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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be concerned about my stepsons diet.

26 replies

LeMatriach18 · 30/05/2017 19:42

Ds is 16 almost 17. He is very strict about his diet and I think he may have orthorexia.

.No sugar absolutely none
.Very few carbs, will have a burger without a bun.
.The carbs he does eat have to be brown
.It becomes really difficult to have a meal at a restaurant.

He is very critical of over people's dietary choice so much that it annoys others. If Someone has ice cream he will say about sugar and how bad is it.

He is an okay weight but has no fat. Is this normal eating habits for a teenager. My dc who are the similar age don't have this.

OP posts:
Whatsername17 · 30/05/2017 19:46

I had an educational and thus all sounds very familiar. What does his dad think?

Original poster
LeMatriach18 · 30/05/2017 19:49

Dad is very unintested as long as he's healthy weight and not skinny. His dad says he looks good. I don't think healthy eating is a bad thing even being quite strict. What I'm talking about is say for example going out for a step sibilings birthday and having a chicken salad and not having dessert, that concerns me.

OP posts:
BabyBlusher · 30/05/2017 19:49

I had the same issue at a similar age. Very healthy and strict, I would work out for 1 hour every day, maybe 2. On the weekend I would total another 5-6 hours.

I only ate a very "balanced and healthy vegan diet". I saw someone about it but they weren't any help. It's more of a phase thing. The only thing that is being jeopardised is his mental health, not his physical health.

Original poster
LeMatriach18 · 30/05/2017 19:54

Yes I think it's something that could harm his mental health. I think it makes him look a bit odd to be honest.

OP posts:
BabyBlusher · 30/05/2017 19:54

It's more likely a control thing, to help him feel he has control over other aspects of his life too - whereas he might feel very out of control in one aspect at the moment, or may feel out of control of his future. It's a coping skill.

He is eating fine if he is even willing to eat out and have chicken salad. I refused to eat out since I couldn't be sure they were keeping to their menus exactly or who was touching my food.

No sugar (unless raw fruits and veg), no sodium, gluten, dairy or anything with preservatives. Only ever drank herbal tea, smoothies I made, and water.

He honestly sounds FAR from orthorexic.

BabyBlusher · 30/05/2017 19:55

That said, he should still talk to someone!

Instasista · 30/05/2017 19:57

It sounds a bit extreme especially at his age, but I also think a lot of adults (myself included) follow similar diets (although admitidly, on an 80/20 basis)

It's really hard to judge- if might just be a phase. I also think people can be controlled and disciplined about diet without having an eating disorder

Original poster
LeMatriach18 · 30/05/2017 19:57

Well he won't eat preservatives, diary is okay as long as it's high protein zero sugar. Won't drink tap water ( but dh doesn't either). Sugar is only from fruit nothing else.

OP posts:
Original poster
LeMatriach18 · 30/05/2017 19:59

It's really hard to judge- if might just be a phase. I also think people can be controlled and disciplined about diet without having an eating disorder

Normally I'd agree but I think it gets to a point. I think that line is crossed when people refuse to even have a treat on a special occasion. Lecture other people about food.

OP posts:
Original poster
LeMatriach18 · 30/05/2017 20:00

Oh and cutting a whole and important food groups. carbs

OP posts:
HildaOg · 30/05/2017 20:04

There's no such thing as orthorexia. It's a label to pretend that not eating chocolate croissants is a mental disorder so junk food over eaters can feel better about themselves. A healthy diet is desirable, he'll live longer and have fewer diseases than his junk food gorging peers.

We have an obesity epidemic, as miserable and dull as his diet sounds, it's only a disorder in a world where extremely disordered eating is the norm.

It's healthy. Tell him to stop lecturing people because it's rude but don't try to sabotage him by trying to force your own normality on him. He'll live a long life in a healthy body, that's not a disease.

BabyBlusher · 30/05/2017 20:06

HildaOg

Highly disagree. It's a recognised disorder that has specific symptoms to the disorder (similarly with bulimia and anorexia) and can be identified. I agree there is an issue with weight in the UK, and people like to pretend healthy eaters are "strange and way too strict" but there is such thing as orthorexia.

