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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wake DS up at 10am

35 replies

strumthehairyharp · 01/07/2017 10:19

DS 16 has now finished his GCSE's and is at home every day. He barley leaves the house preferring to spend almost every waking moment on the Xbox or Ipad watching videos.

I know he's been staying up pretty late online but last night I got up to the toilet and he was still online with his friends at 3.30! I told him to get off immediately and this morning I opened his door at 10am and told him to get up.

He's moaning and groaning that I'm being unreasonable and that if I ask him to do little jobs (walking the dog, peg washing out, empty the dishwasher) he does so apart from that he can spend his time doing what he wants.

He doesnt go out so doesnt spend any money so theres no pull for him to go out and find a summer job. Simply he wants to to lay in bed for most of the day and play online games the rest of the time.

No good switching off the router, its really temperamental and if I switch if off it drops connection for a few days afterwards until it settles down again.

OP posts:

SleepingTiger · 01/07/2017 10:20

No good switching off the router, its really temperamental and if I switch if off it drops connection for a few days afterwards until it settles down again.

But its a solution.

Bringmewineandcake · 01/07/2017 10:22

I'd probably leave him to it for a couple of weeks at least. Unless it's affecting family plans then let him have some down time. Is he going back for A levels or will he be looking for work?

JustArandomUser · 01/07/2017 10:23

You need to get a better router.

Pengggwn · 01/07/2017 10:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

zeebeedee · 01/07/2017 10:25

We have a 'just finished A levels' and a 'just finished GCSEs' here. They are both expected to be up by 9 in the week, and both have to be up for work at the weekends.

EsmeeMerlin · 01/07/2017 10:26

How was he at his GCSEs? If he worked hard completing all of them I would probably leave him be for a little while thinking he deserves to relax the way he wants and then start encouraging him to get up and get out etc.

Fruitbat1980 · 01/07/2017 10:27

CHange the wifi password. Only let him have it when he starts functioning as a human!

mintbiscuit · 01/07/2017 10:28

Agree with PP. Let him have a wee break and then have a chat to reinforce what you think is expected of him over the hols. If he is not working I would defo be insisting he pulls his weight around the house.

Our vegin media router allows us to go online and restrict wifi at device level (we use this to regulate ds's xbox activity).

PeppaPigTastesLikeBacon · 01/07/2017 10:29

I would give him a break for a couple of weeks. Even though I did gcse's 10+ years I can still remember how drained I felt after them!

swimmerforlife · 01/07/2017 10:31

Yeah I'd give him a week or so to recover as exams are stressful before pushing the 'get a job' line. However that doesn't exclude helping from household chores.

I think once all schools break up, I'd expect him to fulfil his time somehow other than playing the xbox, even if he doesn't get a job but at least play some sport or volunteer.

Squeegle · 01/07/2017 10:35

Boys can be very annoying . My DS is still in bed . But how many of us have changed our ways as the result of nagging? Give him a bit of time to get this lifestyle out of his system and then have a chat about how he needs to contribute a bit. And then have sanctions if he doesn't do his bit

LottieDoubtie · 01/07/2017 10:41

I wouldn't make him get up unless there was something specific you want him to do.

When he is up I would have a chat with him about his summer plans and help him make some decent ones. A few weeks of nocturnal behaviour and gaming is great and probably needed- a few months is too much.

BUT plan it in advance and be clear on your expectations don't just yell at him to get up at 10am and then leave him doing nothing except a few chores that could of waited- that way resentment lies.

Rossigigi · 01/07/2017 10:43

My son was the same after his GCSE's he went and found a job and used the money to build his own gaming PC and now saving for his car insurance (we are paying lessons and his dad has bought him a car).
This has changed his attitude to all
Night gaming as now he is in 6th form and also his job.

