To let child go to bed without supper

[inashizzle]

Just caught interview with Gino D'campo who says parents are being to weak, allowing for fussy kids to rule mealtimes.Im sure he mentioned it's s large part of why kids are overweight.

My eldest pretty much ate was she was given, until 16;, second child -I've been a lot softer and it's becoming a battle. She's put on a lot of weight recently,turns up her nose at most fresh food. It was like a revelation , if she didn't want to eat dinner, go without, one missed meal is not going to kill her.

How old is your second child?

Depends on the age of the child

Depends on what the child has eaten that day

If an 8 year old for example refused every dinner then I'm sorry but I wouldn't be cooking something else. Of course a child can have genuine dislikes, but to dislike most offerings I don't think so.

I also think if you start offering a different dinner, toast, fruit etc when a dinner is refused it makes the child refuse more as they know you'll happily feed them something else

When I was little my parents always made sure there was at least 1 thing on the plate we all liked, so we could always eat that 1 thing and leave the rest. My parents never cooked us a different meal or toast if we said we didn't want the dinner provided.

My eldest is 20 months and his very good with food at breakfast & lunch, but sometimes he can be funny with dinner. I always make sure 1 favourite food is on the dinner plate but if he only eats that 1 thing I don't offer yoghurt, fruit or whatever in fear of him going hungry.

Eldest is 18. Youngest, 11 and always has been more pestery, sensitive and meltdowns She has sensory processing. (not tantrums).

I made a rod for my own back, need to get things straightened out before the picky fad years. I do have this irrational fear that she will starve

I have older dd who is pretty good but intollerant to milk. Middle dd(13) is fussy but not awkward. For her I will serve similar food to rest but no mushrooms / chilli etc. Younger dd(7)will try and leave things because she would prefer something else. I have started to implement the 'you can have pudding when you have finished' line, which I never needed to for the others. I will make her something different (and easy)if I know that the meal is something she doesn't like, but she doesn't get to turn her nose up and demand something else or fill up on crisps etc. She usually eats whatever I've set as a minimum standard. My meals tend to be a variation on a theme. Eg chicken fajitas -dd1 puts spicy chicken & guacamole on hers with leafy salad seperate (same as me), dd2 puts plain chicken, sour cream and cheese on hers with cucumber & raw peppers seperate, dd3 puts sour cream & cheese on with cucumber & tomatos seperate.

Surely I'm not the only one whose given though?

I was never a fussy eater. I had parents who bever compromised but I am a bit overweight. But hey. I guess Gino is the font of all wisdom these days

It's a different kettle of fish if you have a child with some kind of additional need though. My son has ASD and sensory processing disorder and the sensory issue really limit what he will eat. We are working on increasing his range of foods but it is very slow eg took 6 months to get him happily eating potato waffles. He is hyper sensitive to textures and flavours. If your 11 yr old also has sensory difficulties the try googling food tolerance techniques as it has been really useful for us. Things we have managed to introduce recently include sausages and cheese.

It's not just a matter of putting food down and saying eat it or nothing else. He would actually let himself starve because of the anxiety about new foods or difficult textures etc. So don't treat your two DC the same.

www.autism.org.uk/about/health/eating.aspx

This article is written about ASD but the bottom half deals specifically with sensory issues around food.

Yes I do bear that in mind of course and would never force feed. There are meals she can eat, and I don't mind accomadating that. I meant arnt a lot of us guilty of giving in more with huge convenient snacks out and about,massive array of choices.My youngest does feel entitled and reels with shock if I say no. Claims of starvation. I'm not ignorant of healthy choices, just saying racked with guilt of she is upset she can't have it all.

The sensory processing puts a whole different slant on it. Ds1 has SPD and it is not as simple as saying eat this or there is nothing else. Introducing new foods can be an utter nightmare and has to be done carefully if she has sensory issues she isn't simply being fussy.
Also like a pp said about herself, my ex wasn't a fussy eater. He wasn't allowed to be. He has always been overweight as an adult because he was trained as a child to eat whatever was put in front of him so he never learnt where his off switch is so there is equal danger in going too far the other way with mealtimes too. I was the worlds fussiest eater as a child now I eat most things. Not a huge meat eater because I don't like it but I'll eat it if given and eat a whole variety of foods. My parents took the hands off no battles approach and it all came together in the end.

I try to serve different dishes separately e.g. Meat or fish on one platter, carbs on another, 2 different veg on another and I make sure there is always something there that each person will eat ( 4 kids, 2 with ASD). We have one who doesn't like the texture of meat ( although he will eat minced meat) and another who doesn't eat fish so sometimes I cook 2 options for the meat / fish dish. I serve everyone with what I think is a reasonable portion of the foods they will eat. They don't have to have everything although I do ask them to have at least one vegetable as part of the meal - if they don't like the ones on offer, they can have a raw carrot from the fridge. They can always come back for second helpings. Pudding ( usually a yoghurt) is only given if they have eaten a reasonable amount of the main course, especially the veg. No veg no pudding is the rule in our house.

Thank you , very much appreciated. Couldn't have come at a better time, trying to sort out a lot of her needs at the mo x