Hugging

[Unokiddo]

One of my best pals and her son came to visit - our sons are good friends too. Before I start I want to say how much I care for both these people but is something I'm uncomfortable with for a couple of reasons. When leaving she tells her son to hug people goodbye. Firstly I don't think you should tell a child to hug someone. By all means ask if they'd like to but don't tell them. I'm a big believer in body autonomy for children. Secondly - he is nearly 10. I think by this age a child should actually just be deciding by himself if he want to without it even being mentioned. A spontaneous hug from a kid at any age is a glorious thing!
But you know, I'd be happy with him just saying thanks for having us over!

I don't know if I should mention it...

I'm with you on this. My family do a thing of giving "kisses" - it's awful to see a child forced into physical contact they dont want. Even with my own son I never demand kisses; when he decides (quite randomly) to give me a kiss it's the best feeling as I know he has chosen to do so. If he is asked for a kiss he tips his head forwards and you get to kiss his forehead.

I watched a YouTube video which brilliantly explained body autonomy for children but I cant find the video now. It basically said empowering our children to have autonomy over their body is desirable because a) it's their body for a start and b) the majority of child abuse is perpetrated by someone known to the child. By removing their autonomy over their body you could inadvertently open the door to abuse.

YANBU, I don't want to hug people and no one can force me, same goes for my children.