Original poster
LeMatriach18 · 30/05/2017 20:09

No I've said healthy eating is generally good but it has gone to far.

OP posts:
Instasista · 30/05/2017 20:12

Of course othorexia is a thing. What's more it's been around far longer than the obesity epidemic so has nothing to do with it

bexy229 · 30/05/2017 20:14

It's not healthy and Hilda0g you are promoting wrong info, trust me on this one. Don't listen to her and just keep an eye on it

AtleastitsnotMonday · 30/05/2017 20:43

As someone who has suffered severe AN for many years this rings real alarm bells to me. The PP's notion that he will eat a chicken salad n a restaurant and is therefore ok is frankly rubbish. I went to a restaurant today and ate a chicken salad, I'm still Anorexic, I weigh five stone. Eating disorders aren't really about what people eat or don't eat, that's just a symptom. It's more about the thinking that's underlying those food choices.
Healthy eating is great but healthy eating is about everything in moderation, never eating previously enjoyed food is plain worrying.

AtleastitsnotMonday · 30/05/2017 21:01

You say he eats dairy, it that full fat? What about other fats? Oils? Nuts etc?

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 30/05/2017 22:15

I would be concerned

It's a great idea to eat this way if you are a Victoria secrets model but for a growing lad it's somewhat concerning and very unusual

That said my friends DP is like this and he is a ripe
Old 43

Is he happy and thriving otherwise and what does his Mum think ??

FuzzyPillow · 31/05/2017 08:45

Eating disorders aren't really about what people eat or don't eat, that's just a symptom. It's more about the thinking that's underlying those food choices.

^ Spot on PP.

OP, can you give more detail about his diet? It's a bit hard to judge from a few snippets of info. Also, what are his exercise patterns like?

Kokusai · 31/05/2017 09:21

Well.... sugar is the big killer. It is impossible to not eat any sugar, but you woudl be surprised that even if you avoid all 'sugary food' how quickly you get up to the WHO sugar daily allowance (not the one they print on packets...)

TBH most of us eat a shit diet with far too much sugar in it.

What I'm talking about is say for example going out for a step sibilings birthday and having a chicken salad and not having dessert, that concerns me.

So you are saying he should get plesure out of eating a plate full od sugar and fat? But in actual fact he is getting pleasure out of eating healthily and looking after his body?

When you think about it like that... who sounds like they have a problem?? Not him.

As a society one of out big issues is that we equate eating a plate of sugar with happiness/fun.

I fucking love sugar, but I am not blind to its dangers.

PeanutButterJellyTimeforTea · 31/05/2017 09:40

here's no such thing as orthorexia. It's a label to pretend that not eating chocolate croissants is a mental disorder so junk food over eaters can feel better about themselves. A healthy diet is desirable, he'll live longer and have fewer diseases than his junk food gorging peers

Bullshit. It's not healthy in a social sense and its not healthy in any sense. Who says he'll live longer?

Of course there is such a thing as orthorexia, if you think it doesn't exist you either have it or don't understand it.

Kokusai · 31/05/2017 09:57

It's not healthy in a social sense and its not healthy in any sense. Who says he'll live longer

There is an overwhelming weight of evidence that says leading a low sugar diet has better long term health outcomes.

Your argument is like saying "why give up smoking, there is no guarantee you'll live longer and won't get lung cancer"

PeanutButterJellyTimeforTea · 31/05/2017 09:58

It's nothing at all like that. Hmm I don't think you've understood the issue here.

A child controlling their diet to the extent they are also lecturing everyone around them is NOT GOOD. Anyone who can't see that really shouldn't be commenting.

theapplesarecoming · 31/05/2017 10:26

How long has this been going on?

Missingthepoint · 31/05/2017 10:42

If his father considers him thin as opposed to skinny then I think the issue is to let him be. I would point out to him that telling others about their food choices, ie ice cream may be well intentioned but is being seen as rude. He needs to learn to keep his opinions to himself especially of special occasions when others will choose to overindulge. I'm a small eater. I feel ill after going out for meals if I force myself to eat too much so as to avoid comments like those expressed above. If he doesn't want pudding why should he be forced to have one??