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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off with my friend 're her wedding??

222 replies

FataliePorkman · 25/04/2017 20:45

Friend is getting married in 3 weeks. I'm a bridesmaid.

When she first announced she was getting married she said that no children other than relatives were coming. She agreed my DC could come as ex P works abroad and my parents and ex in laws are invited to the evening do.

Friend then asked DD to be a flower girl as her cousin wasn't able to come so her DD couldn't do. Friends DD and my DD do not get along so DD doesn't want to do it. She asked 2 weeks ago after her cousin dropping out and I told her the next day DD doesn't want to do it.

Friend has now uninvited (by text) my DC as a distant relative has contacted her to say they will be coming so they are taking DCs place.

aibu to be pissed off? Train hotel are all booked and paid for and quite a bit of expense. Mum has offered to miss out on the wedding at stay at home with them but we have also paid for a pet sitter who has a 4 week cancellation policy so that's more money I'll be burning.

OP posts:
RitaMills · 26/04/2017 11:12

Yes. Because interestingly the OP having been asked why they dont get on has never explained why.

And judging by her other threads she is unlikely to. She'll not be back.

Mummyoflittledragon · 26/04/2017 11:15

granny. I don't know. They're just really messed up. Your dad sounds awesome. It's amazing what healing kind words can do from an important and loving person. I can only imagine these people were treated really badly when they were children too and weren't lucky enough to have someone like your dad to put them straight. I know I didn't have anyone like him to make me feel special. I do know my dad loved me but he lived vicariously through my brother. I was good for sitting on his knee and it was implied I was his favourite. But I don't see it myself looking back. I was always the weak, youngest and a girl to protect. But love? That comes from demonstrating and talking to your child, which neither of my parents did - especially not my mother.

C0untDucku1a · 26/04/2017 11:15

Nd judging by her other threads she is unlikely to.

Ah just realised who the poster is.

FreeNiki · 26/04/2017 11:15

who is the poster?

Yellowcups · 26/04/2017 11:16

How thoroughly bad mannered. Is this an important friendship because if it was me I would be furious.

I'd ring her and give her a piece of my mind. If a child doesn't want to the 'last option bridesmaid' then that up to the child.

Send a message as speak says above. You now have no child care so thank you for the lovely invite but I can I now no longer make it.

Use your hotel booking for a night away at a later date.

Some people are absolute bitches..

InfinityPlusOne · 26/04/2017 11:17

It is certainly irritating if the OP is unlikely to return. However, based on the scenario presented, there is no justification for disinviting the child. Especially as the Bride is an adult and should be above such pettiness.

Mummyoflittledragon · 26/04/2017 11:20

FreeNiki. I think granny was giving her take as to why she disagrees with forcing a child - we don't know what goes on inside their heads sometimes. Not projecting.

Mummyoflittledragon · 26/04/2017 11:22

who is the poster? Someone, who posts threads a fair bit and never or rarely comes back to her threads.

C0untDucku1a · 26/04/2017 11:23

I wonder if the couple getting married are the tight arse couple trying to shaft joan?

grannytomine · 26/04/2017 11:26

Mummyoflittledragon, I know I was so lucky with my dad but unfortunately he died when I was 13 so it was a massive loss. Mind you I wouldn't have changed him for a lifetime with someone else.

I'm sorry you didn't have an adult to support you, hope you get lots of love now.

You are right about why I posted, we don't know what is going on with this little girl and I certainly didn't tell anyone why I didn't want to be a bridesmaid, even at 4 I had my dignity. I was just viewed as being a sulky little madam but at least I still got to go to the wedding.

Apart from anything else children should feel that they can say no to adults, it is basic to self protection.

EmmalinaC · 26/04/2017 11:27

We need a bit more context, I suppose.

If I asked someone's DD to be a flower girl at my wedding and they said 'No because she doesn't like LittleEmmalina' I would feel entirely justified in uninviting them.

