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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Should I offer some money to this parent?

24 replies

user1491572121 · 27/04/2017 05:46

DD has been invited out to do an activity tomorrow which I know will cost a bit...not tonnes but probably at least 40 quid in entrance and something to eat.

I don't know the Mum well at all....I've always said hello to her and we've done the "Oh they'd love a playdate" thing but it's not happened.

Just had a text (we're in Oz) and she's asked my DD to go to this activity with hers tomorrow...said what time she will pick DD up.

What do I do about money?

OP posts:

Crazyvaperlady · 27/04/2017 05:48

I'd text back asking how much she'd like towards the cost/if you need to send her with any money... it's only polite but if it were Me, I wouldn't have invited my sons friend if I couldn't afford to pay for him too.

usefultoken · 27/04/2017 05:49

I think I would put 40 in an envelope and hand it over when she picks her up, saying this is to cover dds expenses. If she was expecting to pay herself she can turn you down.

littleblackno · 27/04/2017 05:49

Why don't you txt her back and ask her how much it is and do you need to send dd with packed lunch/ spending money?

QuodPeriitPeriit · 27/04/2017 05:54

I normally try to give money when they pick up - other parent invariably refuses in my experience. In which case I would reciprocate the hospitality another time.

Bluntness100 · 27/04/2017 06:19

I'd also put it in an envelope and just give it to her. I wouldn't ask the question, i would just do it.

lalaloopyhead · 27/04/2017 06:35

I would text back and ask. If the Mum says no need for any money then I would send with £10 for icecreams or whatever, and maybe a bit of spending money depending on the age of the kids.

Blinkyblink · 27/04/2017 06:38

The key is, can you afford £40?

If you can and wish to spend in this way, then I'd text to say how much should you DD bring in total.

If you can't, then I'd text to thank her for the lovely invite, but at this time you're not in a position to pay the entrance fee but you do appreciate the invite.

gamerwidow · 27/04/2017 06:38

I would do the same as lalaloopyhead.

Chloe84 · 27/04/2017 06:39

Does your DD actually want to go? £40 is quite a lot, and if she wants your DD there to entertain hers then she should pay.

It's also very short notice.

WhisperingLoudly · 27/04/2017 06:40

I'd only invite a child to an activity like that if I expected to pay and so if find it a bit weird if someone gave me the money in an envelope.

Send a text "x really looking forward to it, does she need to bring anything, how much do I owe you?" Type thing. She will then politely decline and next time when you reciprocate the invite the activity is on you

Only1scoop · 27/04/2017 06:51

What we do is

'Dd has X amount in pocket for tickets etc'
Met by 'no that's fine she won't need any, our treat'
'Oh that's lovely, I'm sure Dd wants to treat you all to ice creams etc though'

I find other parents seem to do similar also.

lalaloopyhead · 27/04/2017 06:55

It very much depends on whether the OP can afford and/or wants to pay for the day out. If I had a text inviting to something tomorrow that would cost me £40-£50 I would politely decline.

NightCzar · 27/04/2017 07:03

If you can afford it and you are happy for DD to go, then offer the money on the doorstep and see what she says. If you can't afford it then make an excuse. If something is $80(?) then you would t expect to cover the cost as the host parent. I don't think anyway.

NightCzar · 27/04/2017 07:03

*wouldn't

rollonthesummer · 27/04/2017 07:07

Definitely text and ask what you owe her-thatbsojns like an expensive activity!

Steviea88 · 27/04/2017 07:14

I'd have £40 ready to give to friends mum and ask if that's enough. I would also give dd £10 to spend on lunch. But like others have said I wouldn't invite a kid out if I expected the press to pay

metalmum15 · 27/04/2017 07:14

I would never ask another child to an activity and expect their parents to pay, I think that's quite rude. If you wanted to pay out £40 for the activity then surely you would take her yourself? I would just give her some spending money that she can maybe treat her friend to something while they're out, and then offer to do something nice with the other child in a few weeks.

RainyDayBear · 27/04/2017 07:24

I'd ask if they'd like money towards the cost, but would expect to be told no as they've invited. They might have a voucher or family pass or something so I wouldn't hand money in an envelope. Would definitely send her with money for ice creams though!

SuperBeagle · 27/04/2017 07:27

I'd offer on pick-up (always do), but without exception the other parent has always refused the money. In that case, I return the offer with their DC at some point in the future.

I'm in Australia too. I think it's generally accepted that if you invite a child out with you/your family, you pay.

TheClaws · 27/04/2017 07:35

Agree with SuperBeagle, in Australia it is a generally accepted custom that if you invite a child to an activity with your own, you pay (the inviter). Usually the parent of the invited child will awkwardly offer money towards expenses; this is refused due to manners. However I've always found saying, "Lunch is our treat," while squashing money into the other parent's hand works

DoItTooJulia · 27/04/2017 07:40

Ooh, I had exactly this dilemma in the Easter hols! I text the mum and asked if she wanted me to send a packed lunch and how much cash to send for entrance fees and icreams/tat. She text back no tat allowed and my treat for entrance fee. Yes please to the packed lunch though!

Sorted!

BumpGoesBumpety · 27/04/2017 07:42

Is it the kind of place which would do kids go free with paying adults - two adults are going so they thought let's take a friend? Either way, a chat will sort it out.

Rossigigi · 27/04/2017 07:45

Whenever I've invited children I've paid for them too. I've had some parents offer to pay and others not. It doesn't bother me if they don't as I invited. But then when my children are invited I also offer the money but always get told its being paid for.

SoulAccount · 27/04/2017 07:51

If I was inviting a child at my expense, I would just pay.

If I was going, knew her child would like to go and I could take her child but couldn't afford to pay I would say 'I'm taking mine to xxx tomorrow, I can take your Dc too, if they'd like to come, it would be ££ for the ticket and send her with a packed lunch because we're picnicking'.

So if money not mentioned in the invite I think they are offering to pay.

But offering money for entrance / ice creams helps clarify, and is polite.

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