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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not miss my husband?

20 replies

sunshiney78 · 04/07/2017 06:22

Husband and I are married for 7 years and have one DD 5. Things have never been great between us, but not bad either. He's away for 7 days, left 3 days ago, and I'm alarmed at how happy, peaceful and relaxed I feel! 😦 Is it normal to feel this way, or does it mean something is badly wrong with our relationship?

OP posts:

Cocklodger · 04/07/2017 06:24

I think when you say "things aren't great between us" that's a stronger indication something is up than the rest of your post tbh.
is there any reason you don't feel you can leave? I think you'd be happier for it by the snippet of your relationship I can see here...

Leilaniii · 04/07/2017 06:25

I have a fantastic relationship with my DH, we are very happy and always together. However, he is going to be away for 3 months and I can't bloody wait ! I can eat what I want, watch what I want on TV, I can exercise, read in bed... anything I want.

I don't think your not missing him means anything's wrong with your relationship.

Groupie123 · 04/07/2017 06:34

I don't think it implies anything is wrong per se. Some people enjoy their own company. Where it's a problem I guess is if one of you frequently engineers situations to be apart - if that's not happening then just kick back and enjoy :)

Original poster

sunshiney78 · 04/07/2017 06:34

Thanks! I do feel I can leave. I'm financially stronger of us two. I would feel a bad for my DD, and logistics of school drop off etc (which he does), will be a pain. Trying to weigh up what's best for DD: she doesn't witness arguments/unhappiness/abuse and she gets to have her mummy and daddy at home with her.

OP posts:

Neutrogena · 04/07/2017 06:41

Your relationship isn't "great", but many aren't. You seem rather flippant about leaving him.
If it makes your lives better, then split, but not if you don't mind either way. Your child may be upset.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 04/07/2017 07:06

It doesn't 'mean' anything. You can love someone, be very happy with them & still not miss them & enjoy time to yourself sometimes.

However, that's not your situation.

You aren't happy & that's no way to live.

What's best for DD, in my opinion, is having two happy parents. If you stay, in time you'll get more & more unhappy and so will DH. If you leave, you'll be happier on your own & may meet someone who you are happy with. 'Staying together for the kids' is not a good strategy. Whilst DD doesn't see arguing or fighting, kids aren't stupid, she'll know you aren't a 'happy mummy'. Of course what she wants is to have mummy & daddy together, she probably also wants to eat crap all the time, but you don't let her because what she 'wants' isn't always what's 'best' for her. Short term she will probably be upset, but you only have to read the boards here to see how much damage parents do to kids when they stay 'for the kids'. It's not good.

Saiman · 04/07/2017 07:08

I am happy with dh. But dont miss him when he is away. I enjoy time to myself, having the kids to myself etc.

Missing someone doesnt indicate anything about the relationship. The rest of you post does though

Thebluedog · 04/07/2017 07:10

I love my dp to distraction, but I also enjoy time on my own, I love having the remote to myself, watching some trashy film or box set, eating rubbish and drinking pop

I think that you admit it's not great is far more telling

Writerwannabe83 · 04/07/2017 07:37

I love it when DH goes away and I get peace and quiet!!

However, I never think about or consider leaving him. The fact you do this is the problem, not that you're enjoying having time alone

ethelfleda · 04/07/2017 07:42

I've been with my DH for 10 years and married for 1 year... I think I look forward to him not being here but he was away with work last night and I miss him! In fact as soppy as it is I miss him sometimes when I just go to work!
But every relationship is different - I do like my own company as well. Your DH leaving for good is very different to just leaving for a week.

SuburbanRhonda · 04/07/2017 07:47

Trying to weigh up what's best for DD: she doesn't witness arguments/unhappiness/abuse and she gets to have her mummy and daddy at home with her.

I work in family support and believe me, she doesn't have to witness anything directly to know things aren't happy at home. I would get out before she suffers any long-term effects of the situation between the two of you.

BabsGanoush · 04/07/2017 07:49

My DH was away last night...and I'm bloody loving it . I don't know why as I have the same routine and DH is gone when I get up. I think it's because I don't have to talk to anyone.

usersos · 04/07/2017 07:53

I'd hope there are other reasons that you are with him other than that the school drop offs would be a pain!

Rinkydinkypink · 04/07/2017 07:55

I'd love a week without dh! Yanbu

Original poster

sunshiney78 · 04/07/2017 08:29

Usersos 😂. Servicing the car? Seriously though, we are not desperately unhappy, just rubbing along and I'm not bothered about whether it ends it or not, but DD & the fact that he does want to remain in the marriage swings it a little.
Anyway, I'm going to get lost in work for the rest of the day, thank you for your astute & insightful responses.

OP posts:

SpongySand · 04/07/2017 08:38

It would make the school run difficult if you left haha that is the most hilarious reason I've heard not to leave a husband. I think it sounds like you're just bobbing along not many feelings there at all for him. For you both from the limited info you've provided it sounds as though you'd be happier apart.

Original poster

sunshiney78 · 04/07/2017 08:58

I love you ladies making me laugh at myself! Wish I had you in RL!

OP posts:

Sunshinegirls · 04/07/2017 09:28

I love my DH, I also love it when he's away or even more, when I'm away! My friends are the same with their OH's. That bits normal. I wonder if you are maybe stuck in a routine and would benefit from taking some time to have fun together as it sounds like your just a bit "meh" about your relationship rather than wanting out.

usersos · 04/07/2017 13:09

It's sad to hear that you're not bothered whether it ended or not. If I knew my husband felt like that it worse my mum felt like that about my dad I'd be crushed
Life really is too short......

RhubardGin · 04/07/2017 13:20

I'm not bothered about whether it ends it or not

Does your DH feel the same way? Life is too short to spend it with someone you don't really love.

It sounds really depressing.

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