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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be pissed off with my friend 're her wedding??

222 replies

FataliePorkman · 25/04/2017 20:45

Friend is getting married in 3 weeks. I'm a bridesmaid.

When she first announced she was getting married she said that no children other than relatives were coming. She agreed my DC could come as ex P works abroad and my parents and ex in laws are invited to the evening do.

Friend then asked DD to be a flower girl as her cousin wasn't able to come so her DD couldn't do. Friends DD and my DD do not get along so DD doesn't want to do it. She asked 2 weeks ago after her cousin dropping out and I told her the next day DD doesn't want to do it.

Friend has now uninvited (by text) my DC as a distant relative has contacted her to say they will be coming so they are taking DCs place.

aibu to be pissed off? Train hotel are all booked and paid for and quite a bit of expense. Mum has offered to miss out on the wedding at stay at home with them but we have also paid for a pet sitter who has a 4 week cancellation policy so that's more money I'll be burning.

OP posts:

NapQueen · 25/04/2017 20:48

how mean! Id say "oh I didnt realise it was acceptale to univite guests, but obviously its important to you tha your relatives attend. As you are aware I dont have childcare for dd so I will have to excuse myself from bridesmaid duties. Hope you have a wonderful day"

Justmadeperfectflapjacks · 25/04/2017 20:48

I would find an attraction or similar to do in the area and have a trip away with dm and dc anyway.

Just give the whole wedding a big miss.

StewieGMum · 25/04/2017 20:50

Go anyways but miss the wedding. That's ridiculous behaviour to uninvited a child because they don't want to be a bridesmaid.

NavyandWhite · 25/04/2017 20:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Steviea88 · 25/04/2017 20:52

YANBU
I wouldn't go!!

Tell her to shove it! She obviously knows you've paid out for a hotel and travel and that you haven't got anyone to have the dc.

shes got 2 flower girl dresses and wants them to match, and look cute etc so she was using your dd for that job. If she hadn't asked for her to be flower girl in the first place then she didn't really want her as one and she was only asked as a back up

altiara · 25/04/2017 20:53

I'd be pissed off too! Can you call her and say have you just uninvited my DC 3 weeks before your wedding? Because I'm sure that's a mistake seeing as I have no childcare....

MyKingdomForBrie · 25/04/2017 20:53

She's being unreasonable but I have to say I would have talked DD round rather than just refusing for her. I've been a BM before when I don't like one of the other BM's - just smiled and got on with it because it was about the bride, not us.

MatildaTheCat · 25/04/2017 20:55

'Dear friend, unfortunately this puts us in an awkward position since as you know I don't have childcare available and dd was invited because of this. We have made all the travel and hotel arrangements and have been looking forward to your wedding but if dd is 'uninvited' now then I must also decline to be with her. Enjoy your day.'

NapQueen · 25/04/2017 20:56

MyKingdom kids are allowed to say no to stuff they would fee uncomfortale doing.

ThouShallNotPass · 25/04/2017 20:57

What @MatildaTheCat said. Perfectly reasonable.

llhj · 25/04/2017 21:00

I think your dd needed to be bridesmaid, I wouldn't accept that just because you don't like someone you should miss out on a life experience. Having said that, she sounds very unkind and I'd be saying poke it.

Ginmakesitallok · 25/04/2017 21:00

That is a really shit thing of bride to do. I don't think I'd be able to be polite, I'd be tempted to tell her to shove her wedding up her arse!

Chocmudpie · 25/04/2017 21:03

Tell her either your DD comes or neither of you come as there will be no one to do childcare.

sailorcherries · 25/04/2017 21:04

I agree with the others. She asked your DD last minute to suit her plans, not because she wanted her involved.
She relented on DD coming because you had no childcare, which would impact you becoming a BM.

She didn't actually want DD there and has dropped her like a steamy poo because DD had the audacity to refuse her. I wouldn't be friends with this person and wouldn't attend their wedding.

SootSprite · 25/04/2017 21:06

Another vote here for telling the bride that, as she knows, you have no childcare for dd so you will have to bow out too. Then have a fab time away with your dd, go see the sights, out for dinner etc and enjoy yourselves.

NapQueen · 25/04/2017 21:07

If the bride wanted dd as a BM she would have asked her from the start. A slot has opened up, so shes asked OP. DD has declined. End of.

Seens to me bride is spitting her dummy out.

Ewock · 25/04/2017 21:10

That is immature behaviour from the bride. Your dd declined so she is annoyed and pulls her invite! In your situation I think the pp idea of a response is the best. Pull out as you now have no childcare but as you have paid for everything I would go and find something else to do in the area. Have a nice break with your dc.

KC225 · 25/04/2017 21:12

That is unbelievably thoughtless. I would reconsider a friendship over that. Agree that Matildacat sets the tone

sonyaya · 25/04/2017 21:14

How old is your DD?
Univiting a child to something is really mean.

Figglesticks · 25/04/2017 21:15

I'm another in the camp for declining invite but using the hotel and pet sitter to have some time with your dc.
If the hotel is a big chain perhaps they will let you swap for a hotel booking for a different hotel that is close to something you can do with the kids? Or find something close enough to do with the kids x

JustSpeakSense · 25/04/2017 21:15

'As you have uninvited my DD from your wedding 3 weeks before (I didn't even know it was possible to actually uninvite someone!?) as you know, I do not have childcare, I will therefore be unable to attend the wedding'

Rainbunny · 25/04/2017 21:17

wow, I would send an email along the lines of the suggested email above. Be polite and wish her well on her wedding day but explained succinctly that you have paid for travel, hotels, pet sitting etc.. and that you will no longer attend the wedding.

Then I would go for the trip anyway and make it a special family trip :)

As for DD being persuaded to be a flower girl, it may have been nicer for her to do it but I don't think children should be forced into activities that they don't want to do, why do we think that's acceptable? I don't think being a flower girl is a particularly educational or empowering activity, although it would certainly give your DD an early introduction into the wedding industrial complex!

LagunaBubbles · 25/04/2017 21:19

I actually can't believe your friend has done this, is she just plain thoughtless or self centred? Is she not able to think of the consequences, not just to the day but to your friendship? I wouldn't be playing bridesmaid now.

Astro55 · 25/04/2017 21:21

That's really not on is it?

What will you do?

LukerExtraordinaire · 25/04/2017 21:23

not really a friend, is she?

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