AIBU with my feelings?!

[PhyllisNights]

I'm 6 months pregnant & wondering what sort of place I'm bringing my child into. I've had anxiety all week since the Manchester bombings.

I've been extra vigilant, watching through the curtains all week, but my DH thinks I'm being too over top. I honestly don't think I'm being ridiculously over the top, though. I'm not sure what to do or how to feel?!

Hi phyllis It's natural to worry when you're pregnant and often you may project all your concerns onto a single issue. Maybe try and distract yourself by focusing on an interest you have instead of checking the curtains constantly. DH's often don't have the concerns we do as mums. Mainly as they don't have the same hormones that we do when we're expecting.

I have a toddler, and just before she was born, the Charlie Hebdo/Paris supermarket attacks happened. Since her birth, I have been truly repulsed and terrified at the state of the world - it seems to be in very rapid decline to me and the amount of atrocities committed since my DD came into the world is disturbing.

I feel like you, and have been acting and feeling as you have for a long time. My DH thinks the same as yours, which makes me feel more paranoid. I'm in London and I hardly go out any more, as I cannot relax and feel so dreadfully nervous when out. I purposely restrict where DD and I go, how we travel there, and the time we spend anywhere.

I think we naturally see the world differently as Mothers, and this is what is happening with us, but it does seem to me though like the world is a completely different place to what it was 2.5 years ago.

I really wish I could give you some advice, and that I didn't feel the way that I do - I hate feeling like this.

I think perhaps you should speak to someone about your anxiety. Becoming hyper vigilant and doing things like checking through the curtains all week are over the top reactions to an event that didn't involve you or your family/friends. Do you think you could discuss your anxiety levels with your midwife or your GP?

Thank you for your replies. It honestly means a lot.

I have gone to the doctors about my anxiety before & they've said I'm fine.

I've always been very vigilant about looking through my blinds and reporting anything suspicious to the police. I feel on extra high alert after the Manchester incident.

I feel embarrassed to say this, but I've spent a few evenings this past week looking & crying into the distance.

What exactly do you expect to see peeping through the curtains?
Maybe if you thought about it then you would realise that there's nothing to see. Why would anyone be outside your house?
Your oh is right it's completely irrational and you need to speak to him or your Dr about it. What happened was nothing to do with you or anyone else sitting at home in their own house.

You can't spend your life obsessing about something that will never happen to you. Get out and meet your friends and stop thinking about the day you never saw.

You really need to catch a grip

I think you need to go back to your GP and tell him/her what you have described in your posts. You are not fine - this is not a way to live. What are you going to do when your child is born/older? You can't stay curtain-twitching for ever. Please go back to the doctor.

OP, don't beat yourself up. Yes, it is a bit over the top to be twitching curtains but it is entirely natural to be anxious when you are a mum, especially when you're pregnant.

The anxiety we feel serves a useful purpose, to protect our DC. But we can only protect them to a certain extent. To worry about things that are beyond our control or that are extremely unlikely to happen is pointless.

What an unhelpful post beanz. Perhaps you could catch some empathy and stop being so unpleasant to an anxious pregnant woman.

Op, I think that your anxiety is out of proportion and I really would urge you to seek help again. I think that checking through the curtains is not normal, and it concerns me that you see it as being vigilant. I see it differently, and would actually view it as a sign of being quite unwell. You shouldn't have to live in fear like this. Please do seek help op. I hope you feel better really soon.

Stormwhale read the OPs previous posts and you'll see why I wrote that!

(((Hugs)))
With anxiety, it can sometimes be having the time for those thoughts to run riot. Are you working full time now? If you're not, use the time to 'outside proof' yourself. Surround yourself with distractions that don't feed into your fears- so music stations or 4Extra rather than rolling news, Mumsnet or Facebook.
If you're feeling this anxious although you're busy at work, it does sound more serious, rather than your fears filling up your thoughts because you have the headspace for them, talk to your GP.

You're infinitely more likely to be hit by a car than killed by someone else.

I totally understand how you're feeling. The Paris attacks took place when I was pregnant and the Nice attack when my baby was a few days old, which seemed to close for comfort for me as I live in France.

I was absolutely devastated and felt in horrible danger. When I was allowed home with the baby a few days after the Nice attack, I insisted on all our shutters being down and doors locked (even though it's a very quiet, safe neighbourhood) because I thought the terrorists were coming for us

At the same time, like PPs have said, it is unproductive so you need to do what you can to get past it. I have found CBT useful for silencing the anxious voices in my head, as well as getting out and about as much as possible: once I'm out and around people I'm reassured that the world is a much nicer place than the hell I was building up in my head.

Because our world (and especially our part of the world) is by and large a safe and happy place. All these media outlets peddling sordid details only serve to heighten anxiety and you must avoid them at all costs.

Finally, your DH needs to try to understand that you're not being over the top on purpose and to support and reassure you until you get back in control.

Big hugs to you as it really is a horrible feeling, but you will get on top of it and you will feel better sooner or later

I was going to originally post and say get a grip but it actually sounds like you have some mental health issues. You mentioned anxiety but do you feel it may go deeper than that?

Peeping through your curtains all day and constantly being on the look out for danger or crimes to report isn't healthy. Do you live in a particularly rough area?

Having read your previous posts it sounds like you come into contact with a lot of hairy situations and are often on the phone to the police which posters have made fun of.

I think you may need counselling. Go to your GP ASAP and get help.

I think pregnancy can trigger weird and intense MH issues that do pass. There was a gruesome murder when I was pregnant with dd1 I found very upsetting, similarly when I was pregnant with dd2 the Princess of Wales died and I found myself completely devastated, but in a mememe way, very dark thoughts about motherhood and motherless children. The latter was very difficult because like now, it was very hard to avoid, I was on maternity leave and lived very near the Palace and seas of lilies.

But yes, as other posters have said, do talk to your GP.

I had my first ds 27 years ago just at invasion at Kuwait. I was so anxious about the world. When that music that means news time came on l ran to the bathroom. I averted my eyes from newspaper headings and forbade my dh from speaking about it. He was obsessed with it all. My ds is now 27 safe and sound. No danger has come near him..The world has always been an unsafe place but that savage mother instinct can bring on anxiety. Try not to take in too much details and protect yourself.

You really need to see a GP about your anxiety. Are leaving the house? I remember from your other posts that you had friends who you socialised with, is that still happening? Are you still going to work?