Troubleshootingforever · 01/07/2017 10:56

I'd let him be. If he does the little jobs etc you ask then I think it's fair enough after stressful exams he has this downtown. He's a lifetime of responsibility & stress ahead ... exams, student debt, job hunting, full time work, mortgage, pensions etc ..... let him have his late-night gaming with his friends for a bit 😊

Original poster

strumthehairyharp · 01/07/2017 11:26

He knuckled down and worked hard for his GCSE's to be fair, he did extremely well in his mocks. He doesn't seem to have much drive outside the house and school though, on one hand I'm glad he's not roaming the streets all day and night up to no good but I was hoping he'd perhaps think about getting a summer job to help pay towards the driving lessons / insurance that he starts after his birthday in September. He's going back to school to do A Levels (Maths, Chemistry and Biology) and his attitude is that they are hard subjects so he wont be able to manage those and a job....

OP posts:

Moanyoldcow · 01/07/2017 11:35

Can you afford for him not to have a job? Those a-levels are punishing and need a lot of work and I'd suggest he concentrate on that.

I'd compromise by asking him to have set jobs around the house which are not negotiable.

I had a job during a-levels (same ones as your son). I was predicted 3 As and told I should consider Oxbridge in my first year.

However, we were extremely badly off as a family, I worked as much as I could (both weekend days and all holidays) and I just couldn't keep up. I had to to afford the £70 a month train fare to college.

I lost interest, just pissed my time away and scraped 2 of my A-Levels.

Life is fine now but it's not the one I expected to have.

BuggerLumpsAnnoyed · 01/07/2017 11:43

If he's just finished his GCSEs I'd leave him for a bit. Obviously it's not ideal all summer, but the exams are punishing and A levels are a whole other world of difficult.

zeebeedee why?

Original poster

strumthehairyharp · 01/07/2017 11:50

Luckily we can afford for him not to have a job whilst doing his A Levels, however DH and I come form very hard working backgrounds from young ages and we both feel it'll give him some much needed life skills.

OP posts:

Lapinlapin · 01/07/2017 11:50

Well if he doesn't want to take on a job whilst doing A-Levels (which I do understand, some students let school work suffer as a result of paid employment), he definitely needs to work now!

Why don't you discuss spending money, driving lessons, Sixth form parties etc, and point out he's going to need to earn some money to cover all that.

Plus, once he's at Uni, he'll need to get jobs in the summer holidays at least, and you could point out how work experience now will make that task a bit easier.

If he's worked really hard for his GCSEs then personally I'd be OK with him having a couple of weeks of being really lazy. But I'd definitely expect him to spend the rest of the summer doing something useful - i.e earning a bit of money.

BertrandRussell · 01/07/2017 11:54

Why are people so keen to get them out of bed?

Come to a deal about some jobs round the house, then let them get on with it. What's the problem?

Funnyface1 · 01/07/2017 12:16

If it were me I'd cut him off at midnight, there's no good reason for him to be up at 3.30am. it's bad for his body clock and his health. He shouldn't need to sleep in all day if you do that.

I agree that exams are hard and he may need some down time but he also needs life skills. A summer spent in his bedroom staring at a screen won't benefit him much. Even just a Saturday job will shake things up and shouldn't be too taxing. If he's reluctant tell him you need money to contribute towards the internet.

Moanyoldcow · 01/07/2017 12:17

Wouldn't it better for him to work hard at his A-Levels so he can get a job and career he liked and will WANT to work hard at?

He doesn't sound lazy if he's had excellent mocks and is planning to those 3 A-Levels.

Plus I'd expect he's planning a fairly demanding career with those choices - can I hazard a guess at Medicine? I'd want to ensure he did as well as he could exam-wise than teach him some faux-lesson about work-ethic with a shitty weekend job.

kiddietoysnetwork · 01/07/2017 13:32

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Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

apostropheuse · 01/07/2017 13:48

Why does hwme need to be up early? He's not harming anyone. Teenagers are meant to stay up late and lie in late in the morning when on holidays. It's how they're programmed. I would leave him be. He has the rest of his life to be a responsible adult.

Groupie123 · 01/07/2017 14:16

If it were me I'd trust that at 16 he knows what he's doing online, and this great academic performance & good behaviour would have earned my trust. He's relaxing - it's probably not the way you'd do it, but if he's going back to A Levels next year he deserves a bit of a break.

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