict parenting it's common sense - and it's why my children are generally very nice, thoughtful young people. I'm definitely not sending them out into the world thinking that the woman of the house gets to be treated like shit and will still run around after them whilst they do whatever they feel like. It's not kind to them in the long run to have other people they encounter thinking that they are an asshole.

Do you really think it's 'strict' to expect common courtesy from your children?

OlennasWimple · 19/07/2017 18:01

Have you asked her if there's a reason why she is reluctant to get ready to go?

ptumbi · 19/07/2017 18:03

ChasingHighs - pleas e don't tell me that I would let her go. I totally wouldn't, until my conditions were met.

I've done something nice (ironed her clothes - which she asked for) - she does something I have asked her to do. (Put ironing board away, other wise I;d have that to do as well, for something that solely benefits her)

I may be strict, but my kids do not take the piss.

Elmum11 · 19/07/2017 18:03

I wouldn't let her go, at her age she can understand that there are consequences to her actions. She is capable of expressing herself without being rude!

everythingissoblinkinrosie · 19/07/2017 18:03

Not "the woman of the house". Mum.
And id I wasn't around, the man of the house would cut her some slack too. He's called Dad.

JayneAusten · 19/07/2017 18:03

Hahaha @ 'military discipline' and 'ton of bricks'. You realise not letting your children away with being rude and treating you like a servant with natural consequences to their actions is not the same as the above phrases?! Noone is suggesting locking them in anything, just letting them know that in the real world there are a few things that need to be done before they get the evening handed to them on a plate with ironed clothes and lifts to discos.

Honestly, once again I can totally see why so many kids are the way they are. You're not doing them any favours.

RadioGaGoo · 19/07/2017 18:05

Lol, certain people need to lighten up! She's only been asked to put an ironing board away before a school disco. It's a bit drama queen to consider a school disco an 'emotionally tricky time', especially as the child was not even bothered about going until the last minute.

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