to stop my daughter going to her year 6 disco

[user1498911470]

It's tonight, she has decided at the last minute to go but has been refusing to get her clothes ready when asked, is now refusing to help by putting away the ironing board and is generally being rude.

I'm so tempted to say that she can't go but on the other hand it's her last chance to go to a disco at primary school; she hasn't been to any of the others as she doesn't like discos so I was pretty surprised when she said she wanted to go.

Curious how many posters see this as Just another Disco. And aren't querying why the op's dd hasn't been up for going to school disco s before.

Maybe you need to talk to your children more.

I grew up in the 70s with parents who grew up/fought in WW II. They were pretty strict with me and old fashioned generally and even they would have sussed out this wasn't about a bloody ironing board.

gracefulgiraffe a pp called it her primary school prom. Just ridiculous.

OP did she go?

'You've done something nice for her ' No you haven't you've just done your job as a mother, this isn't being nice it's your job.

Why are people so keen to say that the op is stopping her dd from going to the disco? She is more than happy to take her after she has done a 3 second job. If not doing it is more important to her than the disco that's her problem. Not going would not be her mum's responsibility.
Since when are parents not able to give 11 yr olds small jobs to do in case they are too emotionally fragile to fold an ironing board so close to the end of the school year? Absolutely ridiculous.

You're not a friend you're her mum. Who recognises that she has a bit of social anxiety and needs steering to a social event not getting bollocked for being a bit grumpy.

At the primary school that I work in, we have a beaver policy which states that after children receive 3 red cards for bad behaviour during one week, a letter will be sent home to parents. You would not believe the amount of parents we have in to complain that their child is just tired, stressed etc and shouldn't be disciplined in that case. I'm wondering how many of you would do the same.

My dd has never had a report for bad behaviour at school but if she had a letter from school about it in the manner you describe I would back the school, not make excuses.
But I still think the op picked the wrong time for a battle.

*Behaviour policy! Would love a beaver policy

A beaver policy?

Did she actually go yet?

They are probably still at home both glaring at the ironing board.

My daughter's year 6 disco really was "just another disco". The big leavers' event was a show. So some of us are answering a different question than others.
For me:
Big leavers' event = I'd overlook bad behaviour and put it down to nerves
Just another end of term disco = she puts away the ironing board ... because I said so.

'You've done something nice for her ' No you haven't you've just done your job as a mother, this isn't being nice it's your job.

The two things are not mutually exclusive you know. When your kid decides at the last minute to go to a disco, reminding her about clothes, ironing her clothes and turning out to take her (and presumably pick her up) is very nice. It's putting yourself second to another person's whim and there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with the other person being expected to be nice, respectful and polite in return. Or should they be allowed to strop and glare while mum does 'her job' running around after them.

You really don't do your kids any favours by not expecting them to show a normal level of respect and courtesy.

You've done something nice for her ' No you haven't you've just done your job as a mother, this isn't being nice it's your job

Is skivvy in your job description? Strange. Not in mine.

It is a big thing the year 6 disco, It's quite a scary time leaving your primary school.

Well, my kids needed quite a lot of support to get their heads round it.

You do your kids more favours by cutting them a bit of slack sometimes. Not everything has to be a battle that you win..

Don't you ever do anything nice for your kids just because?

"Is skivvy in your job description? Strange. Not in mine."

Now who's projecting?

Don't you ever do anything nice for your kids just because?

Yep, loads. Loads and loads. I just don't consider letting pre-teens away with rudeness and laziness to be 'nice'. It's not kind at all actually.

In what sense Chasing Heights? I am sure everyone on here does nice things for their children just because.

I think there is a lot of projecting on here....

In the sense that I wouldn't have caused the friction in the first place. I'd happily have helped my 11 year old choose her clothes and get ready for the leavers disco without demanding she put the ironing board away.

'Of course children need reprimanding, of course they need structure and consequences. But honestly, if you start having to deprive your children of key events like the Leaver's Disco or their own birthday party, then you are not succeeding in general, really you are not.'

Exactly.

Doing the ironing for an 11 year old isn't being a skivvy. It is part of her job as a mother or father.

Fair enough as your approach to the situation.

Gimme a break! Does dd now need to do her own ironing for mothers fear that she is being treated like a skivvy. Feminism gone mad. Talk about kids being precious these days what about the mothers that think their parenting duties make them a skivvy.