To go away for Christmas?

[BabyLedWhining]

I split with my husband of 15 years last October. He stayed over during the Christmas period which was awkward and confusing for everyone. He doesn't do any of the work (cooking, gift buying) at Christmas but I think realistically he cares more about it than I do. This year I'm thinking of just going away for a couple of days and leaving him and the kids to do it alone together. Aibu? They're 7 and under if it makes a difference. My ex and I don't have any family to spend it with so every year it would be one of us alone at home while the other gets the kids. Or sitting around awkwardly together. I'm just wondering if maybe I take the hit and get in the habit of not doing Christmas anymore and it being a special tradition for just them. The way some kids have parents of different religions and celebrate different holidays. I'm the main carer and don't get much time alone so if I can make it positive I might look forward to the time alone.

• I do think he'd start celebrating Christmas properly if he didn't have someone to do the grunt work so the kids would have fun

I wouldn't blame you if you did but could you be without your kids at Christmas? Have you thought about where you would go?

I think realistically I will have to be without then at least every other year right?

And if ex gets a girlfriend the option of hanging out together won't even be there. I'm not sure where I'd go, somewhere cheap! 🤔

Given that he's a Christmassy person and you're not, it would be a generous thing to do. Be very sure that you're genuinely ok with it though.

I think it is probably is time to discuss alternate Christmases. Don't give him every Christmas at this point. Try alternate for a few years and then take it from there.

Yes, alternate having them then on Christmas and definitely don't have him around on your Christmases.

Let him make his own traditions, and you make your own.

It would be sad for your kids to have no more Christmas memories/photos with you.

You sound quite defeated OP. Is everything else ok?

I've looked into going away at Christmas, my youngest is 19 and she is coming with me.

To get somewhere cheap you have to book by February (unless 1k is cheap for you), unless you are thinking of still being in the UK.

Depending on where you are flying from, flights can be limited.

My Mother didn't care about Christmas, or me, enough to fake it, I've always resented her for it.

They're going to want a Christmas with you, they will be having one with their Dad, so it's very different to just changing your family tradition.

Be prepared for them to not forgive you for going away and for not having a Christmas with them, even if it's the week before, or after.

""The way some kids have parents of different religions and celebrate different holidays. ""

But they would have their version of Christmas.

They are way too young to just not do Christmas.

I wouldn't miss Christmas with my DD if I had any choice in the matter. Wouldn't your children be upset?

Alternate it's about your dc not you ,they will want some Christmasses with you.

I would alternate the Christmases and go away on the ones you don't have your DC.

Thanks tree, finola

My hope navy is that it would stop being sad when I got used to it rather than being a big grey cloud hanging over me every other year. I don't know if that's how it would realistically work out or not.

chloe I feel quite defeated tbh. Though it ended last year it's kind of only hit me properly just recently and today's been very hard. Stupid really.

Not sure trifle right now they see me most of the time and Christmas is just a gift grab with lots of food so they'd have fun with or without me. If it became a tradition I suppose I'd hope they'd not really think about it.

birds I'm not from the UK so there is actually a cultural holiday that I celebrate that could be called my Christmas although it's not religious and we would still do thy together.... actually, that's made me feel a bit better as I'd still have that and it's special because none of our friends celebrate it

I did this. We went to DisneyLand Paris (bloody cold!) but absolutely loved it. Purely selfish as meant no visiting relatives (we always rush around Christmas morning as everyone wants to see her open her presents when all she and I actually ever wanted was to sit in our pjs and chill/eat selection boxes!) and keeping everyone else happy! And especially no time to feel sad.

My Dd loved the experience and it was just as magical. She loved having a cheeseburger for her Christmas dinner. Was nowhere near as expensive as I'd expected and it worked for us! She was only little though so we had to buy a special bauble and hang it in the hotel so the big man knew where to find us!

BabyLedWhining

I honestly think your DCs would miss you and be really upset that you didn't want to be with them at Christmas. I also think you will feel differently about this when the dust settles from the split.

I definitely wouldn't offer every Christmas. Suggest alternating but he can have next Christmas.

Wrong end of the stick feedme I'd be going away without the kids though definitely not to Disney in the winter

As an alternative to going on holiday without the kids... if your ex took the kids, you could volunteer with the homeless (especially if you drive - getting volunteers on the 24th, 25th and 26th is hard due to the national public transport situation). I've done it before and it's so rewarding and tiring; you don't have time to dwell on your own pain.

Actually pringle that's something I've always wanted to do but not found my way round to doing it . Good idea

We went away (as a family) last Xmas to Egypt and met a lady there who was doing just this. She had an absolute whale of a time from what we could see / she even 'borrowed' DD (11) to go on some of the water rides with her because they were 2 person only. She always had a lot of people chatting to her etc and didn't seem lonely at all. So it certainly can be done.

We had a great time / the weather was fab, the hotel quite luxurious, the Xmas eve gala nice without being too Christmassy, and the cocktails flowed a little too easily!

Gah! Jesus no! Do not do Disney then and ignore me...I'll just slope off nothing to be seen here...

chloe I feel quite defeated tbh. Though it ended last year it's kind of only hit me properly just recently and today's been very hard. Stupid really.

It's not been that long since it ended. Sounds like he was a bit of an arse (loved Christmas but did none of the work)?

That sounds lovely LtEve I'm not religious so it's just cultural that I go along with Christmas so I think I could "break the habit' if that makes sense.

No problem fedme I did the same on another thread!

chloe I think he just likes that nostalgia of Christmas and since his mother passed it can be a funny time for him. I think he'll struggle more in his own than me. He is as arse butnin that general way that statistically the vast bloody majoritity many men are. Christmas just happens for them. Gifts appear magically wrapped, Christmas dinner gets cooked. So not malicious, just, an arse.

Agree that alternating seems sensible for now. Even if you're a not a Christmassy person, OP, it can still be difficult. I've had a few Christmases on my own now (since my DDs grew up and left home, and I don't want to be a burden on them). The first one was horrible - I thought I was prepared for it, but the constant reminders of happy family life did get to me a bit.

If you do go away on your own, I recommend Amsterdam for a Christmas city break if you're into that kind of thing - I had the best time there a couple of Christmases ago. All the important things (big museums, cafes etc.) stay open, public transport runs throughout the holiday period, and it's less crowded than any other time. I had a fantastic city break there for about £350 including travel, and it's one of the best holidays I've ever had.

Christmas is just magical when the children are young. They would want you both around for Christmas surely. For the next few years can you not just divvy up the jobs with plenty of time. Give him a list of gifts to get and tell him they need to be wrapped and labelled etc. Give him a list of food that he needs to bring or get him to buy all the trimmings snacks, Quality Street, crackers etc. Waitrose do plenty of pre order food. Can he come over for gift opening stay for Christmas dinner and then he can be on his way. He could take the kids for a walk to save awkwardness etc. It cound be done and doesn't have to be forever

Amstdam sounds lovely crecebt sorry you're dealing with loneliness at that time as well

Thanks kc225 but I'm done doing the wife work for ex time for him to start planning Christmas . I might send him the MN pontastic Christmas threads...