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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be pissed off with my friend 're her wedding??

222 replies

FataliePorkman · 25/04/2017 20:45

Friend is getting married in 3 weeks. I'm a bridesmaid.

When she first announced she was getting married she said that no children other than relatives were coming. She agreed my DC could come as ex P works abroad and my parents and ex in laws are invited to the evening do.

Friend then asked DD to be a flower girl as her cousin wasn't able to come so her DD couldn't do. Friends DD and my DD do not get along so DD doesn't want to do it. She asked 2 weeks ago after her cousin dropping out and I told her the next day DD doesn't want to do it.

Friend has now uninvited (by text) my DC as a distant relative has contacted her to say they will be coming so they are taking DCs place.

aibu to be pissed off? Train hotel are all booked and paid for and quite a bit of expense. Mum has offered to miss out on the wedding at stay at home with them but we have also paid for a pet sitter who has a 4 week cancellation policy so that's more money I'll be burning.

OP posts:
haveacupoftea · 25/04/2017 21:24

And yet another Bridezilla loses a good friend Confused weddings really bring out some people's true colours don't they.

shaggedthruahedgebackwards · 25/04/2017 21:24

Assuming you turned down the offer of your DD being a bridesmaid in a tactful manner than your friend is being massively unreasonable

JaneEyre70 · 25/04/2017 21:25

She knows you haven't got childcare - it's her way of uninviting you. Pretty rudely too. I'd go and have a nice time away without giving her a second thought.

supermoon100 · 25/04/2017 21:25

I think it's completely wrong to disinvite your dc but I also think it's completely wrong for your dd not to accept the invite to be a flower girl because 'she doesn't get on with her dd'! . It's a simple walk down the aisle no? How much would they have had to do with each other? How much can a child hate another child? It's not exactly in the spirit of love and unity !

Crapuccino · 25/04/2017 21:27

Wow, your poor DD. She isn't a showpiece to be picked up and put down at someone else's whim. I'm with the general consensus. Tell your friend that as a result you also can't attend since you don't have childcare, and use the trip and hotel for a little quality time with your daughter instead.

C0untDucku1a · 25/04/2017 21:28

Type what matilda said
Do what flapjack suggested.

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 25/04/2017 21:31

But it really wasn't an invite to her DD to be a flower girl.
It was "my cousin's daughter can't come but you look like you'll fit in her dress" kind of invitation

Crapuccino · 25/04/2017 21:31

supermoon100: How much can a child hate another child? It's not exactly in the spirit of love and unity !

Depends on the age of the child and whether one or both are little monsters. If we're talking toddlers and they'll make an absolute show of themselves, potentially ruining the wedding, there is literally no point even trying. But even if the child is old enough to be reasoned with, she still isn't obligated to accept. Anyone who is invited has the right to decline, and that goes for children as much as adults. If the DD has decided "no", then that should be given as much respect as if OP had said "no" to being a bridesmaid.

xForsythia · 25/04/2017 21:31

If anyone uninvite my child (or anyone from my family), I am not going, how rude! I would keep it simple, unfortunately you don't have childcare and it's too late to organise, so you won't be able o attend. I would then ignore all communication. If the bride changes her mind again, feels forced to have you around, it's going to be an awful day for everyone.

I don't know if you should have strongly encouraged your daughter to be a flower girl, how old is she? I don't think I've ever asked mine if they wanted to do it or not, but they were quite little.

AnyFucker · 25/04/2017 21:33

You stood by while your dd declined being a bridesmaid on the grounds of "not liking one of the other bridesmaids"

Seriously ?

You and the bride to be are as bad as each other and it seems you aare bringing up your female children to be the same.

AnyFucker · 25/04/2017 21:34

Sorry, flower girl. But my point remains.

Flopjustwantscoffee · 25/04/2017 21:35

Is there any chance her text meant she was uninviting your dd from the bridesmaids role (as she didn't want it) rather than the whole wedding?

xForsythia · 25/04/2017 21:37

anyFucker I think it depends how bad things are. If they just don't get along, it's silly, but if one is bullying the other one, then it's perfectly reasonable to refuse.

sailorcherries · 25/04/2017 21:37

But OPs daughter was never picked to be a flower girl from the start. The bride asked OP two weeks ago (five weeks before the wedding) if DD would do it because her original plan fell through. The DD was an after thought, no wonder she wanted no bloody part.

user1489261248 · 25/04/2017 21:38

Regarding what 'anyfucker' says; how did you tell 'the bride' that your daughter doesn't want to be flower girl anymore?

Please don't tell me you said it's because she doesn't like/doesn't get on with her daughter. Blush

xForsythia · 25/04/2017 21:41

User, I didn't read that the daughter changed her mind, but that she just refused.

How old is she, and how bad is it between the 2?

Only1scoop · 25/04/2017 21:42

How old is your dd?
Isn't it a bit off to just say 'she doesn't want to do it'

Only1scoop · 25/04/2017 21:43

So your friend is a relative/friend of your exes parents?

MsJolly · 25/04/2017 21:43

Seriously? Just don't go either...

user1489261248 · 25/04/2017 21:43

Oh yeah thank s'X'. Smile

Similar question though, did the OP tell the bride/her friend that her DD doesn't want to do it because she doesn't get on with the other little girl?

Just wondered, as if she did, it's no surprise that the friend has uninvited them both iyswim.

user1489261248 · 25/04/2017 21:44

I mean like, how did you tell your friend OP, that your DD doesn't want to do it? What reason did you give?

BuggersMuddle · 25/04/2017 21:45

That's no friend. You don't need to read Debrett's to know it's spectacularly poor social etiquette to rescind an invitation after the attendee has accepted without exceptional circumstance. This clearly isn't an exceptional circumstance and your 'friend' is rude.

TBF asking her 3 weeks before is pretty rude. I don't know whether your daughter is old enough to know she's not first choice, but you are. Kind of suggests that she's looking for an 'actor to play a role', rather than selecting someone for one of the traditional wedding roles because they are a treasured family member or friend (which speaks volumes in itself).

MimiSunshine · 25/04/2017 21:45

WTF? I can't believe some posters are saying your DD should have been forced persuaded to be a flower girl.
Children aren't props you can hire for a wedding. She didn't want to do it and therefore didn't have to, her not being a FG wouldn't have made the slightest difference to the wedding.

OP politely decline from now attending the wedding as you can't exactly leave DD home alone but still have the weekend away

Aderyn2016 · 25/04/2017 21:47

OPs dd has every right to decline being a flower girl. Children are entitled to have their opinions respected on these matters. It's not as if she was even the bride's first choice - she was chosen for convenience and I would not allow my dd to be used by bridezilla

HappyFlappy · 25/04/2017 21:52

I wouldn't force my child into a role like this either, if they didn't want to do it (and especially as they were obviously a "make-do").

DO as others have suggested. Wish your "friend" a wonderful day, but apologise that you won't be there to share it with her as you will need to look after your DD. (Add what a shame, because you had talked your daughter into becoming a flower girl) Then have a fab weekend away with your DD.

If she truly wanted you there she would have offered the distant relative the place of the flower girl who isn't attending - not your DD's place. She's trying to blackmail you into forcing your daughter to be a flower girl.

Alternatively, you could go and take your daughter anyway and see what happens (WWIII, possibly), OR your could tell your DD that if she does the flower girl thing, she has your permission to cause as much trouble as she likes walking down the aisle . . . .