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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Experiences of AA please.

23 replies

userinterface34 · 31/05/2017 22:26

I've a drinking problem and I know it. Hold down a high pressured job in a senior position. I function 'fine' but could do so much better. Scared of going to AA where I live because everyone knows everyone. Don't want to see th GP because it will sit on my record and effect my job and life insurance. Is there an alternative?

OP posts:

SchnooSchnoo · 31/05/2017 22:31

Can you go a bit further afield for meetings to avoid people you know?

SchnooSchnoo · 31/05/2017 22:32

Sorry, I'm feeling a bit tired to give my full opinions on AA, but I definitely think the programme has value and is worth trying.

Dawnedlightly · 31/05/2017 22:34

How much do you drink? And how small is where you live?
To be honest, unless you're the vicar's wife in a tiny village in an Ealing comedy drinking a thimbleful of sherry a night, the benefits so far outweigh any risk I'd say definitely go.

Goldenhedgehogs · 31/05/2017 22:34

Come and visit Dry 17. It's in the relationship section of mumsnet and full of people that want to stop drinking. It's a really supportive thread and you will learn loads of different things you can try to help you not drink. I like "since" which is an app that counts the days since I last drank. There is also a blog google "mummy was a secret drinker"and in her most recent posts she has links to lots of other useful female focused staying sober websites. Good luck! I am on day 307 of being alcohol free and although it was and still is hard I know my life is so much better for not having alcohol in it.

Original poster

userinterface34 · 31/05/2017 22:36

Probably not realistically I work 45 hours a week and would have to drive well over an hour because of where I live... and I don't want my family to know. I mean I suspect they know I struggle but I'm not ready for them to know I'm ready for AA. Is there an alternative to AA?

OP posts:

Dawnedlightly · 31/05/2017 22:36

Why do you think they'd find out?

PacificDogwod · 31/05/2017 22:37

Google 'stop drinking without AA' - lots of info to be found.
Good luck.

FakePlasticTeaLeaves · 31/05/2017 22:37

You could see a private therapist. But I would suggest an AA in an area outside of where you live. The support of someone and a group going through what you have, and understanding where you've been, is very valuable.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 31/05/2017 22:38

My friend did it and it saved her . She now is very well and happy and she still sees her fellowship friends

Start with GP and well done for facing up to it xx

Theuselessone · 31/05/2017 22:39

First off, amazing that you recognise it and are doing something about it.

I really wouldn't worry about going to AA near you. Everyone there is in the same position as you i.e. brave enough to do something about their drinking and take their recovery seriously. They wouldn't want you spreading gossip about them so they won't do it to you.

However, if you aren't ready for that yet you have to go at your own pace. Try Hello Sunday Morning - www.hellosundaymorning.org/ - This an online support group for alcoholics. They also have apps on android and apple. You get a free trial then it is paid for but you get the instant support without having to meet face to face so may be a good stepping stone.

It is so hard to be a functioning alcoholic as you haven't reached rock bottom so may not have the same motivation to change. Make sure you have plenty to distract you in the evenings and sugary treats/ non-alcoholic drinks to keep you going.

All the best!

Original poster

userinterface34 · 31/05/2017 22:41

My job opens me up to judgement too: I'll visit dry 17 thanks. I know it's an issue because despite my promises all day. I get home and open the wine. I can do an epic gym session feel healthy as and then drink a whole bottle of wine.. maybe more... i just have nobody to turn to.. I'm cross with myself and I know I need to sort it out... any success stories as an alternative to a public group would be greatly appreciated

OP posts:

Dawnedlightly · 31/05/2017 22:46

You've been given several alternatives, my love. I'm gently suggesting that I've never heard of anyone getting long term sober without AA and challenging your fear that your secret will get out through going to AA, rather than you hitting rock bottom through drinking.

PacificDogwod · 31/05/2017 22:48

Stop drinking alcohol

Wikihow

Book

Lots of options.

At the end of the day, different strategies work for different people and you have to find the one for you.
AA has a lot going for it and if you did attend a meeting I predict that you'd be amazed at the range of people attending

Dawnedlightly · 01/06/2017 18:05

How are you, userinterface34?

notanevilstepmother · 01/06/2017 18:11

Try www.addaction.org.uk/

MrFMercury · 01/06/2017 18:15

I've got 711 days sober and found a site called soberistas invaluable. My job means I felt unable to risk AA meetings because I work with vulnerable people and I'm also not comfortable with some of the basis of the movement although see it works for a lot of people. So I'd suggest equally as gently (genuinely not sarcastically as I'm worried that reads) that sobriety is achievable following paths other than AA :)
Good luck userinterface34 you will find the way that works x

Dawnedlightly · 01/06/2017 18:28

So pleased MrF and definitely not sarcastically either! Of course because I got sober through AA I, by definition know other people for whom it worked!
Ref anonymity and risk- it's easily 50/50 typical 'service user' types and professionals. I've met more doctors and nurses than prisoners in AA. Far more!
I'm 7 years 🙌🏻

MrFMercury · 01/06/2017 18:35

Phew and well done that's fantastic :)

kaytee87 · 01/06/2017 18:39

I don't have personal experience of it but a friend does and recommends it.
I don't think you need to be worried about going to a local one as the other people there are either in or have been in the same situation as you.
I haven't had a chance to read through the thread as wanted to reply before I do bedtime here and forget but surely anything on your gp record is private?

Glitterspy · 01/06/2017 18:43

I understand AA is completely anonymous so it doesn't matter who knows who

FlappyFish · 01/06/2017 18:55

It doesn't matter if you see someone you know. Remember, they well be thinking oh no, I know her too?

I fuctioned for a long time in a senior role. On a flask of vodka a night. I did the gym too...

Functioning can't go on forever and you may well not be functioning as well as you think.

18 months sober via AA.

CeCeBloomer · 01/06/2017 19:08

AA absolutely changed my life, I have been sober 8 years, I also hold down a reasonably high pressure job (6 figure salary - not boasting just context). All I can say is I now have a life I couldn't have dreamed of. I still appreciate waking up with a clear head, nothing like the anxiety I used to have and a lot of appreciation for my life.
In terms of being recognised, it does happen but you are all in it for the same reason and there is no judgement, I have seen a couple of work colleagues over the years at meetings and we always respect each other's privacy. In terms of other people I have seen many celebs at meetings, and people far far far more successful than myself. There is people from all walks of life but when it boils down to it you find you have a lot in common with people on the surface you might not have realised.
The best advice I could give is to go along with an open mind and it can do no harm giving it a try

WeAllHaveWings · 01/06/2017 19:46

No experience at all, but having lost a family member to this terrible addiction, please prioritise you getting better over the chance of being recognised.

Stop thinking of the reasons not to go and focus on the reason for going.

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