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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for more maintenance money from ex?

22 replies

Lemonnaise · 24/04/2017 16:00

Ex pays £25 per week for DD(6). I don't think it's enough, I asked him if he could pay a bit more and he said he'd think about it. Can I have your opinions please? Am I BU?

OP posts:
Justmadeperfectflapjacks · 24/04/2017 16:02

Go through cms. . He can't be tight and he can't accuse you of being greedy!!

DonaldStott · 24/04/2017 16:02

If he is in employment, go through CMS.

Original poster
Lemonnaise · 24/04/2017 16:08

He owns his own business. He can well afford it.

OP posts:
EatsShitAndLeaves · 24/04/2017 16:23

Tbh I'm always shocked a just how little some men pay in maintenance.

£25 per week barely covers school lunches, never mind clothing, toiletries, school equipment, childcare etc etc

Why would any decent person refuse to make sure, when they can afford to do so, that their child's needs are properly funded? Obviously I have answered this as they are not a decent person.

Yes, salary is a factor, but I just can't see how anything less than £200 per month begins to scratch the surface of appropriately contributing to a child's most basic needs.

YANBU to ask for more.

I'd start with a list of what you pay currently re: items described above. He should be paying at least half of that.

FanaticalFox · 24/04/2017 16:24

Ah he's self employed so will probably declare about 10k a year income i am guessing? Which is why he has to pay so little? Do you know what he declares OP?

Original poster
Lemonnaise · 24/04/2017 16:32

Eats...I've just had to buy her loads of clothes because she's outgrown everything so I let him see the receipts. I also told him I had recently had to buy her a new bed. He knows that her school bus is £20 per week but he just shrugged.

FanaticalFox...I have no idea how much he declares. I just know that he seems to have plenty of income. A new car last month, he was on a cruise in February, went to Las Vegas just before christmas and constantly goes to concerts and away for weekend breaks.

OP posts:
BarneyRumbleton · 24/04/2017 16:34

He needs to be paying more then. YANBU.

EatsShitAndLeaves · 24/04/2017 16:41

He just shrugged - he's basically a selfish git then who'd rather spend his money on himself (cars, vegas etc) than his child Sad

What is wrong with these men Angry

FanaticalFox · 24/04/2017 16:47

Do you currently go through CMS? Or is this a private arrangement? Is it a limited company?

Shoegirly · 24/04/2017 16:47

My ex is giving me £40 a week for 3 dcs. He warns 45 grand a year. He maintains because he is still paying mortgage,bills that he doesn't have to give me any money but he is only doing that because is refusing to sell the house. I phoned child maintenance today and he should be paying £600 a month!

Original poster
Lemonnaise · 24/04/2017 16:56

Fanatical..No CMS, we do this between ourselves. I have no idea if his company is limited.

Shoegirly...My ex doesn't even have to pay mortgage, rent or bills to me. Are you going to go through CMS?

OP posts:
FanaticalFox · 24/04/2017 17:12

You need to go through CMS. If its a limited company you can see what is declared via companies house website.

Chasingsquirrels · 24/04/2017 17:15

CMS - they can get the facts of his income.
(Small Limited company accounts as filed at Companies House wouldn't disclose all the information you need).
£20 a week and that kind of lifestyle is a fucking joke.

RainbowsAndUnicorn · 24/04/2017 18:10

That's £100 a month, plus you matching it gives £200. Plus CB and anything else you get. Unless you have childcare costs that covers clothes, food and school costs.

Should he pay more? Nobody can really answer that without knowing how many days he has her, what he provides on those days etc. On the face of it yes but there's very little details tthat go on.

Can you not move schools to save on the transport costs as presumably it's a school of choice and not council appointed or they would be paying transport costs.

Original poster
Lemonnaise · 24/04/2017 18:15

Can you not move schools to save on the transport costs as presumably it's a school of choice and not council appointed or they would be paying transport costs.

Shock Um no I won't be moving my child to a different school to save her father money. Really???

He doesn't have her any over-nights, doesn't buy her clothes. He pays £25 per week and sees her 3-4 hours one day through the week. He refuses to take her at weekends when he's off work.

OP posts:
user1476194084 · 24/04/2017 19:33

All the CMS advice while good in principle might not work - my ex told them he was not earning anything and they just believed him as he is not doing tax returns and is self employed so no way of proving anything - two and s half years and I have had the grand total of nothing!! He's even claiming working tax credit so I have no hope of CMS being helpful!!

KentMum2008 · 24/04/2017 19:39

I agree re CMS being pointless for someone self employed and not fucking honest about what they earn My ex pays £60 a week for his 2 DC. I worked for and with him for a while before we split so I know full well how much profit he makes, and while I'm content enough with £60 a week, what he has left over for himself is outrageous (easily twenty times what he pays in maintenance). And all it gets spent on is weed and takeaway pizza.
Sorry I can't help OP, but you're not the only one Flowers

icy121 · 24/04/2017 19:45

My OH pays his exW 16% of gross salary. He's a v high earner (at the moment) so it's a huge sum she gets (£5,300 pcm) but if he were to lose the job we'd be screwed as I don't earn, after tax, anywhere enough to pay for her, let alone the mortgage too.

StillDrivingMeBonkers · 24/04/2017 19:53

If he lost his job, he wouldn't be paying her £5.3K per month

AmserGwin · 24/04/2017 19:53

£25 a week is ridiculous. My ex pays me £80 a week (2 children so £40 per child). He only sees them in school hols though as he lives 200 miles away. How often does he have your DC?

AmserGwin · 24/04/2017 19:54

Sorry just seen he has her for a few hrs

Original poster
Lemonnaise · 24/04/2017 21:00

Thank you for your comments everyone. I think he'd just lie regarding CMS. He has now told me that he won't be paying anything more for DD, he "can't afford any more" but the latest holiday to Lanzarote is going ahead

user1476 your ex is an utter prickFlowers

icy121 Shock well...I just don't know what to say to that amount...

OP posts:
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