What do you reckon?

[PandaFalls]

How often should a man of 25 with a DD (1yo) of his own do something with his DS who is 9yo who lives 75 miles away?

DS as in younger sister not son

My cousin had this age gap with his younger brother. At 25 he was in Afghanistan with the Army whilst his brother was in primary school.

I don't think a 25 year old has any obligation to entertain a 9 year old sibling. It would be nice, but if he's 75 miles away it's obviously not going to be a close relationship.

Err... how long is a piece of string?
As often as they both want to, I'd say.

Equally, you could ask what effort the 9 year old is making in her role as auntie to her elder brother's child.

The age gap is nobody's fault but it just makes their relationship less conventional. More conventional roles/responsibilities do not apply.

Friend on how much they both want to. Christmas and birthday if they are not close, every month Or two, plus Skype/ face time if they are.

However much he wants to I suppose. He should be under no obligation to spend time with her in my opinion, especially if he has a child of his own.

However much they both want to

Are you pissed off that he doesn't see her or that he spends too much time with her at the expense of you and your child?

I wouldn't expect that he would see her much at all, really. She's not his child. It would be nice for him to see her often, if she lived close by. But she doesn't. Totally different if she was his child. But she isn't.

I have a similar age difference with my younger sister (I left home when she was 7). I saw her only when I saw my parents (approximately four times a year) until she was a teenager, after then she'd come and stay with me a couple of times a year.

Thanks! He doesn't see her often as he's always busy. MIL has been rather nasty about it all as he doesn't go to her gym shows or take her places. I think she's BU with her expectations.

My DB is 27 years older than me.
He had his eldest son the same year as my mum had me so my nephew's (and subsequent siblings) have always been more like cousins to me and our children are close too.
DB and his family lived the other end of the country and very busy with his kids/job etc. so we only had a 'proper' relationship when I grew up.
In your situation, depending on geography, the dad meeting up every month with his DSIS and taking his child sounds ok. Perhaps DSIS could come for a regular sleepover with him and family so to foster a close relationship with her niece?

Is MIL single? Does she want her adult son to be a pseudo dad to his kid sister?

MIL has been rather nasty about it all as he doesn't go to her gym shows or take her places
I can't imagine a brother closer in age living nearer to / at home attending gym shows to be honest! Aren't they only required-viewing for parents. I'd say as often as it suits them both - he has a life & responsibilities, so it's more of a "would be nice" than a "should".