To expect my 8 year old not to lose things?

[Mintychoc1]

DS2 is 8. He's always losing stuff, leaving it at school, in changing rooms, anywhere really. It drives me mad having to constantly buy replacements, and I've lectured him about it countless times.

Today he went to football then back to a friend's afterwards, as I was busy with DS1. When I collected him he was minus a shin pad, 2 goalie gloves and a water bottle. They aren't at the friend's house - we looked - so I'm guessing he left them at the football club.

I've told him that he will have to pay for replacement shin pads himself, using the money he's saved. I've said that he might learn from this, and next time he's causally dropping his stuff, he'll remember how much it costs to replace.

My Mum thinks I'm being harsh, he's only 8 and can't be expected to keep a track of things.

So, AIBU?

YABU - he's only 8! My ds is 11 and regularly forgets/loses stuff isn't it what children do??

YABU. I'm 43 and I regularly lose things.

You'd be better off finding ways of helping him not to lose/forget things.

My 8 year old is useless at losing things! It's just her as my older daughter has always been fine. She's just in another world tbh. I try to get her to count the number of things she needs to have - cost, lunch box, school bag and water bottle (so 4 things). Helps, sometimes.......

Where does his saved money come from? If it's his pocket money (ie originally from you) then YANBU. But if it's birthday or Christmas present money that he has saved then I think YABU.

YANBU!

If it was a one off, I'd say you were being unreasonable, but it's constant. If he has the funds to pay for it, then yes, he can replace it himself or go without. Eight isn't too young to start learning that stuff costs money.

My DS8 is always leaving stuff in places. I don't have the money to replace it so if he can't find it the next day he goes without. He last his shoes just before the end of term and so had to wear his trainers and got told off at school every day.... he eventually found them.... he's lost shoes, tie, blazer, lunch boxes (lots of these), water bottles .... just about any item of clothing that he might happen to take off.... most were found again.... so.e took a few days or weeks to turn up.... but he's getting better.

I've started putting our phone number on the name tag labels. I have girl/boy twins - rare for my daughter to lose anything / very common for my son to come home without items of clothing especially his jacket. I gave him couple of warnings and said I was going to introduce a rule that if he came home without his jacket there would be no screen time that night - like magic he has never forgotten his jacket since. A couple of times he stood at the school gate and remembered he'd left his jacket inside and gone back to get it - I think initially the feeling of potentially losing screen time remained with him throughout the day and triggered him to remember his jacket - but now remembering it has become a habit.

YANBU - 8 is old enough to start to understand where money comes from and how much things cost. Take him with you to buy replacements and let him learn these things don't just appear! It doesn't have to phrased as a punishment or something cruel like others have suggested, but hopefully will teach him that he needs to be careful!

Ds now pays for things he loses, but he is 13 and gets picket money.

At 8 we put names on as many things as possible, tried to drill into him to put things in his bag as soon as he took the off, to hang his jacket over the back of a chair instead of the floor as it is more visible, and to check the area he was in before leaving it. If he lost anything we would make him take responsibility to go back looking and asking for it.

My ds who is a couple of years older is is pretty good and rarely loses things. His sister is mid teens and the total opposite - always has been!

I've never met an 8 year old who didn't lose things.

My dd never lost things until she became a teenager.

My DS kept losing things even in Year 9, sorry.

Things only really got better in Y10 when he got more organised with GCSE work and other parts of his life fell into place too.

Paying for replacement might work. Another thing that could help is waiting. Using dad's cast of skiing gloves for a while, lunch in a Tesco bag, school plimsolls not football boots. 8 year olds seldom play football at a level requiring premier league kit yet.

He won't change, and won't even learn by your making him pay.

just go for cheaper replacements , and when he comments tell him your not paying for nice, when he won't look after it,,,

YANBU

8 years old is old enough to understand how to take care of things and not lose them.

At the moment he doesn't care because he knows you will just buy him replacements so I think using his picket money to buy new football gear is a good idea.

YANBU. If he has lost stuff, he'll go without. If he can not play football without shinpads, he will watch from the side.

My ds is 11 and regularly forgets/loses stuff isn't it what children do??
No, it isn't. Or rather: the ones whose parents think this is normal, do.

It can work. Many kids I know have the following phone history: first phone (aged ~11) is a cast-off smart phone . This is quickly trashed or lost. Next phone is a £10 brick from Tesco. Period of saving up, followed by the coveted Samsung or iPhone depending on money available. This one is carefully looked after and lasts.

One exception to this are kids who are super careful from the off. Another are kids who get a new iPhone just as soon as the old one is lost or broken. They have no need to learn and they usually don't.