Rubies12345 You sound very manipulative? For presenting the idea of being a flower girl positively to a 6 year old? What complete and utter bollocks. Only on Mumsnet.

grannytomine · 26/04/2017 11:29

FreeNiki, it is relevant as Anyfucker is so sure she could make a child do it, she couldn't have made me do it. She could have been jolly and positive, she could have bribed me and she could have threatened me but I wouldn't have done it and can you imagine a 6 year old being forced into a dress, dragged to the ceremony and then somehow magically she smiles and walks down the aisle scattering her petals?

Mummyoflittledragon · 26/04/2017 11:29

Thanks granny. I do. Mine when I was 16. Also a massive loss. Smile

grannytomine · 26/04/2017 11:31

EmmalinaC, the OP hasn't said she told the bride her daughter didn't want to do it because she didn't like the bride's daughter. She might have but surely in those circumstances the vast majority of people would just say thanks for asking but she doesn't want to do it.

grannytomine · 26/04/2017 11:32

Mummy glad to hear you found someone. Sorry about your dad.

FreeNiki · 26/04/2017 11:54

she couldn't have made me do it.

you did do it grannytomine. ergo someone succeeded in making you do it.

AnyFucker · 26/04/2017 12:00

Rubies you now need to come back and accuse woowoo of "manipulating" that pageboy

Although why we are arguing amongst ourselves I don't know. It appears she has been sussed as a habitual bitch plop and run type.

Mummyoflittledragon · 26/04/2017 12:06

Thanks granny. Sorry about your dad too. Smile

sonyaya · 26/04/2017 12:08

Children aren't performing seals at weddings. If a child doesn't want to do a role they shouldn't be pressured just so the bride can get a good photo.

I am now wondering if there is more to the story though.

supermoon100 · 26/04/2017 12:12

Mmm infinity slightly missing the point I think. We could make a long list of why a kid wouldn't want to it I'm sure, but I was focusing on that one reason alone being crazy - that she doesn't like the other kid!

Huskylover1 · 26/04/2017 12:22

Surely the ideal option would have been for your DD to attend the evening reception, with your relatives, who could have babysat her during the day. Otherwise, who will you palm her off to, when you are: a) walking down the aisle/standing at the altar and b) posing for photo's and c) sitting at the top table. ?? I appreciate this is missing the point somewhat, but if your DD isn't a flower girl, it's not going to work with her being there during the day. That said, it's totally bizarre to uninvite her at this point. But could this be what the bride is worried about and she's perhaps worded it clumsily?

InfinityPlusOne · 26/04/2017 12:49

Mmm infinity slightly missing the point I think. We could make a long list of why a kid wouldn't want to it I'm sure, but I was focusing on that one reason alone being crazy - that she doesn't like the other kid!

No I was commenting on the fact that you said your daughter would fill the role regardless. Good for you and your daughter. That can't be generalised to all children for any number of reasons. I think not liking the other child is a perfectly valid one, if it's acceptable for adults to not like everyone they meet, why isn't it for children? Assuming it's based on more than nastiness that is, which we've no reason to conclude based on what the OP originally wrote.

InfinityPlusOne · 26/04/2017 12:49

*no reason not to conclude

C8H10N4O2 · 26/04/2017 12:57

Italiangreyhound Society has lots of situations where little girls need to put their own preferences aside for others. I don't think that is a great lesson to teach them at all.

Yes this.

The situation sounds bizarre. DD was invited so that the bride could have OP as a bridesmaid. DD subsequently asked to stand in as flowergirl because bride has a dress going begging. DD declined and is punished by having her invite rescinded.

I never wanted to be a bridesmaid as a child - the idea of being dressed up like barbie filled me with horror. Fortunately my parents never made me do so to fill up some bridezilla's a spare dress.

OP - you need to talk to her to confirm what the text meant and if she is rescinding the invite then you may not be able to attend.

HouseworkIsASin10 · 26/04/2017 13:07

She shouldn't have invited your DC in the first place, she should have stuck to her no kids rule if that's what she wanted.

But she did, and you can't un-invite somebody.

I would just text her back and say 'Ok thanks for letting me know, I'll cancel our travel/accommodation'

She can't act dumb and surprised that you can't go. She 'un-invited' DC knowing about the childcare situation in the first place.

Oh and the 6 year old being flowergirl is irrelevant. It's the 'un-inviting' that is so wrong.