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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be pissed off with my friend 're her wedding??

222 replies

FataliePorkman · 25/04/2017 20:45

Friend is getting married in 3 weeks. I'm a bridesmaid.

When she first announced she was getting married she said that no children other than relatives were coming. She agreed my DC could come as ex P works abroad and my parents and ex in laws are invited to the evening do.

Friend then asked DD to be a flower girl as her cousin wasn't able to come so her DD couldn't do. Friends DD and my DD do not get along so DD doesn't want to do it. She asked 2 weeks ago after her cousin dropping out and I told her the next day DD doesn't want to do it.

Friend has now uninvited (by text) my DC as a distant relative has contacted her to say they will be coming so they are taking DCs place.

aibu to be pissed off? Train hotel are all booked and paid for and quite a bit of expense. Mum has offered to miss out on the wedding at stay at home with them but we have also paid for a pet sitter who has a 4 week cancellation policy so that's more money I'll be burning.

OP posts:

FreeNiki · 26/04/2017 13:58

I think there is more of a backstory here. At a glance of posting history, most threads she started relate to calling friends names, calling them tight arses and warring with neighbours.

Seems to be a pattern of behaviour fighting with others. Perhaps the bride's version of events would be different and for her this is the final straw.

HappyFlappy · 26/04/2017 14:33

It's pretty spiteful of the OP to allow her 6 year old to harbour such an intense dislike for the brides own daughter

She's a CHILD>

It's all or nothing at that age - things re black or white; grey is a non-starter.

BodyformForYou · 26/04/2017 14:39

I wouldn't go. I wouldn't ask my mum to miss out as the bride clearly knows that you wont be going, so I would see this as a bit of a dig

supermoon100 · 26/04/2017 14:46

Infinity - not liking the other child is simply not a valid reason in my book, it's petty and sad. I'm sorry but there are times we have to put our differences aside and a wedding is one of those times.

Azalea96 · 26/04/2017 14:46

I would ask her if you could bring a plus one instead. Her answer will tell you all you need to know

InfinityPlusOne · 26/04/2017 14:57

infinity - not liking the other child is simply not a valid reason in my book, it's petty and sad. I'm sorry but there are times we have to put our differences aside and a wedding is one of those times.

There could be very valid reasons that she dislikes the other child. You cannot possibly say for sure without knowing what those reasons are. Regardless the really petty one is the Bride who is an adult.

NapQueen · 26/04/2017 17:40

Any normal person who asks a small child to be bridesmaid and they decline would go "ahh thats a shame; any chance you could cajole her into it?" Or "ahh thats a shame, nevermind" shrug their shoulders and get the fuck on with life.

Any normal person would not then uninvite a 6yo.

NapQueen · 26/04/2017 17:41

And the ability to "put our differences aside" is not a trait id demand from my 6yo.

Ask them; encourage them; whatever. But if they say no; fine. Its being a bm at a wedding. It isnt life and death or a legal requirement etc.

LakieLady · 26/04/2017 18:13

Wtf happens to people when they are arranging weddings? Some of them seem to start behaving as though they have some sort of personality disorder.

Uninviting a guest for any reason is appallingly rude.

Mind you, I could have some sport by dreaming up ways to piss off some of DP's most loathed IL's if we got married ...

grannytomine · 26/04/2017 18:27

FreeNiki no I didn't do it. I declined, refused wouldn't try the dress on. I wasn't made to do it. It was no drama, my aunt asked me and my sister if we would be bridesmaids, she said yes I said no. My cousin did it and there was a teenager but I haven't a clue who she was, maybe from the groom's side? I went to the wedding with my parents, I have the photo and I am wearing a pleated skirt and a white blouse with a red cardigan. I assure you I did not do it ergo I didn't do it. I have no idea why you think I did it. I am having palpitations at the horror of thinking of it now.

grannytomine · 26/04/2017 18:32

C8H10N4O2, not just me then. I've never been a bridesmaid, was asked twice. Even for my First Holy Communion I didn't have a frilly dress like the other girls, I thought my dress was classy, it was my mothers silk wedding dress cut up and was very plain with a Peter Pan collar and I loved the fact that I wasn't in frills like everyone else.

C8H10N4O2 · 26/04/2017 21:55

grannytomine

Yes indeed I hated 'frilly' clothing - possibly because I was tall, possibly because I hadn't been raised by parents who stopped me climbing the proverbial trees because I'd spoil my pretty dresses. I would have not have done this and been miserable if my parents had tried to force me.

I really don't like the idea of a 6 year old girl's feelings being completely ignored in this way because the bride wants a doll to put in her spare dress. It gives a horrible message to a young girl that her duty to dress up like a doll and please overrides her own wishes.

GreatFuckability · 27/04/2017 10:38

I wouldn't have done it as a child. You wouldn't have got me in a dress in a billion years. I would have made any old excuse up to avoid it too. but the real reason would have been shyness. no way, no how.

grannytomine · 27/04/2017 12:15

The non frilly dresses clan is growing. People have always made me feel I was odd so I am glad to find other people who understand and feel the same.

InfinityPlusOne · 27/04/2017 13:37

I wasn't a fan of frilly dresses either. I wasn't a 'princess' type but wasn't a tomboy either. Just reserved and bookish.

TheMerryWidow1 · 27/04/2017 13:43

let us know what happened? please!!!

whattheactualfudge · 27/04/2017 18:13

Flypaper You really made me giggle with "What flew up your arse?!" Hehehe ...or maybe it was the Baileys I'm gulping from the bottle! (On holiday, so it's ok!) 👍🏻

babyinarms · 27/04/2017 18:18

That's just awful behaviour! Is this bride old enough to get married cos she sounds like a child herself !
I'd excuse myself from bridesmaid duty because of childcare issues.

Hope she enjoys her day, selfish cow!
Wedding gs do bring out the worst in some people

SuperFlyHigh · 27/04/2017 18:32

OP won't return....

For what it's worth I agree with Any Fucker on this one, but also why is there no dialogue eg phone rather than texts?!

I also agree with the poster who had a son who didn't want to be pageboy until it was explained etc.

And I agree lots of times there'll be occasions when 6 year old DD doesn't "want" to do things but has to anyway eg at school. Nothing wrong by starting this now but coaching it in a way that's tactful and shows you respect DD and the occasion and Bridezilla.

DingoDog · 27/04/2017 18:43

I completely refused to wear dresses as a child except for my school dress and a Sunday best dress for when we visited my granny. I hated that dress. I would have absolutely hated to be a bridesmaid. Luckily my Mum wouldn't have forced me, not that she would have wanted to as she didn't have weirdo friends

Timeforteaplease · 28/04/2017 15:02

Update please, OP.

Grainfail · 17/05/2017 13:36

Any update OP? I think the wedding should be sometime around now from your post.

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