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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not care that my son failed all his SATs

145 replies

Anotherdayanotherusername · 08/07/2017 07:59

Year 6. Not exactly a shock, we were told by school that he probably wouldn't pass - he's very dyslexic & probably has the maths one too.

However, we know he is far from stupid as well as being sporty & creative and that these results will not affect him in high school or life actually. He's gutted though.

AIBU to think these tests are a massive waste of time & to wish the school could've spent year 6 teaching them instead of doing endless mock tests Angry

He attends a high achieving school so is just one of a handful that "failed" and I can't help but be irritated by all the fb posts from other school mums chuffed to bits that their kids passed. His best friend is getting a hamster for passing Hmm

OP posts:
Saiman · 08/07/2017 08:06

Well you might not care but he does. Who really enjoys failing? So i eould be concentrating on helping him feel better.

I agree that sats are annoying and dd would have probavly learnt more being at home for a year.

Its not the other mums fault he failed. I hate fb bragging, but thats my issue. If other people want to post that they are proud thats up to them.

I am dyslexic. Its really difficult to accept it will always be so much harder for you than others. I would praise his effort and try and help him see the value in that.

I would also suggest trying to work with his secondary alot. While SATs are important, its only a few years before his exams are important.

Saiman · 08/07/2017 08:06

Sorry while SATS arent that important

MrGrumpy01 · 08/07/2017 08:06

No yanbu. Your son did his best and that is all can be asked. He did his best when he finds learning so difficult.

I agree though that it is a shame that yr 6 is blighted by practice papers and pressure.

I haven't put anything on fb mainly because no one else really needs to know and no hamsters either

SureIusedtobetaller · 08/07/2017 08:08

You are completely right and he will also benefit from his supportive parents!
The tests are ridiculously hard (losing a mark because a comma is facing the wrong way or a semi colon is placed too high) and apparently the markers had a mark scheme that was kept secret- so the teachers were not informed of some of the ways of "losing" marks.

Pengggwn · 08/07/2017 08:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

waffilyversati1e · 08/07/2017 08:10

We haven't had my daughters results yet but YANBU, there are more important things - bloody loads of them.

You seem like you have a good handle on this tbh, I get why he is upset though.

MrGrumpy01 · 08/07/2017 08:11

Who really enjoys failing?

And that is what is so wrong with this new system. They haven't really failed. But it is so stark now and the wording so black and white. It is there right in front of them that they haven't achieved. That is not a good message to be sending to 11 yr Olds.

Original poster
Anotherdayanotherusername · 08/07/2017 08:11

Of course I care that he cares! We've tried hard to impress on him that it really doesn't matter and his talents lie elsewhere. It just makes me cross that so much pressure is put on ones so young and that an 11 year old could be made to feel a failure Angry

OP posts:
ThroughThickAndThin01 · 08/07/2017 08:13

Yanbu on one hand. They aren't umpires get in the greater scheme of things. Although exams obviously do become important, depending on what he wants to do as an adult.

Yabu in belittling people who do think it's important to them.

cafenoirbiscuit · 08/07/2017 08:14

So long as he's well-rounded, that's all that matters. I speak as a parent of 2 dyslexic kids - they did get c's at. GCSEs with a huge amount of effort, and are on their way to study ptactical creative things now, which they do have a real talent for.

I did lol about someone getting a hamster for passing. Don't know why - it just amused me.

Carry on believing in your DS. There's room for us all in this world.

Pengggwn · 08/07/2017 08:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Everytimeref · 08/07/2017 08:15

He won't have "failed" but will be below age expectation.

ginnystonic · 08/07/2017 08:18

Why didn't you withdraw him from the SATS, and not allow him to take them, if you felt that strongly?

JamesBlonde1 · 08/07/2017 08:20

You may disregard the tests, and you could be right, but I hope that's not the attitude when it comes to GCSE's. Hopefully he will do well then.

I agree with the OP who said he won't enjoy having failed. Whether you like SATS or not they are a test and he has failed. You need to make sure his senior school is bloody good enough to plug the gaps with his special needs so this doesn't happen again.

Something has pushed your button to post on here, so you probably do care.

DonaldStott · 08/07/2017 08:22

They really are a load of bollocks. Unnecessary bollocks. They aren't passed up to high school to determine sets. They are purely for the primary school. It's awful to put kids under that amount of pressure.

AnUtterIdiot · 08/07/2017 08:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Notonthestairs · 08/07/2017 08:24

Don't go on FB! Delete for the next week.

YANBU but neither are they for celebrating. I'd celebrate if my DS passes not because I care about SATS but because I'd know what a blow it would be to his confidence not to pass.

I've got a DD with complex SEN so we've had to adjust our expectations and we celebrate lots of other successes so I get where you are coming from.
What support is your child getting and how will they manage his needs at secondary- this is what is important now.

user1497480444 · 08/07/2017 08:28

What reward have you given him for trying his best?

I've always done that, if my DC have worked hard towards an exam, the reward comes before the results.

For every exam up to A levels, I have done that. Some results have been good, some less so, but if they have worked hard, it is the hard work I reward.

bigbuttons · 08/07/2017 08:28

The tests are absolute shit and a huge waste of time. DD took them this year, we haven't ad the results yet, she too is dyslexic and discalculic and I fully expect her to 'fail'.

Eolian · 08/07/2017 08:32

YANBU to think they aren't really important to the induvidual child's future. YABU to be angry with other people for being pleased that their children have done well. If your child had done unexpectedly well in the SATS, can you honestly say that you wouldn't have been delighted and full of praise for him? A piece of homework or a normal test in class isn't important in the grand scheme of things either, but that doesn't mean it's not an achievement to have done well in it.

Toffeelatteplease · 08/07/2017 08:33

In your position I'd be worried my children wasn't getting the right specialist support to enable him to succeed.

You do realise if you prove your child needs it the LEA will pay for private dyslexia specialist schools.

I'd be looking at getting ed psych in to help and applying for a EHCplans myself.

Ds will fail sats regardless of the extensive support given to him. In which case fuck the sats but if the child is inadequatelying supported I'd beware about being flippant

2014newme · 08/07/2017 08:35

Agree the tests are useless but as his parent I'd ve concerned about his ability to pass any gcses and I'd be addressing support needed for him to meet the minimum academic requirements at school in order to get some qualifications for his14 years in education!

mygorgeousmilo · 08/07/2017 08:35

What SEN support does he receive? If none, then his outstanding school is failing him massively.

Caprianna · 08/07/2017 08:36

My DS is in year 6 and did SATS this year and neither of us spent a minute thinking about it nor do we know his results. We haven't been given anything from the school. I haven't seen any posts on fb either.

BarbarianMum · 08/07/2017 08:37

I can see why you don't care about SATS - I don't either - but I do care whether my kids can do the things contained within SATS (the mathematical concepts, the grammer, punctuation etc). Is it the content your ds struggles with, or the SATs format? I wouldn't worry that a dyslexic child finds spelling difficult and I've got through life without knowing what a fronted adverbial is but some of that stuff matters and will matter, no matter what he does in life. Better that he has enough confidence in himself to persevere than to decide he's not academic age 11. I've worked with some profoundly dyslexic but academically able people.